Ashan had been nothing but an intense battle with time and thought, for the moment first light fell upon the land Patrick also felt light within himself again. Yet after the suppression of one's own humanity and resignation to his very fate, one could only stare at the abyss they've kept within for so long. Thus not long after his initial wake Patrick suffered not at the hands of knights or fellow prisoners, but the brutality that came with feeling everything that came back. Ever since his light's return the bulwark that contained every thought and feeling cracked, and gave way to the surging power of emotional turmoil as it all rushed through. Every memory he'd hoped to forget, every deed both good and bad, any and everything that defined him all barreled through his mind.
It was a cycle of repetent torture, however one that wouldn't rectify all the wrong he'd caused. He'd arrived a couple hours ago at the cathedral, thoughts still racing as he recollected significant details. Being blind and on the outside he felt robbed of true sentiment, for not being able to see his home again was the true curse in his eyes. But the smell of Rharne had never changed in his time away, the pungent smell of booze and pollen filtered through the air on his way up. Now after those in the cathedral were kind enough to provide, Patrick had been allowed the opportunity to wash up and change into something different. Prison rags were something he felt more resigned to, but as a broken man he felt less entitled to turn down such generosity. For he expected such a thing would be all he received from this point on.
While he sat down in some other room awaiting his trial, the sound of a gathering crowd could be heard beyond his door. Blindness was certainly not his ally wherever he went, and while he had help with getting around the coming storm wasn't his only obstacle. Fingers drummed anxiously against the arm of his chair as he brushed others through his messy hair, as the locks on his head and face resembled that of a wild untamed jungle by now. While he hadn't any idea how his outfit looked, the fabric felt akin to either jute or perhaps even cotton. He could feel his forearms breathe the chilly air in the room, although it was likely his nerves responding to the palpable tension in his form.
"Bring in Patrick Barnell."
His fingers stopped at the sound of the voice which boomed in the main hall, the cathedral likely now packed with onlookers who came to witness the trial. In that very moment his heart grew heavier, ready to plummet at any given notice now that he knew it was time. When the sound of footsteps came to approach him, Patrick eagerly brushed his palms across the rough texture of his pants; and carefully rose to a stand as cold firm hands gripped his forearms. It was finally time, but the first step felt next to impossible for him to take. However the knights wouldn't wait for him to pony up for this, and so the Rharnian cautiously marched forward with legs that felt like jelly. The transition from the room he'd sat within to the main hall was easily noticeable, for the muffled sounds of banter and curiosity cleared into a song in his ears.
There was a lot of confusion and uncertainty about him from the general crowd, but a few of them weren't also afraid to judge him for his crimes already. Treason had been what brought him here after all, and no proud Rharnian would bear love for a traitor in their midst. Pat's nerves fell into a jittery pattern displayed within his hands, as the knights who escorted him brought him to a halt moments later. At the nudge to sit he eased into his chair with a relative weight in his figure, though not the sort which implied any sort of packed meat or fat either. No his was the weight of sin and regret, of a tortured mind that awaited the coming storm. Soon he would probably feel the lightning's wrath, and Patrick only hoped none of his family was there to see it happen. As much as that small part of him yearned for it, he was far from deserving to hear anything about them again. But to see...
Hold on... The color of grey started to pilfer through his darkened vision, then as the blackened sight lessened his whole world became a mess of color. Agitation developed as he felt the need to brush his eyes with his hands, the welcoming return of a world with light one most unexpected for the Rharnian. Initially it was like gazing up close to a freshly made painting, the colors solidifying into shapes and structures as his vision cleared. Immediately he took in the first few things he could see, the desks and chairs they were stationed to sit at, and then the walls with their beautifully decorated stained glass windows. These were the things he'd missed being able to see, and while he took in the cathedral's grandeur with all; Patrick realized how for granted he really took it all. He could probably count his number of visits here on just one hand, yet not one of them was just taking in the sights of this amazing place. A look past his shoulder revealed the clustered mob of onlookers gathered, while a shift in direction pointed his gaze towards the witness bench.
Towards Faith.
She sat all alone now as the trial waited to commence, and Patrick couldn't help but wonder why that was. Was she the only one they needed to damn him? It wouldn't take much for sure, not after the heaping mountains of trouble he caused on her behalf. He felt the bitter sting of regret pierce his heart then, for he noticed she also avoided looking his way. He'd truly made a mess of everything hadn't he? Deep down he knew it was well beyond undeserved, but a residual part of him lingered on her specifically; and more importantly on the forgiveness he wanted from her. Then the arrival of those who would judge took place, as Ilaren stormed in with a grand shock of an entrance. Immediately when the Immortal's sights fell on him, Patrick lowered his head with complete shame in his eyes. Yet the arrival of the other two?
