• Mature • [Order of the Adunih] Nobody understands another's sorrow

[Faith Augustin]

24th Saun, 717

"Nobody understands another's sorrow,
and nobody another's joy"

Even for her, this was the worst part of the job. Faith had long since got to the point where she could try to save a life whilst not noticing that the woman she was working on was young, in her twenties. The storms of the previous trials had led to a number of casualties and fatalities and this woman had been one of those who was injured. Lightning had struck a tree and she had been injured when the tree fell. Faith had not been home in breaks, had not moved from the woman's side because the extent of her injuries were so great. Faith knew that she was the best medic they had here, but she also knew that she was losing the woman. She prayed to Vri as she worked on her, breathing into her and trying to help her breathe, just breathe but the damage was too much.

Faith lowered her head and dedicated the next moments, the final breaths the woman would take and the last beats of her heart to Vri, that he might come and that she would cross over with him. As the patient's chest shuddered for a final time, Faith had already begun to wipe her hands. Death did not perturb her, not in the way that it did for many who were not medics or devotees of the Immortals Faith was. Death was a part of life and, as such, she walked with death every trial.

However, for all that she was used to this, as her fingers moved and gently closed the woman's eyes Faith had a compassionate look on her face and a feeling of tired sadness for the life which no longer was. There would need to be a discussion and now, someone would have to go and tell the family. She looked at Galena and she smiled a tired smile. "I'll go and speak to him."

"Are you sure?" Galena, her mentor and friend at the Order of the Adunih asked. "He's much the same age as Padraig and he has a newborn baby of just a few ten-trials old." Faith considered if for a few trill and then nodded.

"It's my job. I know you're worried about me and my ability to cope," she said, referring to the pregnancy which was not yet showing. Galena was the only person outside of their family who knew and that was only because she was Faith's doctor. "But it's my duty. I'll take care of her, of him. It's how it should be." Galena sighed slightly but she acquiesced. Faith was a determined and feisty individual and Galena knew that, once the young woman had made her mind up, she wasn't shifting her. "We'll get her ready, then I'll wash myself up and go speak to him." No matter how many times she did it, Faith hated this part.

It was doing Vri's work, she knew, as much as caring for the body of the woman was the work in dedication to Vri and Famula, but still for her it was the tangible nature of sorrow. Moreso since she had been marked by Vri, she knew, Faith understood and felt the sorrow which came from love and loss. So, when Galena told her that the woman's husband was sleeping, him and their baby both, Faith nodded and turned her attention to the woman who was, if Faith understood it all correctly, about to be offered to cross over by Vri. If she refused then Famula would take her and offer her a second chance; at that point, Faith would see her. At the moment, what she saw was a soul slowly leaving the body in which it had resided.

[Faith Augustin]

The act and ritual of anointing the dead was one which she had practiced for a long time. When Jamal had owned her he had been unending in his demands that she should be the best undertaker that she could be. He had trained her and in many ways Faith considered that he had been even more merciless than the owners in Athart. If there was one thing which Faith was actually fairly confident in, it was her ability to take care of the bodies of the dead. So, once she had washed and ensured that the blood was cleaned from her, she turned her attention to the woman.

Now that she allowed herself to look at the person, Faith realised just how young she was. She sighed, a soft exhalation of breath which told of how she felt. "I'm so sorry this happened to you," Faith spoke in a normal tone which, for her was quiet anyway. "I have faith that where you are now, there is no more pain or fear. I'm going to clean you up, because your family are going to want to come and see you." Lifting up the soft bristled brush she coated it with the oils which they used. This would give the hair a shine, would make it look clean and had a subtle fragrance to it. As she brushed the hair back, Faith tied it and thus, left the woman's face more accessible to being washed and cleaned.

"In Vri's name, with Famula's blessing, go into the next space." Faith whispered the prayer. Somehow, it was different for each person and always had been - yet she always knew it. It wasn't something which she considered or thought on a lot, she prayed that which was appropriate. As she prepared the body of the woman who two trials before had been playing with her child, laughing and clapping her hands in delight, Faith intoned the prayer.

"Vri hold you in his arms, safe and warm,
even as your physical body will move no more in this world.
May your soul lift to Vri's embrace,
may you feel the warmth of his care."

