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Last edited by Amaterasu on Tue Dec 08, 2020 5:03 pm, edited 1 time in total. word count: 16
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Re: Teach


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Comments: I have to admit, I found this solo a little confusing. Dreams don’t have to be realistic, of course, but I didn't always understand what was going on. Neither did I understand why trying to break a rock with her hands made your PC so nauseous that she actually threw up (or how you break a rock with your guts in the first place).

Why did she throw up on her clothes rather than on the ground, by the way? How did that happen?

There are some people who might be uncomfortable with the matter of vomit/nausea, especially if it’s not just mentioned in passing, by the way. If there is anything in your thread that might make people uncomfortable, it is a good idea to add a note to the review request so that people can skip said review request if they want.

There were some issues with grammar, punctuation, capitalization and such. You also used the word “noob”. Idalos is a fantasy world. Nobody would use the words “noob” or “noobie” here. I would suggest writing “newer people” instead of “noobier people”, for example.

Furthermore, I noticed that your PC was born in 701 when I checked your CS. This thread takes place in 705 which means that Amaterasu was only four. I'm not sure if a child would have such a dream.

As this was a non-lucid dream, you do not have to state which skills you used. In a non-lucid dream, you don’t have to play to your skill level.

Amaterasu using her experience to show her students the dangers of overtraining and talking about playing mind tricks on your enemies was a good idea in my opinion, by the way!

Please let me know if you have any questions about this review!

word count: 318





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