[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

For the madman is nothing more than a broken genius.

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Patrick
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

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Thanks babe, you and everyone else who has been there for me are deeply appreciated. It's been an immensely difficult week, but having friends there to remind me that they care has made it easier. That said I've put off a week's worth of stuff I need to get on, so I pretty much concocted a quick to do list to help me focus on them. I doubt I'll tackle it all in one go or handle them in a specific order, mainly just follow what loose inspiration I have in doing them. I guarantee though I'll be getting replies done here soon, and I'll also be starting a new job come the weekend. So things are bound to look up finally, and I'll still have plenty of free time to juggle things around with both characters and mod account. :)

Patrick
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Last edited by Patrick on Wed Nov 22, 2017 7:03 pm, edited 2 times in total. word count: 192
"Freedom is everything."


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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

So I went on a major image hunt for my character's face claims and, obviously, couldn't help but put my template coding to use with some of them. I'd grown over excited to see what I could cook up, and immediately found myself overly pleased with the end result! I'd a couple of reservations with the new particular style I'd started to piece together though, since the design appears quite large to look at when you first glance at it. Not sure if other's people's browsers might cause an issue with them either, since I know different browsers tend to handle dimensions differently sometimes. But! I am very much pleased with how they all turned out so far, I'm definitely having more than enough fun putting them together.

As far as things go in my life I'm starting back up at my job finally, this new week will be spent filling the store with stocks really. It has been six months since the gas station had been closed down for remodel, and a lot of pressure is felt from the expectation of our store now that we're going to reopen soon. This coming Friday will be the start of a 'soft opening' for us and while we'll act like we're just any regular store, opening up again is going to be more than just hectic. Period. There's going to be a lot of tension for me and everyone on staff, not even kidding when I say that our store is literally -that- popular in town guys. People go crazy for the pizza and donuts we make there, and we're now gonna have a sub station as well. And we'll also be a 24 hour store as well, so there's all around the clock shifts for the lot of us. I'm excited but also sort of anxious because of all the expectation really, but I know once we make past the grand opening that follows our soft opening; things will calm down somewhat after a month or two of working again.

That's about all I've got to ramble on ironically, I still need to kick my ass into gear for a vlog at some point. I know there were a few questions I had available to answer, but I should also consider an actual legit subject to discuss in said vlog as well. If anybody happens to have any questions they wanna shoot before then, feel free do so here in this thread and I'll be sure to scope them out as well. Speaking of characters I've finally nearly finished my last character, Sethein, which will make PC number five! How do I intend to juggle five characters and manage to work full time when we're about to have our grand opening? I'm determined to make it happen at least. :P Can't say it'll work out like I would hope, but I will admit I'm uber excited to see how they all develop in their own way.
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

IIIIIIIIIIIIII'm baaaaaaaaaaack! For another rant filled post based on my pc's this time. All of them. Yes! All. Five. Of. Them.

Alright so I wanted to make this post more or less a 'showcase' for my characters really, explain what I would like to see develop for them as the season pans out. Vhalar is pretty much the yearly anniversary of me actually starting writing again after a tough break last year, and it's been full of ups and downs getting to this point of the year again. Needless to say I'm excited, although lately exhausted from work more than anything, to get things rolling for these characters and see their development take off! So to begin there is:
Patrick

Location: Rharne

Originally when he started out last year he was a bit of a drunk who'd lost his brother a year prior, so that makes this two years since said death occurred, and in Vhalar 716 he discovered who actually killed his brother. From there his direction has taken several different turns than I had first intended, but overall the originality of his character remains unchanged if not more defined from the time spent writing him for a year. Recently I had developed a series of plots for him to be involved with, but have come to the conclusion that certain select plots weren't fitting towards his actual character. Thus I've more or less decided to take a step back and redirect him into a more comfortable path that seems fitting for him, as of right now he is currently cursed with Syroa's Sessfiend mark which challenges his very nature. This will be the third season he's been afflicted with that curse, therefore I'll be taking steps towards a Patrick that's a little more darker compared to his usual stuff. I intend to lead it on with him seeking a way to regain freedom from his curse, and then indulge in treasure hunting schemes because those seem to fit well with his character.