"Holy shit," He immediately thought to his great dismay,
"there's three of them here now?!" Reluctance plagued his intent when he slowly gazed back up, his eyes on Famula briefly before they moved to Qylios afterwards. It made sense to him though when he thought more of it; Ilaren was to judge one of her own citizen's to-trial while the others watched, Famula's involvement regarding Faith and the war no doubt, and then Qylios solely invested in Patrick after everything that's happened. But of course the truth of the matter was that he didn't fail his friends and family, he also failed the three Goddesses gathered before him. He also regarded that they were all donned in armor for this trial as well, which led him to wonder if they wore it as a means of stature or for another reason.
Ilaren's veritable temperament was felt even in her tone of voice, and Patrick's thoughts started to race at the incline of how she felt. Would they execute him to-trial? Or would they find him guilty and see that he atoned? The Immortals presence felt more than a justified appearance on behalf of both parties, but that alone was the last concern in Patrick's mind as of now. Right in that moment he felt his heart cave and plummet within, the accounts of high treason he'd been charged with were a comparable hammer's blow to the nail; which he felt finished the seal on his would be awaiting coffin. Yet the trial had to begin before he was even given such a sentence, and when Ilaren allowed Faith to take the initiative with her testimony; Patrick's remorseful eyes fell to the devoted champion when she rose. Faith still avoided looking at him. Why?
Scratch that... he knew exactly why. But that still didn't mean it hurt to see her act in such a way, the woman he knew to be utterly kind and compassionate seemed distant now. What was even worse was the fact he made her like this, his very actions is what brought her to act in such a way now. She began and her voice shook a little, garnering a pique of curiosity and concern when he tried to read into it. Was this as hard for her as it was for him? That faint sliver of hope nearly blossomed into something more, before Patrick closed his eyes once more to keep his thoughts from carrying on too far.
"Stop hoping things will be alright... You're here to accept the charges and your punishment." He reminded himself as the champion began her testimony, her words a resounding echo to the memories which surfaced within. In short Patrick recollected it all, everything she began to say rang true to his memory.
Cylus had been when it all began, he'd received the call and answered it without question. Faith was ready to start a war with Ellasin and Patrick, somehow, felt inclined to take the bitch down; for Faith as much as it was for him. His connection to the Necromantis however felt vague compared to before, as though there were elements missing to the memory. Yet in that first meeting he remembered clear as day the promises he made to Faith, which made it all the more crushing on his spirit when he realized his actions proved the opposite. He was never there to help Faith like he should've, and he certainly didn't take down the big baddie like he hoped to either. None of his actions led him to become the hero he wanted to be, just another problem Faith herself had to deal with at a later date. It was at the mention of someone named Alistair however, and Faith's clarification, that Patrick realized what he was missing from the memory.
Ellasin would've never approached Patrick before so why? Why then? This Alistair person played an important part in that, and while Patrick can remember being scared and taunted by the Necromantis, it all just didn't quite add up without the memory of this one person. Was Alistair someone special to him then? Confusion nearly overtook his focus right then, except Patrick still yearned to make sure he remained on the same page. After all his story was just as important as Faith's, and he wanted to make sure everything aligned perfectly before his time was up. Faith also remarked upon how he mentioned seeking out the Shadow Quarter, and the projects Patrick left behind prior to trying to reach out to them. It was apparent right then he truly fell at the mercy of those before him, and ultimately he knew covering his tracks was nigh impossible. But why even bother? He came here for retribution after all, therefore he wouldn't hide the facts or the shame found in his past; for those too were important elements to his story now.
Faith also remarked upon noticing his shortcomings he displayed, the eagerness to play an important part which he felt quite short of in terms of capacity. There were many times Patrick questioned his role in the war, and while he wanted to prove he was an essential asset; he failed to justify his own course for Faith's own cause. Ultimately he failed himself when he failed Faith, which is when he started the process of self sabotage. It first began with the suppression of his humanity, burying every feeling or regret deep within so that it wouldn't surface. It also led to him digging his very own grave, for the act of reaching out to the Shadow Quarter was one riddled with blood. Patrick's breathing intensified a little as he tried to remain calm, his collected memory still matching the story Faith spun for those gathered. Everything he heard was true, almost to the point where denial remained impossible; again however he wished for retribution. To pay for his wrongs and, hopefully, find a way to set things right if he found a way. But that remained on what went down here to-trial...
