19th Ashan, 721
following this
Vega watched as Elisabeth fussed with the tea and she kept quiet. The way that they had the water boiling here seemed very odd to her, but Vega was aware that she and Arlo had both been camping for a lot of arcs and they were probably rather set in their ways. So, she said nothing, simply smiled and accepted the tea. She sniffed it first, and then smiled. "That smells great, thanks." She cradled the cup and sat, pulling her knees up and looking out to the ocean. Elisabeth explained that she'd met Balthazar in Rharne. Vega knew of him, of course, he'd turned up when they were fighting Rhaum, and he'd been at the Mummer's Ball. She didn't know much more than that, though, so her opinion ended where it began - and that was quite rare for her.
But, Elisabeth had a question on her mind, Vega thought. She had asked her to come down here because she wanted an answer or an insight or something. And, indeed, then she asked. It rather surprised Vega, in truth, what the question was and so she held on to her mug for a moment, and thought about Elisabeth's question, playing it again in her head. "I feel like I’ve spent my time…on the back foot. Always. Showing up at exactly the right time for something I know nothing about. I’ve learned that it’s a great teacher, situations like that, learning how to thrive in said environments and I feel like, in part, you understand what living a life full of that is like.”
She mulled it over and she considered it and then Vega came to a conclusion.
"I think," she said, thoughtfully, "that maybe I don't quite understand where you're comin' from."
That was not, in itself, unusual for the redhead. She often didn't really see things the way other people did. But, Vega felt that there was a fundamental misunderstanding here, and as she spoke, she realised what it was. "Or, maybe it's more a case of you not understandin' where I'm comin' from." The more she thought about it, the more she considered that was true. There were a hundred thoughts in Vega's mind at that moment as memory after memory fell in on her. For whatever reason, and Vega didn't understand why, fate or Scalvoris or the great lord guadalumpeen had shown this woman flashes of her life. As she considered that particular truth, Vega's eyes swirled in shades of blue.
"I don't live that life," she said with a slight smile. "I'm not 'on the back foot', an' while I'm not book-learnin' clever, I have never found a situation I've been unqualified to deal with." She shrugged. "Thus far, I've lived a rich an' full life, an' I've experienced a lot. But even when I was a kid, I weren't on the back foot, an' honestly?" Shaking her head slightly, she turned her gaze to Elisabeth. "I get that you're feelin' whatever it is you're feelin'. I do. But your assumption that there's any part of me what understands a life on the back foot, showin' up for things that I know nothin' about is like?" She never hesitated in saying what she thought or felt, and would not do so now. It simply wasn't her way. "That assumption would be downright offensive, if I cared for one trill what you, or anyone who so blatantly knows nothin' about me thinks about me." Raising her hand, she shook her head. "But, I don't, so it's not to worry about. But if you're feelin' like you're on the back foot, get your balance centred, or get on your front one an' dance." With a shrug, Vega smiled.
"Maybe to you, the fact that my life seems to be one thing after another means I must feel that way. Maybe because I'm clear about who I am an' what my strengths an' weaknesses are, it seems like I'm feelin' unqualified, or unable to deal with things. Nothin' could be further from the truth," she grinned at just how true that was. "An' maybe that's the answer you need. I know me. I understand me. Every insecurity an' fear that fire-demon whispered to me, I recognised. Because I'd thought it, considered it, an' understood it for what it was." Gesturing to the ocean, and the island around her, Vega sighed a little. "My life is great. Every trial is different an' I never know what's comin'. An' one trial, I'll meet the thing or the person or the disease or the natural disaster what stops me. But not to-trial."
As for the second part of Elisabeths question, Vega addressed it. "An' I don't know if you ever get used to livin' a life like mine. Since my first memory, every trial has had new things in it. New places, new people, bad things, good things. It's always been like that, I've never lived in a house, never stayed still." Flecks of orange added themselves to the mix in her mostly-blue eyes as she wondered what it would be like, living a life as she imagined most people must have. But she was never curious enough to find out. "I don't think I'll ever get used to it, not at all. I wake up every mornin' an' I'm grateful for it. I'll never take it for granted." She chuckled.
"But if there were part of my life I didn't like, or I had to get used to?" Vega shrugged. "I'd change it. If I felt out of place - an' I have, all my life - I'd look at why an' then decide if I cared. If I cared, I'd change it. If I didn't, I'd recognise I didn't care an' accept I jus' felt out of place." She'd chosen the second one time and time again - including at the Mummers Ball. Vega sipped her tea. "I'm not good with angst. I mostly can't be doin' with it. It's a selfish an' wasted emotion, an' I really don't understand it, or any of the things you've described. The only solution I can offer you is work out what the problem is in you, then either accept it or change it. Those are your only two options. If your life leaves you feelin' like that, change yourself or change your life." She smiled, and put down her now-empty cup.
"You know," she said with a smile. "There's better ways to keep yer water hot all trial. Make a chimney above the fire, an' then the stones of the chimney will be warm. They'll radiate heat an' you can make holders for the water, against them." Gesturing to the fire, she looked at it. "You're losin' tons of heat that way. With a chimney, you can have shelves in it, too, for roastin' an' stuff."
Why, Vega wondered, did no one ever ask her for advice about things she knew about? Why was it all about emotions and gubbins like that and never about chimneys?