As far as the original plot goes I still have to plan out how Dom's killer is going to return, I know I want it to be a bit of a mind game between him and Patrick when that particular plot happens. I'm definitely eager to see how things develop for him during the Global Plot though, and hopefully that'll give him direction on how to cleanse himself of the curse he's been given.
Kayleigh

Location: Roaming (From Uthaldria to Ne'haer)

A character I took more time in developing than anything; Kayleigh's high spirited personality leads me to believe she'll become a badass sword maiden one day. Once started she'd been made with several conflicting flaws that will add great challenge to this endeavor, such as a severe fear of blood even, and from there had in line a pre-planned outline of her adventure while she began her journey. Her plot seems simple really because she's honestly just wandering the world of Idalos hoping to reunite with her little brother, and then bring him home so that their father will return and they can be a semi-happy functioning family again. This of course will go very much astray the longer the journey pans out as her little brother grows more aware and perceptive of the world, and thus come the moment when the family is briefly reunited (Scalvoris in Ashan baby) tension will be thick between them. A lot of changes will occur with the family members and that creates a divide among the three, and when they pretty much go their separate ways after Scal; Kayleigh will reassure herself of the intent in bringing her family back home.

The bigger plot behind this however involves another who is going to manipulate and use her younger brother, Higan, to their advantage in the long run. A background 'villain' character will appear finally and prove to be the driving force that reunites the family once more. That however won't end as well as people may believe, as I've planned beyond that as well to see Kayleigh reach places beyond her honestly. I'm definitely deeply invested in her plot because of the inspiration that led me to piece it together, and while I've thought that far ahead I'm still waiting to see how things pan out as her journey leads her up to Scalvoris. So; badass sword maiden! Any who want to travel and help her out with this endeavor are extremely welcome.
Enrick

Location: Scalvoris

So this would've technically been my 'fourth' character but the one prior to that, who was named Matthias, had heavily remained a WIP for the time being. So I count Enrick as my third character who is also much more recent than the first two, that said he is basically just a reboot of my original character from another website. Those of you who aren't or weren't aware before, Ricky Maze is my first character I've ever seriously devoted so much time and effort to; and that's exactly who Enrick is based of off with some alterations to fit him in with the environment. Naturally he's the same but in a more earlier and clearer sense than before, since I know exactly who he was based off of as a character before. With him I've intended to rely on simplicity and see where that takes him, and so far his only ever reaching plots involve discovering a path towards his Sev'ryn familiar, and maybe finding someone he can 'settle down' with to raise a family.

That said of course even simplicity itself goes out the window, and I've debated perhaps doing more than just having him be that simple fisherman he always start out as. Already he's got a complex personality I like to spend time delving into, but I would like to see him naturally gravitate towards something favorable. Like before Ricky was a city guard, so this time Enrick might just become a mercenary instead. Not really sure on this but it's a step by step process with him really, plus I'm still getting into the feel of his new character complex on ST since it's been so long since I've legit wrote him again.
Toan

Location: Etzos

Another character that I'd developed before and gave a reboot to, only this time I've completely taken his character complex and mentality to another form. Rather than have just a fun and mischievous thief with a light heart, I wanted to give this revamped character a much darker and serious approach the second time around. Toan is actually the development that took place over Matthias soon after Enrick, and quite honestly I was extremely pleased with how easy and well put his backstory came together for me. I'd spent only a few days thinking over it to create logically possible reasons, as to why he'd wound up taken so far from his own birth place to begin with. Even so the outcomes of his past aren't really what will define him as character, though they certainly will add into it, as I'm more excited to see how the future pans out for him while his story begins to progress in Etzos. There it's only going to be a simple start since I've been given a well thought out starter quest, thanks again Anomaly!, and from there he'll be the character that picks up on the spy network plot I'd started to set in motion for Patrick.

As far as his character goes; Toan was originally (as stated) a light hearted thief with nothing but mischief and money on his mind. Eventually through other variations of RP I started to realize that bigger challenges were more rewarding, so I'd start with wanting to be a 'renowned' sort of thief more or less. Then from there work his way up to something greater and maybe even, eventually, steal something of extremely high value from an entity of higher power. For instance the Immortals on here as an example, I'd love for him to eventually gain the chance to actually pull of a heist and steal something of incredible value to a certain Immortal. Accomplishing that and the wide spread network of informants across Idalos; those are the two primary things I'd like to see him strive for while he develops unusual quirks and behaviors along the way. It all boils down to who gets involved, and how they influence Toan along the way!
Seth