The cleaning of the body itself was a slow and careful process where she had to pay meticulous and careful attention to detail. It was important that she attended to each aspect, because blood on the hands, under the fingernails, behind the ear, anywhere could be noticed by the family and that would upset them. Faith was washing the woman's hands when Galena came in. Looking up, Faith saw the look on Galena's face. Her mentor looked stricken as she spoke. "He's awake, Faith. He woke up, as far as I can tell, as she died. He's.. ", Faith looked at Galena with an earnest expression and she tried to motion to the man standing behind her. The husband Galena was speaking of had followed her here and was standing in obvious shock behind the head of the Order of the Adunih in Scalvoris, who continued to speak. "He's broken, but all he can think of is that baby. Such a beautiful little thing she is, too." Galena was standing a few steps inside the room and so she was unaware of what Faith saw, but the husband could hold back his grief no more and a gulping sob came from behind the white cloaked woman, who turned in surprise at the sight of him.

Faith moved forward, "Sir, I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but let us take care of her now. She wouldn't want you to see her like this, I'm going to clean her up, alright?" The man turned to her, the infant in his arms fast asleep. Faith nearly took a step backwards, the child was not born more than twenty trials, she was sure. Still, she had to try and get him out of here. The husband, though, had other ideas and he stepped forward. Faith tried to stop him but short of being physically violent with him, she really couldn't.

So, she walked next to him, her hand on his arm. "There was a lot of damage, she fought and fought more." It was true the woman had been very resilient and had fought doggedly for each breath. The husband, whose name Faith did not know had tears pouring down his face and his expression told of grief beyond even what they were used to seeing. He moved over to the woman and the two healers moved with him. As he looked down at the face of the woman he loved, the husband crumpled, his knees giving way beneath him. Galena moved, taking the baby from his arms as he more or less collapsed over the body of his wife.

Faith watched, helplessness filling her as she placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer him comfort. He sobbed uncontrollably and then he looked up at her. "Did you do everything for her? My Hannah, did you do every.. everything? Tell me." He was begging her, she knew, to know this because it was important to him and Faith nodded her head and opened her mouth to answer. To tell him yes, she had done absolutely everything in her power.

But the words stuck in her throat.

There was no doubt, Faith knew, that she had done everything that she could to stop Hannah from dying but there was smething, even now, that could be done. The man looked at her and Galena spoke, sensing the anger building in him. "Mitchell, this is Faith. She's our best. She's done everything for Hannah that could be done and.."

"You tell me!" Mitch looked at Faith and he shook his head. "There's something else. There was something else you could have done. Why? What went wrong?" Faith felt what little colour she had in her face drain from her and she tried to answer him, but the sobs of the man synchronised with the cries of the infant who had woken to the sound of her father shouting and Faith looked, helplessly, momentarily struck silent by the sheer force of grief he was exhibiting.

[Faith Augustin]

Galena tried to soothe the baby, but the infant continued to wail. The white cloak glanced between Faith and the husband, Mitch and she nodded. "I'm going to take this little girl out, alright?" Mitch lifted his tear-stained face and he shook his head, determination giving the movement more of an angry appearance. Instead of arguing, he lifted himself up on his knees and took his daughter back into his arms. She quietened into gurgles as her father subconsciously rocked her, looking at Faith.
"You look me in the eyes, holding my daughter, our daughter and you tell me what you did wrong. You tell me!" The anger and pain which poured out of him were palpable, but Faith understood that they were not those things. They were grief, they were sorrow and that was Vri's domain. She understood this man in a way which went beyond sympathy or empathy and Faith found her voice as she spoke.

"I did everything. Everything that could be done then. I couldn't stop her dying, I promise you." As the words left her, there was no doubting their truth, but every syllable stung her, hurt her. Because there, as she said them, he began to sob anew. Whilst it was true, it was a cruel truth and Faith hated to be the bearer of it. Sometimes, things just happened and dreadful accidents occurred. Sometimes, when those dreadful accidents occurred, good people got hurt and sometimes, at the very worst of times, those good people could not be saved and so they died.

It was as cruel a truth as any. Maybe it was the most cruel of all but it still was

"No. No, there was something, I saw it. Please, there was something," he was bordering on hysteria, half laying over her and holding their child who slept soundly in her father's arms. Raising his eyes to look at her, Faith felt the impact of his gaze in the pit of her stomach. He looked like Padraig had, the morning after they had lost Rose. Padraig had, briefly, allowed himself to give in to the grief he felt and in that moment, in Rharne, Faith would have done anything to take that pain from him.

Vri had stood next to her and told her that she had to let Rose go, some months later and as Mitch spoke, his words rained on her perfect memory like blows. "Don't you tell me that all I can do is let her go. Don't you tell me. There must be some.. something. Please?" He wasn't angry, he was broken and in more pain than he could even comprehend. His hand reached out to grab at Faith and she made no move to stop him. "Please? It's not ... it's not fair." Then, he lowered his head and sobbed over the body, the baby in his arms sleeping.