The mention of the Ymiden meeting came up and it was right then Patrick felt his stomach roll. For that had been where everything began, every wrong turn he made based on a hopeless facade. It was fear that drove him to become the rogue pawn in the war, yet like so many others he became removed from the board far too early. All because of his illicit activities in hopes that he'd be the better gamble, that he'd outpace the ones who truly influenced the war's own direction. It was then he recollected the moment Faith glared at him, as she described, and felt an utter sense of stupidity fill his very mind. Had he been so desperate to be so important? Did he truly think himself worthless at that time? The answer was a redundant but firm yes. Then the rest became a sense of history he wanted to change, but remained ever so powerless to do so in his current state.
At the telling of Faith's spy having Patrick and Maxine followed, a sense of guilt and anger collided within the tangled mess of emotions within. She didn't feel he could trust him even when he tried to remain on her side, and what's worse was the fact he had a chance at being aware of it also.
The night he met the infamous Witch Doctor she had mentioned he was being watched, but he perceived it as an assurance that Faith still cared for him well enough; not that he'd become such an intrepid threat to her mission. Now that he'd realized it a revelation also dawned on him, in which Qylios's earned wrath spurned Her to act in accordance with a curse. Time after time he's shown himself to betray not just himself, but the ones that were closest to him as well. Darkness governed his actions consistently at the time, and he in turn allowed that darkness to consume his own life.
Blasphemer, traitor, and coward. These were the qualities that made him unworthy, the reasons why he had earned her scorn even in prison. He turned a blind eye to the ones he loved, all because his heart knew only fear and darkness in the end. Which is why when his eyes shifted from Faith to Qylios, the Rharnian then made a mental note in Her own regard. Atonement would be ever so far out of reach for him, at least for the duration of his endeavors to repay for his sins. When Faith mentioned that murders took place in her reports Pat's heart felt even heavier, dragged deeper into the lingering abyss that would be named remorse for his actions. It was true he'd killed a couple of people, one in cold blood due to his darker nature, and the other just to get in contact with the Shadow Network. It was his way of trying to cement the previous deal they'd made, as well as attempting to win back over the friends he'd lost that Ymiden Trial.
Then after hearing Dom's appeal to Faith in an effort to save Patrick, the Rharnian's very heart finally tore in two at the telling. To have been driven so far as to forcing his own dead brother to such a length, even now Patrick wondered where Dominek had gone since the night of Pat's capture. Even worse Faith was forced to choose between a friend once dear to her, and she had to choose the many at risk over the one in question. To put her in such a situation? That was far beyond the antics of a friend, and far more than a cry for attention on his own behalf. Why? Why did he stoop so low? Why didn't he consider any of this from the start? And of course finally to hear that Pat's actions had hurt Faith sunk in, not that he needed the verbal assurance to realize his own deed. Even now as he dwelt on it, the overwhelming sorrow and pained regret felt on the verge of killing him. Had he actually done what he was supposed to do, then none of this would've ever come to pass. By now he would've likely conquered his own darkness, but instead he remained feeble and faltered to the same cowardice he'd always displayed.
Now however that everything aligned with his thoughts, and Faith's testimony came to it's conclusion, Patrick remained utterly silent as he waited for just a moment. None of the Immortals seemed eager to question anything right away, thus with a heavy reluctance the Rharnian rose out of his chair.
"Ev..." His voice cracked immediately as the emotions inside almost poured out. But after a quick pause and clearing of his throat, Patrick paced the tremors noticeable in his breathing.
"Everything Faith has said... is true." Even now his capacity to admit his wrongdoing failed to justify things, the hopes that all his suffering would ease or even lighten never even appeased in such an act. Those stories where those buried by guilt were cleansed felt like nothing but a lie now, a misgiven hope to remind him of the fact he was utterly and truly vile in every way.
"I... have little to say in regards, because in the end everything is true." He admitted with a weighty shrug of his shoulders, with his eyes downcast in complete shame.
"I joined Faith's cause against Ellasin because..." Patrick recalled the very memory that played such a key role, still unsure of the significant found in the missing piece of that one puzzle.
"Because of whoever Alistair was I'd like to think. I was troubled even then, so it puzzles me that I'd forget someone so important in such a memory. I think..." Ellasin taunted him about power and magic, and Patrick remembered how terrified he'd felt at the time.
