Pathetic.
Weak.
Insignificant. The words were cyclical in her brain, a mantra she had never quite forgotten when they had tried to break her.
Worthless. That was what a slave was. She had so much she wanted to say, but they would never understand. They would never know that it was to be used used, to have no choice. To have someone present to care, to be kind but still
use her. No slave would ever be free. Any kindness was good, because it was better than pain. Clothing was better than being paraded naked. Food was better than starving. A roof over her head was better than rain and snow and cold. Slaves obeyed in the hopes of receiving some basic comfort.
Delta shook her head, as if that would free her of the cycle she was locked in. Her face contorted in a myriad of negative emotions. Only upon seeing the slave had she realised that they were only being kind with ulterior motive. A slave’s life meant nothing. They had been kind to her, and they would be kind to this new slave. Then Delta and the girl would be sent in first: bait. And no one would care. They were replaceable.
But could no longer summon the energy to explain why she had wanted to help the slave; the fight leaving her with every attempt she made. She had been fighting for so long. Now… she was tired. For the first time in her life, she felt her will surrender,
submit, to the whims of those around her. “
I used to be someone…” she finally whispered in a defeated voice.
The knife twisted in her hand as she kneaded it. The warm glow was still there, frighteningly alluring. ‘
Act’, it whispered. She didn’t. Then, her mind was clouded by agony. It started so slowly that she did not realise it; fear sat quietly, unnoticed. Only when it was too late would she realise how much it had eroded her mind. She could not appreciate the origin of her own emotions, let alone new ones that assaulted her from some unknown source. “
St-tstop it…” she whimpered to the air, to whatever invisible force was suffocating her. Both hands were now gripping her head, blade also resting there, pointing diagonally to the sky.
Delta could almost taste the tension in the air - the fear, the mistrust. She flinched, as if burned by the confusing cacophony pouring into her already overwhelmed mental fragility. Everything seemed brighter, louder, more potent. She couldn’t handle it; and that was all it took for the wracked sobs to finally burst the dam of restraint. With a violent twitch, she dropped to her knees, as if her limbs were barely coordinated with the signals coming from her brain.
Why so much fear? She wasn't frightened... was she? Her eyes were squeezed shut as she bent forward, still clutching her head with a fervour that suggested it might explode if she didn’t apply pressure, and the devastated tears fell freely.
It was a constant hammer to the head, a twisting of a knife in her gut. The impulse to run was overwhelming, and only the paralysing hurt kept her from doing so. The forgotten knife pricked at her fingers as she repeatedly dragged them through her scalp, trying to alleviate this unknown trauma. “
Stop.” If she heard Lakia agree with her, or the minstrel try to reason with her, of the guard throw in the towel, or Padraig admit to loving a slave, Delta showed no sign of it.
Numb, yet somehow still in agony, it occurred to her that maybe this was the end. Maybe the golden beam of light had pierced her chest after all; Delta’s mind was starting to fail. Any action would lead to yet more pain. There was no way out. She sobs slowed, not due to rationalising the trauma, but simply because she had nothing left in her. All that remained now were the ragged, uneven breaths. She could not formulate a single thought. A million strands of colours flew across her mind, circling round and round. They all meant something, but she could not distinguish a single one - a blinding tapestry was unravelling into something truly grotesque. Spasms shook her huddled form, so acute were the lacerations of her strands, like a corporeal whip to her core essence. “
It hurts… Make it stop…” the slave whined, her voice cracking. She had never felt so alone, so lost. So… incapable.
And now… without the strength or fortitude to go on, she opened her eyes, and looked up. Before so full of life, a charcoal gaze now stared blankly through the tears, illuminated by the red-rimmed skin. No, her eyes, chasms of emotion that they were, could not be described as dead. But they did not contain the same vibrancy, the same spirit she had had throughout life. Something that was a clear reflection of her vulnerability - the shattering the very fibres of her spirit, her soul. The relentless energies and meticulous attention of psinia had to stripping her down: first of her sanity; and secondly of her resolve; before finally moving on to her freedom. It had ensured that, even though it was no longer a part of her life, she would forever be a slave to the will of another. “
You win…” She breathed out the final admission of defeat, uncaring as to whether or not she was even heard. “
Make it stop.”
Off Topic
I have considered Delta's actions in this post and am aware that repercussions may result in future threads being retconned. I am okay with this, as it felt like the best way to stay true to Delta and the evolution she has undergone during this thread. Please do not worry about how any PC/mod interaction from this point on may affect Delta.