[Uthaldria] Unholy War VII: I'm Prime, for the front line

[Faith Augustin]

10th Ymiden, 719
following: this

Unholy War
From the start of life
To my dying day
In the dark of night
And the burning light of day
It's a Bloody Fight
]But I can't walk away
I'm prime, for the front line

This time, when she woke up, she knew that the autopsy was finished. That was why Padraig was hollow. Faith felt much the same, and, as she sat up she saw that her skin was now mottled and starting to sink. That was disconcerting. She was fairly sure that she didn't like it, this whole being dead business, but she needed to work out what it was that Alistair had said. She was undead? Ellasin... Ellasin was here? Faith sighed slightly, a strange almost - wheeze exiting her as she did. She pulled herself up again, tilting her head as she looked down at the body of her husband. "Why didn't they close you up?" Faith asked.

"I asked them not to." Padraig replied. She'd always know that he was clever, but talking whilst laying hollowed out post-autopsy was really beyond what she might have expected. His eyes were on her, the colour of aged brandy, and she remembered feeling absolute adoration for him. Yet, now, she looked at him with a clinical gaze and no emotions whatsoever. "Why did you ask that?" It seemed like a very silly thing to ask and Padraig was not normally a foolish man.

"I wanted to experiment," he explained and Faith nodded. That made sense. "I'm a thrall, I think," she said and he nodded his head. Faith noted that they'd even taken his brain, but at least the put the skull back on. "I think you are," he replied, looking at her critically. "How does it make you feel?" It was a good, logical and scientific question and Faith considered it. "Stiff. It's hard to move. Cold. Quiet. It's very quiet without my heart or blood." Padraig nodded and she rather wished he wouldn't. "Yes, isn't it?" Faith was about to suggest that they compare notes, that they maybe engage in some collaborative research which they could publish.

Then, though, she felt it. It was like when the ghosts were around her. "I have to go." She was already moving. Ellasin was calling her. She had to go. And she had no choice, because her limbs were moving unbidden. Her dead heart swelled in anticipation at seeing Ellasin. Her creator. Her mother. That was what Ellasin was, Faith knew it suddenly with absolute clarity. Vri had been wrong about Rose, after all; the memories she had of her living-time were wrong and Ellasin was her mother.

It all made perfect sense. She shambled, shuffling and dragging herself along, her broken ankle now twisted at a very unpleasant angle, but Faith did not feel it - it was inconvenient in terms of moving, but it did not cause her any physical pain.

Nothing did. Not any more. Because now she was reborn into the legions of Ellasin's army and soon, once she had met with Mother and been given her orders, told where she was going and what she was doing, then Faith would be ready. Ready to step out into true freedom. Not freedom from slavery, such foolish thoughts were beyond her now - no this was freedom from the cage of her soul, freedom from her feelings, from love and passion.

Freedom from life, and birth into eternity.

[Faith Augustin]

It was so easy - easy to fall into the idea that she was, once again, a slave. That she was not responsible. No fear, no pain, no responsibility. It was easy to fall into and Faith realised that it was more than that. It was - to a very small part of her mind - welcome. It was easy. She could stop thinking, worrying, hurting so much. No matter where she was, no matter what she did - people were going to die in this war and Faith knew that she would know every name for the rest of her life. Like every person she had failed to save in the Docks, whose name she knew, Faith had a deep well of personal responsibility ~ and guilt. She felt so guilty, so much of the time and here, this war, it had already cost so much.

And just for a trill, she found relief in the fact that she no longer had to worry.

It was something which made her understand the lure of necromancy more - why people voluntarily became stonehearts, for example. Because this wasn't just slavery, this was freedom from flesh. Literally, nothing hurt. No pain. There was a lot to be said for that, and Faith understood a little better. Stumbling into the room, there was Ellasin and Faith looked at her with eyes which were quickly losing colour and becoming cloudy. How would she see, she wondered, when her eyes had sunk in? Maybe she wouldn't and that was ok. Of course, that wasn't what usually happened with undead, the necromancer was able to keep them at a certain point of decay. Why, Faith wondered, wasn't Mother doing that with her? It didn't matter, she supposed.

"Because," Ellasin said and Faith looked at her in some surprise. But then, of course, she thought about it. Of course Mother knew what she was thinking. She always did. "we have something very specific to do, you and I." Faith nodded. Of course they did. They had a job. Something that they had to do. She couldn't remember, though, quite what it was. There was something, and she knew it, but she couldn't remember it.

Ellasin stepped to one side and she gestured. Faith saw that Mother was pointing her to a mirror and so Faith dragged her foot behind her. Ellasin watched, observing how the Zuuda moved, the expression on Faith's face. All of it. It seemed to Faith that every aspect of her was of interest to Ellasin. "You're shorter than I thought you'd be," the Lich said and Faith's milky eyes lifted. "I am." It wasn't a question - it was a statement. She usually was, people were often surprised at her height. Her body moved, unbidden by herself, until she had stood in front of the mirror. Immortals, but she looked dead, Faith thought and then lifted her eyes to gaze at the reflection of the woman who had killed Qit.