Location: Rynmere, Possibly Roaming

My final character I'm semi proud of developing really, likely because I haven't the slightest clue where to go with him. Yep. Not a damn clue! So far for all intents and purposes, Seth is just your average nerd intending to study and research whatever he fancies. He's awkward and very socially inept with other people as well, so he finds it hard to make friends unless it comes to nerdy shit. His parents are separated of course because of their differences, mommy dearest wants him to become a businessman as part of the family trade while daddy wants him to be a scholar in Viden... just like their side of the family has been for generations. So Seth is, overall, compelled to be the good son to both parents and want to prove his smarts to them, but wants to do so in his own particular approach of research. Mainly he'll study magic related subjects as he's fascinated with it, but he won't be such a heavy magic flinger like most nerds probably would be.

With Seth as a character, he actually stems back waaaaaay into my younger years as a pre-teen. His character mentality is that of a 'genius' type who likes to brag about it, be the know-it-all kind of guy that people only want small doses of majority of the time. I'm definitely curious to see how that 'smarty pants boy' grows into the would be genius researcher he's intended to be today. Thus I'm excited to see how his story pans out as he tries to discover himself in the world, and learn how to become his own person which he actually wants to be in life.



Exciting!! I'm definitely pumped to see what develops for them along the way, and while I've not gone into great lengths of description with each character; I'm hopeful that just the small bit of insight I've shared is enough to inspire people to write with them, as they're characters I think I've thoroughly enjoyed from start of creation to the point of writing they're engaged in now.
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"Freedom is everything."


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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

I am offended Edalene and Lena did not get a mention in this post.
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

YAS. Please do all the fun writings! Missed your face. <3
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

I am offended Edalene and Lena did not get a mention in this post.
Uh, hellurrrrr! You're the main attraction baby! :P Pat's gonna have his hands full with Lena obvs, and Eda is naturally going to be the one to corrupt Seth. lol. I'm actually eager to get our stuff going though, so whenever you find the time and things aren't rough; lemme know love and we can get started on plots and shit. ;)
YAS. Please do all the fun writings! Missed your face. <3
Paaaaash! I've missed yours too! <3 I've been so caught up with work these past couple of weeks that my spare time has been left with little motivation, such has been the nature of my inspiration due to the grand opening of our store. I gotta say though that I'm pretty proud since our regional manager even said great job to us, out of other thirteen stores in our area that had recently opened we're the top in our sales; especially in the bakery and kitchen area! I'm hopeful that things will calm down and we'll get an actual normalized schedule soon, so that I can plan out times where I can write and get back into the groove once more. :)
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

Epic news my peeps and fellow writers!! I've just wrapped up Kayleigh's job thread, so that leaves little else in Saun stuff save for Enrick posts that I need to do. Which will be getting done tomorrow, as well as my official focus on Vhalar and plot related things for the new season!! Yes yes yes!!! I'm super excited y'all, I've been ready to get past the obstacle of JT's being due, and with those out of the way now I'm super ready and psyched to carry out plans for this season. Five characters is going to be so much fun trying to juggle, but I'm sure I'll do my best to manage it with work. Speaking of which I'm picking up more hours again, having next to about no days off anytime soon. If I'm lucky I might have Sunday or Monday off next week, overall though I'm going to be a busy bee at work.

On the bright side I'm getting nice amounts of hours in, and that means awesome payloads when the payday rolls around. I managed to get 98 hours in my last work period which was both our opening and grand opening, so hopefully I can keep up those hours and build up some savings for projects I've had in store. I've been wanting to put together shit like a workshop for DIY projects, namely because I like props I can craft from video games like Fallout or Kingdom Hearts. I'm definitely gonna budget my shit out though and start saving up from portions of my check, because I'm one who enjoys the security of financial stability more than anything. So yeah, that's the update on stuff! Again I'm excited! Can't wait for a fun filled Vhalar with you all!!
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

It's been a while hasn't it my writing friends and fam. Every so often I remember and then forget to remember, to check in and write down something that's going on. It's a bad happen but with the way things have been going lately, I think I'm going to get back into the habit soon. RL keeps me busy with work as usual but outside of work, I've recently started hanging out with a couple of fun friends. Did I mention that I'm now a licensed driver? Whoops. That slipped too apparently; as of earlier this month I'm now -legally- able to drive because I got my license, when almost a year ago I clearly got roped into getting my Learner's Permit. Still don't believe I actually passed it come to think of it, but in terms of driving I've managed not to hit anything so far. Silver lining there I'll take.

