Relevant Ymiden 719 Solo 5

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Mads
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Posts: 382
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:37 pm
Race: Human
Profession: hex hawker
Renown: 65
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Relevant Ymiden 719 Solo 5

8 Ymiden 719

Thin, spindly arms hung long from a thick, meaty trunk of a body. Its back to him, there was no head visible, though its equally slender legs were pulled into a frog-like squat as it continued its incessant - almost frantic - scratching. Its whole body was covered in thin, wiry grey hairs, like the whiskers of the old men who wandered through Lair, blind and high upon the fumes and vapours of the darker, smarmier dens. The entire cavernous room wherein it sat in the middle was filled with an oddly acrid scent, like smoke only without the bitter hints of charcoal.

The creature was roughly twice his size, objectively not all that impressive but certainly not ideal. What was ideal, however, was the thing's singular focus on its task. It didn't take any notice as Mathias slowly crept along the uneven, shimmering amethyst floor of the cavern, stepping toes first to conceal as much noise of his approach as possible. It gave no indication it might sense him as he paused only a few paces from its wrinkled body, the hairs on its scabbed skin sticking out at all angles. It continued its scritching and scratching as he raised the knife, ready to plunge the blade deep into the fleshy expanse of its wide back.

Then, as Mathias silently swung the knife downwards, the scratching stopped. In a whirl of movement completely unexpected given the creature's size and fragile-seeming limbs, the creature turned. Its possessed no discernable head, merely a hairy body with arms and legs, but at the centre of what should have been its chest was a gaping mouth filled thick, gnashing teeth that dripped a thick, viscous putrid substance. At the end of its slender arms were spiderlike fingers, each capped with claws that seemed more blades than any natural nail.

A sharp clang echoed throughout the chamber as Mathias' knife scrapped off of the creature's defending hand that shot forward to protect itself. Without hesitation, Mathias retreated several paces, bright eyes attempting to gauge just how far the thing's reach might be. It possessed no eyes of its own, nothing to give any indication of whether it was taken by surprise or not, but the following uncertainty of its movements as its arms slowly lowered and groped through the air suggested he had a trill or two to decide his next attack.

Taking the opportunity to renew his assault in the wake of what seemed to the be creature's confusion, Mathias darted forward once again, knife gripped tightly and body braced for retaliation. As quickly as before, the thing responded to the threat of the knife. Bladed claws struck blindly towards him, knocking the knife from his hand and slashing through his right arm sleeve, bouncing off of the hard, dark glass-like substance of his body as the skin around the point of impact dissipated. As the knife clattered across the floor, the creature seemed to hesitate again, mouth agape but uncomfortably silent.

His weapon too far away to be quickly retrieved, Mathias opted to make use of the closed distance between himself and the creature. Fingers curled into a fist, he struck right below the thing's lipless mouth, where its chin might have been. He felt the saggy flesh bend beneath the force of the strike before he pulled his hand back and ducked low to avoid the sweeping slash of claws as they passed overhead. Though he attempted a second strike at the creature's legs, it shuffled backwards, arms flailing in blind defence, mouth still agape and still void of any sort of sound.

Using what little time he had before the creature might retaliate, Mathias quickly scrambled across the floor, snatching up the discarded knife and once more gripping it tightly in his dominant hand. A trill after he centred his weight, knees bent and eyes searching the beast for an opening, it lunged forward, teeth gnashing with hard clacking noise as its arms swung in an uncontrolled flurry of swipes and slashes.

Dropping low once again, Mathias crouched below the mess of bladed claws and jabbed forward with his knife. The angle was off, and all he managed to cut through was the empty air as the creature continued to barrel forward. No time to do anything other than draw his own limbs in tight, knife clutched to his chest, Mathias braced himself as the creature collided with him. He felt the scrape of claws strike his back several times, tearing away both the cloth of his shirt and the thin layer of skin before he was knocked backwards by the thing's surprisingly powerful legs.

Though he tried to utilize the momentum to roll into a more manageable position, the ground was too uneven, and he felt small fractures spread from the chips along his black glass-like back. Wincing more so out of frustration than the vague sense of pain, Mathias staggered to his feet, knife still in hand but somewhat disoriented, unprepared for the creature's next strike.

It came from above, a slashing downward slam of both its clawed hands. He could feel the last of his skin dissipate, mitigating only a fraction of the force as the rest of the bladed fingers scraped against the smooth dark glass of his underbody. Several splintered shards scattered across the ground as the claws chipped at the odd angles they collided with him, but Mathias remained standing, bright eyes focused on the meaty, scabbed mass of the creature's body directly in front of him and unprotected.