"There might be something I can do now," Faith said and both Mitch and Galena looked at her with shocked expressions on their faces.

[Faith Augustin]

It was too much. The sorrow the man felt, the pain and grief which literally poured out of him was overwhelming and Faith knew that she had to do something, she had to help him. When she was a doctor, a medic then she held at bay the death which Vri and Famula held in their domains. It was her job, she believed, to ensure that death and sorrow happened only where it must and to try to negate wherever she could. It was her job to make sure that as few souls as were necessary went to Vri and Famula and here, she had a chance. The grief and sorrow which poured from Mitch could be mitigated, the death could be reversed. Even as his eyes widened, in response to what Faith said, she felt doubt and uncertainty gnaw at her.

Could she, should she do that? Did she have the right to make that choice?

"What? What do you mean? Please, please what?" He was close to babbling now, begging and incoherent. The tears which fell down his cheeks poured unheeded and in the darkest depths of his despair, Faith saw a sudden gleam of hope in his eyes. Not comprehending her, not understanding but daring to hope. "What.. she's dead."

"I am blessed by Vri, Famula and Moseke. I might be able to bring her back. I.. there are no guarantees." There were none, but equally, Faith knew that this was exactly what this ability was for. Sudden injury, overwhelming and leading to death. The light in Mitch's eyes had returned and he looked at her torn between thinking that he dared to hope and that she was a mad woman. Or worse than all of that, that she was the cruelest jester, tormenting him. "I'm going to try. I need you to just be quiet and let me work."

He backed off at speed, nodding his head and holding his child in his arms. He did not speak, just watched with an incredulous, wide eyed hope in eyes which Faith had to not look at. If she looked at it, if she looked at him she would be lost.

[Faith Augustin]

"Faith," Galena spoke and her voice was concerned and stern at the same time. Faith looked at her mentor and she saw all the questions, all the worry which Galena felt. It wasn't something Faith had discussed with Galena and the older woman looked at her young Order member with worry.
"I have to," Faith said, determination setting her jaw. "If it doesn't work then he needs to be able to look at that baby when she's an adult and say, 'they did everything they could for her. They even tried to bring her back.' That's the right thing, isn't it?" Galena looked on in resignation and, it had to be said, some fascination.

Now that she knew neither of them would stop her, Faith lowered her head and put her hands on Hannah's shoulders. Her prayer was first to Vri, that if he had not yet taken this soul, he released her back into the mortal world and then to Famula. First, Faith gave thanks for the ability she had been granted and then she used it. Faith concentrated, a frown creasing her forehead and then, Hannah breathed in a gulp of air as Faith stepped back and let out a shuddering out breath. Hannah's eyes fluttered open and she sat up on the table, her gaze confused and then she saw him. "Mitch?" Hannah asked and the man just sobbed.

As he moved to her and the couple embraced, Faith and Galena left them alone, Galena's arm around the young human woman; Faith was grateful that Galena had done that, held her up. Galena, on the other hand, was amazed that Faith had stayed standing, she was trembling so hard.
It was a break or two later that Mitch had asked to see her and so Faith was sitting in her office in the Order, with Mitch sitting across from her. She was cradling a cup of herbal tea. He had a mug of steaming hot tea, too, and she looked at him with a smile. She was exhausted and still shaking slightly, Galena had insisted on a full check up for her, but had declared that she was fine, just in some sort of strange shock. "There is nothing you need to do for me. It is my job and my pleasure and privilege to do all I can."
"But she was dead," Mitch said and Faith nodded.
"Vri had not yet taken her soul. Famula granted me the ability to bring her back, as long as that condition was met." Faith explained. "If Vri had taken her, then I could not have done it. Famula would not have allowed it, because it is against the natural order." Putting down her cup, Faith clasped her hands together and she looked down at them. "If you had not asked me to tell you that I had done everything, I wouldn't have thought about it. Thank you."

Mitch looked at her and a bark of near-hysterical laughter left him. "You're thanking me? I've got my wife back, my daughter has a mother because of you. Thank you." His laughter subsided and he once again started to cry. "I can't imagine... I couldn't, not without her. How do I ever thank you? I couldn't do it without her."
"You could," Faith said with a firmness which she felt entirely. "You could because, if it had happened, you would have had to. How you can thank me is to thank Famula and Vri and Moseke every trial. Live your life in happiness and do everything you can to make sure that others do. Help people avoid sorrow if it is within your power and I will be more grateful than I can tell you."