So yeah. Things seem pretty good and pretty lax around here, only thing is me being me I'm doing what I don't usually do. I go out and hang out at friend's places, and before I wouldn't typically worry about doing anything like that. Being a homebody and a loner I just usually got up, went to work, came home and wrote if I felt like it; played video games whenever I didn't. It often did get to me in matters of being lonesome at times, but it was a sort of thing I became better able to deal with. Because me hanging out with friends leads to personal attachments, and while that may actually be 'good' in my case (since I clearly lack a social life) it certainly doesn't feel that way. A vast majority of you on here know, if not before then by now, that I'm the type of person that wears my heart on my sleeve. I'm not afraid to demonstrate when I care about something, and naturally when I care enough I'll go to great lengths to make sure things are happy between me and it.

Which is why I threw myself into the thick of our site's past drama episodes a couple of times, because I wanted things to work out and everyone to find that 'happy' balance. Suffice it to say it didn't entirely work and my lack of trying has been sporadic ever since, but that's digressing from the point I was making now isn't it. Caring. It's what I'm great at doing, it's an inborn 'gift' or trait I possess that doesn't seem to have an off switch. Even when I try not to, that little part of me that wants to feel just comes right back with reasons as to why I should. That said when it comes to friends, my strongest capacity of caring is trying to make sure they're happy. Trying a lot actually. Almost zealously even, and it gets bad enough to where I have to force myself to refrain from bothering them more than I should.

I try to play it cool and bear in mind that a person should be wanting to come to me, or at least making an effort to reach out to me as well, before I allow myself to emotionally invest in such a person. Thing is these friends I've hung out with recently are people I work with as well, so we know quite a bit about each other and overall interact almost on a daily basis. So personal attachment isn't an issue here since I see them all the time, but it's after the fact I've spent time with them that sucks the most. I like to call it 'post hangout blues' because its a state of mind where I suddenly miss them, and then kick my own ass over and over with trying not to think about it. It's difficult to try and keep myself from caring so much, growing up with such limited number of 'friends' or people I just plainly trust in general was hard.

I could never really connect to a lot of people when I was younger, anxiety and some years of middle school bullies didn't help either. So I've found it easier trying not to fit into any sort of social group, rather just linger by myself and let those that drift my way decide if they want to stick around. I can easily admit first out of this quirk; sooner or later people always leave. It's a sad truth I learned early on and didn't want to face, never liked facing as I continued to grow. Maybe it's because I'm also prone to chronic depression stages, or I'm just typically putting myself in these sort of situations without even thinking. But overall I've come to realize that I really can and do care strongly for some people, and the more it becomes apparent the more I want to both act out on it and at the same time cut ties before that sad reality causes us to drift away. I use distractions to try and cope with it, but even now those seem less effective then they used to be.

Being human sucks, in my mind anyways, and half the time I think it'd be easier to just not feel this, and yet I already know it's better than the alternative which is feeling nothing at all. I remember being at that point a few times that's for sure, it only ever comes when life gets super hard or hits with a wicked curve ball. So far that's yet to happen but still I find myself holding a breath, waiting to see what comes next to make me fall back into that same lonely shell I tuck back into.

So yeah hanging out with friends in the real world has got me feeling all sorts of things, good mostly and even greater when I'm legit with them. Away though and I'm almost melancholic, but not miserable thankfully, about the whole situation. I think it's a good idea for me to start venting it into something, poetry maybe as that was a good way of venting when I was a kid. Either way I'm expressing it here with hopes some of you will understand, and maybe have some insight on ways I can handle the situation better. Under different circumstances I'm sure I wouldn't even be ranting about this, but I've repeated this mistake one time too many as is and would defer to break the spiraling cycle this has proven to be for me. With much love peeps, cheers and have a happy thanksgiving!
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[OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

I'd thought today would be a result of me doing what I'm best at, shutting everyone out and pretending I don't exist for the day. Why? Because this whole week has been leading up to one big, bad memory of my life two years ago, and I'll tell you all about this memory in a minute but before I do; I want to say that even while it's hard now somehow I realized it felt better to sharing this. With all of you. An old pal from the same forum I came from helped me realize this, not because of the sake of pity but the genuine hope that he completely understood where I am right now.