"I think he made me a Rupturer? Ellasin wouldn't have been there otherwise, and the meeting ended briefly on a bad note." He could never forget the rage he felt towards her, the innate desire to prove that he was anything
but what she called him.
"But it was Faith I'd vowed to fight for in that war, because she was always there and always a good friend to me." He came to admit finally as he knew Ellasin wasn't the only cause for him to join.
"But I repaid her with treachery instead of kindness..." Which was the reason he'd been brought to trial as of now.
"Which proves how reckless I truly am... Time and time again I've had to make tough calls, often avoiding the thought of consequence once they were made." It was perhaps his most truest quality, the very embodiment to his chaotic nature.
"In the past I'd hope to meet the Shadow Quarter alone, but this was further back within the Arc seven hundred and seventeen. During that Arc in Vhalar things happened..." Was this where he was to answer for all his crimes? He'd faltered for so very long now, it was almost easy to forget when it all began. But the story of his brother and the murder that happened held no place here, at least not to Patrick's knowledge as of now.
"I intended to build an intelligence network that would get me in favor with the Shadow Network, and when I attempted it the arrangement backfired on me. So naturally I ran from that like I did all my other problems, I even left Rharne because I was a newly cursed Sessfiend at the time." Those were the times where his life felt darkest, even now he cringed a couple of times remembering those nights.
"I never came back to Rharne until Qylios finally set me free. Never even thought about the Shadow Network again until last Arc, when I thought they'd have the resources to aid Faith's mission for the war." Ultimately Patrick's tone was filled with a sense of uncertainty, as everything that led up to this moment felt like one waking nightmare.
"I came to realize that they were dangerous after I met them, but I never..." He trailed off in thought for a second, his mind aloof to find the appropriate term.
"ascertained the threat level they posed."
It was then he looked back to Faith before speaking to the Immortals once more.
"But I never had any intent to betray her or her cause. I never wanted to betray anyone honestly..." That much he'd hoped was obvious, which led him to the moment of clarity in the story.
"It wasn't until the meeting on Ymiden the thirteenth, when that came and everyone was briefed on Ellasin's motives..." He sighed heavily as the words proved loftier to admit, because at the end of the day it was the truth; no matter how much he yearned to disregard it.
"Fear got the better of me when I learned what was planned that day. I allowed it to distract me from what's important, all because my cares for everyone else were far more important." Perhaps Dom's story did play a part in this, then again so did the part of his mother, of all the people he'd come to lose over the Arcs.
"Time and death has never been kind, not when you're raised in the streets of the Dust Quarter. I've lost so many people over the Arcs, watched them either die or slip away before me..." It was then his attention shifted back towards Faith, that part of him deep down still pleading for forgiveness bounding forth relentlessly.
"Call it desperation, betrayal, or whatever you see fit. I know what I did was wrong, but it was never meant to be wrong. I went out on my own hoping to gamble on Maxine, because I thought she'd deliver me straight to the problem. But when she turned down the idea of partnership, I knew then I'd made a choice that'd come back to haunt me." And haunt him it did.
His eyes started to redden now as tears forced their way through, the mental armor he'd hoped to wear now failing to contain the storm inside.
"I was terrified by that point because I didn't want to lose everything that mattered to me. Family. Friends. Rharne. Everything was at stake and I felt powerless, driven to do whatever it costed just to prevent it from happening. By the time I'd reached out to the Shadow Network, I knew I was way in over my head." And why wasn't he? He was no spymaster, not like that Carter man Faith counted so dearly on.
"Regardless I still went against everything I stood for, because I wanted to save everything I loved... even if it costed me." Where was that said before? Oh wait, back at the Cathedral of Dreams. He'd sacrificed his innate good nature and with it the light of his soul, a mistake he'd also ignored because of his cowardice.
"Despite my previous failures, I've learned a lot more than I ever thought possible... and I'm ready to face the consequences set before me." He admitted now with somber eyes upon Ilaren, hopeful that his words reached Faith in the way he meant them. He could never express just how sorry he truly was, for all the harm and ill he brought upon her and everyone else. For what it was worth however, he felt a little more ready to face his charges now.
"And I'll face them knowing it's for the ones I still love" At last he said it, the word he could never find it in himself to share. Love and sentiment were the things he'd thought to cast aside, and yet no human could ever truly rule out their rooted feelings. He was by no means a hero in this tragic tale, but a martyr who was ready to face the light of his crimes.
Thus Patrick swallowed hard and took his seat before the Immortals once more.
"Patrick", "Follower", "Ri", "NPC"