"What happens now?" Faith asked and Ellasin lifted a hand to stroke Faith's hair. "I'm glad you asked." Her voice was soft and gentle, and so very reassuring. Faith was pleased about that, as she was feeling somewhat unnerved. "Now," Ellasin said, with a smile. "Now, you become truly, and completely, free."

And there, in the trap inside her mind, Faith became Ellasin.

[Faith Augustin]

Looking in the mirror, Faith saw that she was, now, Ellasin. She felt ths Spark on her soul and she understood, finally, The power in this Spark was immense, it was drawing her, pushing her. She commanded armies, and she was beyond mortal comprehension. Those who fought her would fall before her, and then, they too would serve. She breathed in and she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face merged with Ellasin's and she realised that she did not know who she looked like. She was no longer Faith, Faith no longer existed. Such foolishness, to consider it. She was Ellasin now - she had been subsumed by her fear, the darkest fears of her soul. That she would become the woman she fought against. That she, like Ellasin, would cause death and pain and do it all for personal gain. Faith knew that there was nothing else that she could do but accept the inevitable truth - she was Ellasin and now, she would continue to be, growing in power and, finally, being honest about how much death she caused.

About how many people were hurt because of her, and her choices.

Trapped in the deepest fears of her mind, Faith saw, then, all the reasons why this was inevitable. Each one played out in the mirror in front of her in full, clear, glorious - and somehow painless - detail. Sending Nir'wei and not thinking to talk it through with him, the way that she had not helped Aeon, how she had stood and let Padraig attack Lisirra.. how, when Tristan had asked her if she wanted to be free, she said yes. And, of course, how being owned by him had come about from her having desires to learn the very first time that Jamal had let her out.

Jamal.

There he was, stepping out of the mirror, becoming real. He moved around her, walking in a circle as he inspected her - something he had done so many times. He stopped in front of her and his frown deepened. "You let them all down, because you forgot who you are, little bird." His unforgiving gaze glared at her and Faith breathed in. This man, this man terrified her and she felt herself automatically pull back her shoulders. She needed to... but them he continued to speak. "You serve. You serve Famula, you were born to. You have no rights, no thoughts or wishes, no emotions, slave-girl. You serve."

"No," Faith said and it was just her speaking. "No, that's not true. I serve. I choose to serve. I think about how to serve, I wish to serve." She turned to look at Jamal then and her silver eyes gazed on him without confusion. Simple. Clear. She knew herself. "I serve by my choice. That is why she marked me. And she marked me because I am hers. Not yours. Not any more. And not .. not Ellasin." She felt the tendrils of control start to writhe and change, weakening as she asserted her will. "I am Famula's. Not yours. I am Faith Augustin, and I am Famula's.. I am."

And suddenly, Faith realised that she was standing - very much alive and very much in her own body, in front of a mirror. Even just a glance at that mirror started to pull her into the feeling of her fears; failure, death, being or becoming the very thing she fought against. Dragging her eyes away she saw the skeletons around her and she recognised what this was. She was hungry, more than hungry and thirsty too. Next to her stood Alissa and Faith tried to shake her friend out of it, but nothing worked.

So, Faith shrugged off her cardigan, wrapped it around her hand and punched the mirror as hard as she could. As it shattered, Alissa gasped and started to sob.

[Nursia]

Have to admit, I'm really digging the direction you're going with this. It started off as macabre, and now it's becoming something of a hellscape for Faith. Her resolve is being tested, constant analogues to her enslavement history and her current power. It gives the feeling that she's in shambles, physically and mentally, but also in possession of the denial of her fate. Seeing friends being husked, seeing yourself a hollow shell of what you once were.

I hope you enjoy your rewards as much as I enjoyed this particular thread.
Faith

Rewards

Knowledges:
Discipline: Remembering who you are.
Discipline: Seeing the big picture
Strength: Punching a mirror.
Wealth:
None requested.
Renown:
None requested.
EXP:
+10

Feedback

Understand that all criticisms are done in good faith. It would be a greater disrespect to not say anything in the face of problems. Please contact me through this account's inbox if you wish to further communicate on the matter of improvement, or if you feel as though anything is unduly harsh.

Player #2

Rewards

Knowledges:
Wealth:
Renown:
EXP:

Feedback

Understand that all criticisms are done in good faith. It would be a greater disrespect to not say anything in the face of problems. Please contact me through this account's inbox if you wish to further communicate on the matter of improvement, or if you feel as though anything is unduly harsh.

wc: 1834