So maybe if everyone knew... then maybe it'd be easier to deal with in having support, rather than pushing myself into a corner and living with the fact alone. So here it is, the event that happened two years ago.

I'd received the call late in the morning from my grandmother, she'd reached my sister first and I naturally awoke to an urgent name call. When I took the phone from her I had been given the news of my father, and how he'd been found dead earlier that morning at his cabin. I was shocked naturally, unable to be there as I'd moved several states away half a year prior. So then came the grieving process and the sudden return trip down home, which along the way my second train left before we arrived, and the end result was me having to sleep in some city I've never been in. The company covered the hotel expenses for their minor hiccup, and the next day I was off on another train back down south. It was late when I got home finally, practically within the early AM.

I'd missed the funeral because of the mishap with the train, so naturally everyone else was grief stricken like me. Yet when I got down there, the whole 'be there for your family' mentality quickly became shit. All because of a matter relating to money, the property that now fell in my name, and some stupid words my grandparents took too literal when I was far too young then. So lemme backtrack a little further from this point, and start off by pointing out a specific thing. When you're a kid, don't matter what age, things you say shouldn't be held against you later in life. You're still a child, you don't understand the gravity of the situation until it actually happens. Well when I was still fresh into high school, my dad had one time asked me what I'd do with his land; that is if it came to fall into my possession one day. Without even thinking I immediately told him, "I really don't have a clue dad, the worst I could do is sell it if we needed money that bad."

Again. Words of a child.

So fast forward back to the event when I'm with my grandparent, specifically my own granddad was set on buying the land from me. I hardly remember the specifics anymore but the situation itself was outrageous, mentions of a truck they couldn't repossess as well as bills/funeral funds owed. That sort of lame ass shit. So overall my grandfather is determined to have me sell him the property, literally the only legacy left of my father after I lost him suddenly. I never even got the chance to talk to him, not since before we moved up into the Midwest. I intended to and even made plans, but just as we were settled in and finally getting shit together, my own dad dies of heart failure and he was just a few years shy of 50.

So yeah, naturally I'm devastated and just want to leave. By that point I had to reach out to my cousin and back him up, as he even tried to help clarify the flaws of the situation. But my grandpa never even listened, so I practically had to leave just like that. I spent the rest of that week waiting for my sister and her (was at the time) husband to come down and help me take home things left behind by my father, while I left the whole property situation to rot for the next two years to come because I was that pissed. Why was I that pissed? Because not only did they poorly handle the situation, but my grandad's exact words he told me was that "You're going to sell it and all you want is the money. We want that property to stay within the family name!"

So what?... Clearly I wasn't a part of the family anymore, my lineage to them died with my father. Least that's how it felt, and ever since then I'd regretted the entire ordeal. I carry that regret now. Every day I try not to think on it, but around this time of the year it gets worse. I keep wishing for something that'll never happen, that I'll somehow have the chance to have that 'last talk' with my dad before he left. But no. I'll never know and I have to live with that, carry it with me like it's a sin embedded in my spirit. I get to the point where I loathe and hate almost everything for a while, until finally I can make it easier to deal with by distracting myself. That's why I've been up almost constantly these past few nights, so that I didn't have to think about the shit that went down two years ago.


So that's pretty much why I probably might've been a little distant today, it's a situation that I don't want to struggle with alone anymore. I don't know how to deal with it, especially in a healthier manner, so I guess writing about it would do me the better service than brooding over it with a drink in hand.
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Re: [OOC] Machinations of a Rambler

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Holy shit... Has it really been over a year since I last wrote here? There's so much that's gone on since then, that I'd forgotten this even existed for a while. But maybe it's time I start picking up on this again, so that those of you who read this know what's going on in my life.

So how have I been? What have I been up to? As much as I'd love to start going on a long elaborate tangent with just these two questions, that in itself would feel counterproductive to the purpose in which I'm writing this post now. All I can say is that things certainly haven't been easy this year, and for what it's worth I'm taking the measures necessary to improve on things. There have been aspects of my life that I've just flat out never been happy with, so naturally it was hard for me to readjust to them once the one good thing I had going didn't last.