No time to aim, Mathias plunged the knife forward. It sunk into the wrinkled flesh just to the left of the centre of its body, a pale yellowish substance that was most certainly not the familiar crimson hue of mortal blood beaded just above the dull edge of the knife's blade and flowed a bit more liberally as he quickly withdrew, ready to stab again. Though it raised its arms in an attempt to retaliate, Mathias was faster and too close to its own body for its claws to be nearly as effective as they might otherwise have been. The second cut was deeper, and it forced the thing to rapidly retreat.

To Mathias' dismay, he'd embedded the knife too deep inside the creature to effectively pull it out before it was wrenched out of his hand, still stuck almost directly beneath the bottom of the gaping, now excessively drooling mouth. Disarmed of both his knife and the naturally protective layer of his skin, Mathias stood, dark smooth glass nicked and chipped around his shoulders and all along his back, his featureless face staring intently at his quarry.

It was... oozing now. Whether the pale yellowish liquid that gradually dripped from the two wounds he'd inflicted upon it was blood or not, it was most definitely a liquid of a kind. Though he doubted it was anything meant for human consumption, it was better than nothing, and it might keep Talisse alive long enough for them to find a way out of the fracture. Dark glass fingers flexing, Mathias bounced up and down, knees bent and ready as he waited for the creature's next move.

As expected, it charged, teeth gnashed and arms flailing. There was a distinct implication in its movements that it was not used to being blind - everything was reactionary, too wild and panicked. The lack of ether, perhaps, had affected it in much the same way it had Mathias, only he had retained full faculty over his senses, whereas the creature must have relied upon something far less mundane to seek out and defend against danger. In a way, he supposed, the creature was a wounded, pathetic shadow of what it might have been; a fortunate thing indeed.

Rather than ducking as before, Mathias shuffled to the side of the creature's advance, crouching slightly to avoid a particularly low swipe from one of its claws before popping back up behind it and slamming his fist into its back. The scabbed flesh gave way beneath the force of the blow, but the creature barely even staggered before it whirled around to face him. Ready this time, Mathias kept his focus on where he knew the knife would be. The moment he caught sight of it, he reached forward and wrenched it free, fumbling for just a trill as he regripped it before plunging it back into the side of the creatures "face". Rather than withdraw as he had before, he instead drew closer, careful to avoid standing directly in front of the mouth where he might be easily knocked inside and threw his full weight into pulling the knife downwards.

The great stained teeth clacked together as the blade tore through the wrinkled, surprisingly feeble flesh. The same pale yellowish liquid oozed forth, coating his hands as he wriggled the blade free. It staggered backwards, claws flailing and catching at Mathias's cheek and shoulder, chipping off several dark shards. Flicking the creature's fluids from his hand, he regripped the knife and readied himself again.

It was merely a matter of time now.
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word count: 1543
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Strange
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Re: Relevant Ymiden 719 Solo 5


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Thread Review

Mads

Mathias "Mads" Moreno
Skill Points: +10 (cannot be used for magic)
Magic XP: None.

Renown: None.

Injuries/Overstepping: Lots of obsidian-like chippy chips!
Wealth Points: None.
Loot: None.

Skill Knowledge:

tactics-
  • study an opponent
  • wait for an opening
  • utilize and enemy's habits and patterns against it
blades-
  • knife - throwing weight into a cut
  • knife - diagonal stab
  • knife - effective against flesh
Non-Skill Knowledge:
  • none requested.
Notes: n/a.

This was an incredibly entertaining read. The monster was sufficiently creepy and seemed dangerous enough to create a sense of risk for Mads, even with his particular body and ability to not be hindered by what would surely halt more squishy-bodied people.

Stylistic-wise, consider omitting certain transition words to create more punch to action-based moments. By removing words like "as" and splitting the prose into separate sentences instead, a quicker pace can sometimes be created for the reader.

An example of this... Before:
The angle was off, and all he managed to cut through was the empty air as the creature continued to barrel forward.

After:
The angle was off. All he managed to cut through was the empty air. The creature continued to barrel forward.

Another stylistic technique when it comes to action scenes is to avoid excessive gerunds within the same sentence. So an example of this would be... Before:
Using what little time he had before the creature might retaliate, Mathias quickly scrambled across the floor, snatching up the discarded knife and once more gripping it tightly in his dominant hand.

After:
With what little time he had, before the creature might retaliate, Mathias quickly scrambled across the floor, snatched the discarded knife, and once more gripped it tightly in his dominant hand.

Excellent job! I look forward to reading the rest of this series. Enjoy your rewards, Mr. Chippy Chip.

PM me if you have any questions, issues or concerns.

Total Word Count: 1552 words.
Review Request Link: viewtopic.php?p=121286#p121286
stampcodehere

word count: 334
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