So the past few months have been a hell of a hard reality check for me, and though I've learned my lessons well I still struggle with things. Like motivation. I know what I need to do to improve certain aspects, however like always I fall short in keeping myself motivated long enough to continue the pursuit. It's getting better though, for example I started to work out when I realized I'm not happy with how I look. Anybody who's seen a picture of me is probably already rolling their eyes or thinking there's nothing wrong, but believe it or not when you're a skinny guy like me and putting on weight is impossible; you find it hard to be as attractive as you'd like to be towards other people.

So naturally the solution to that is improvement of the body, through rigorous exercises that half the time I'm never motivated to do. Granted I manage on occasion, but so far I've not found the consistency nor discipline to remained completely focus. Yet. That's what this next section is about in fact. I've realized that a lot of my free time is spent either playing video games, watching some kind of show on an app, or just spending a lot of time trying to write on here. Half the time I don't write as much as I could, and I realized here recently just the amount I literally could get done in just a day; if I'd just cut out all distraction and focused on what needed to be done. I wish it were that easy though, breaking continuous habits never is though.

So today I went out and bought office supplies, thinking that if I sit down and take time to think considerably; then I can figure out how to distribute the hours of my day better. This has led me to believe that with enough consistency I can develop the discipline, maintain the focus, and improve the drive that I've clearly neglected for so long. There's obviously more to the story here but I'd prefer you just take it for what you will, as the rest to come is more or less me ranting about the things I'm getting ready to face. I don't like to talk a lot and it's because I grew up that way, always uncomfortable in social situations. Needless to say I've tried, and failed, putting myself out there a bit more just to make friends in the real world.

This isn't a pity rant or anything just... me being honest and open about myself. I've made it clear that I deal with anxiety on a daily basis, so half the time when I'm not in Discord; it's due to a variety of reasons that more than likely aren't true. But that's how it works isn't it? Your worried thoughts lie to you in such convincing ways, enough to make you believe that just maybe your insecurities are true. And no I'm not on any medication for it, in fact I choose not to because while it worked for a while; eventually it almost turned out to do the exact opposite of what it should've done. So I weaned off it and have remained in control ever since, learning how to 'positively' deal with it as I get on with my life.

I try to avoid the statement "I'm fine" when people ask how I'm doing, and it's because of the fact that it was so often used even when I really wasn't. Thing is it's easy for people who don't see you everyday to accept that as an answer, because you don't have to hide behind a smile or whatever when you simply just write those words. How I am now is a bit complicated to answer even for me, on the bright side I'm still breathing and making it with what I got so far. But at the same time I deal with the same constance I was never fond of, sometimes wish to go back to simpler times, and then kick myself for starting to stray from this path I've set myself on as of three months ago. Self improvement has never been something so easily done I know, and when you spend so much time loathing what/where you are in your life; it makes it that much harder to actually remain focused and change it.

What also doesn't help is that I've never been one who approves of change, growing up as a kid any small form of change could easily upset me. I learned to deal with it early on thankfully, but breaking habits such as how lazy I can get and the like are something I've never been able to outright do. Sometimes I feel moody and just withdraw, listening to music that seems to resemble what I strongly feel in that particular moment. I guess in a sense I've learned the past year how things really work with me, I've become more aware of how deep or intense I tend to think or feel compared to usual. A lot of the things I'm writing now may just come of as something random, or a stray thought of some relevance to what I'm typing right now in fact. I a lot of introspection and even thinking back, wondering on how I can change to improve things for the better.

Then I remember that I don't need to and that, instead, I need to focus on the now and how I am in this particular moment. As of today I'm conflicted, if that's not clearly obvious, about a lot of things but I don't let it get to me. Instead I do what I can and when I start to struggle, try to get back in a better mindset to make it better. Sometimes this leads to be either bottling up the emotions associated with the issue, such as frustration or depression, until enough gets suppressed to the point that I need to let it all out. I withdraw from everything and everyone, unable to face it all and admit that I'm not okay at that point. I shut down and let it all go, embracing what I like to refer to as the storm that's brewing inside my mind or heart. After a few days depending on the time needed to just vent it all out, I resume where I left off and get back to things as they come.

Let's see...

I thought about getting more personal but don't really feel comfortable about it, as it stands I've already gone in-depth of my recent struggles. More or less so people reading get an idea on what's been going on, or at least the gravity of it given how vague this ramble has been in my introspection. I think I'll leave off from here though, and hopefully I'll resume posting here more often depending on how the thoughts come later.




word count: 1399
"Freedom is everything."


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