He put down the cup and stood, moving across to her with a smile. The man who had been yelling and sobbing and who had gone through hell in the last few hours wrapped her in a hug and Faith let out a slight squeak of surprise. "I'll do those things," he said with a smile. "I promise you, Faith, I will. But I'll give thanks for you every trial too." Faith was pleased, more pleased than she could say and she very much hoped that the very awkward pat on his back which she responded with was enough.

[Faith Augustin]

25th Saun, 717

"Nobody understands another's sorrow,
and nobody another's joy"

"I don't know how to do it better," as she locked the door behind her, Faith slowly slid down it and allowed the tears to flow. Sitting on the floor of her office where, just yestertrial, Mitch had hugged her and she had returned that hug with some awkward but heartfelt back patting, Faith pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, burying her head and sobbing quietly. Not for long, of course, for the disciplined young woman soon got herself back in command of her feelings. As the emotions started to come under her control, Faith stood and moved over to her desk.She sat down and put her elbows on the desk, then lowered her head into her hands.

"He was so hurt, in so much pain. The sorrow that he felt, it was something I could make better. I could heal it." It was Vri that the devout young woman spoke to. "But how could I know? How do I make that call?" Having used the ability the trial before, she could not use it again this cycle and so, when the couple had brought in their child, Faith could do nothing.

"He was six. If I had but known, how do I choose?" The responsibility which she felt weighing down on her was like a physical sensation, heavy and hot in the pit of her stomach. It held her there, pinned her to the chair and forced her to look at her actions. Compelled to consider what she had done and what it had cost this trial, Faith realised that she really didn't know what the right action was. She didn't know what she should have done, but she knew that she must consider it.

"Lord Vri, I did what I did yesterday to mitigate the sorrow of that man and that child. It worked, but at the price of the parents to-trial." The parents in question had brought in their six arc old son and it had already been too late. Galena had called for Faith, thinking that she could do again what she had done before, but she could not.

"My actions had consequences. For the people to-trial and yestertrial. How do I live with those? How do I do this?" This, Faith realised, was the responsibility she had. Not just who to use the abilities she had on, but the realisation that, once she had used them, she closed off the option of using them for the rest of the Cycle. "If I was faced with that boy and that woman and I could treat only one of them, I'd have treated him. He had his whole life ahead of him. But I was treating the grief of the families, wasn't I? A trial apart, that's what I did."

This, she realised, as she spoke to Vri in prayer, was not something she had considered. "I have to think about this. I want to take their sorrow, want to help them, but I have to consider what the consequences of that are. This is a lesson, Lord Vri, and I thank you for it." Faith lifted her head and she looked at the door, not seeing it but unfocused as she saw in front of her the sobbing mother of the boy. If she had waited and not resurrected Hannah, then she could have done something totrial.

"The consequences of my actions yestertrial mean that totrial I had no other option to give. So totrial, I see their pain and their sorrow and I feel it like a force, I feel responsible because I could have changed it." Maybe, of course. It was always maybe. It wasn't her fault that the child had died, he had been dead when they brought him. But it was a consequence of her actions that she could do nothing about it and so, Faith considered that she had to look at this. To examine and reflect upon it. Her need and desire to take sorrow from one family meant that she could not take it from another and that was a lesson she had to learn.

"Thank you for the lesson, Lord Vri. It is not one I had considered and I will do so. Unto my final breath, and beyond." The earnest follow of Vri, Famula and Moseke prayed and sat back in her chair, wiped the tears from her face and then went to give lay out the child she couldn't bring back because the trial before she had brought back a wife and mother.

[Pash Raj'oriq]

Thread Rewards

Faith

Overview

Baahhhhhh, I read this as you were posting it and it’s so stressful and sad. Faith somehow manages to be that oasis of calm and understated kindness, even in the face of unfiltered grief, but at the same time, it’s kind of nice to see that she does have her moments of breakdown. I don’t mean that in a cruel way, of course, but she’s got feelings, too, and it's refreshing to read her dealing with them in a very raw, human way.

Points

XP:
10 | These points cannot be used for magic.

Fame:
Raising the dead +10 (I mean, honestly, who does that? No one. Except for Faith. I feel like that would be the talk of the trial … the season? I think the downfall of this is you’re now going to get everyone who knows asking Faith to do it again. Time to set some clear boundaries.)

Loot

N/A

Knowledge

Skill Knowledge
Caregiving: Breaking the news of death
Caregiving: Helping people deal with grief
Cosmetology: Preparation of the dead
Cosmetology: Oils in hair
Psychology: Actions have unforeseen consequences.
Psychology: Dealing with the consequences of your own actions.

Non-Skill Knowledge
Zuuda Ability:Turn Back Death: Exhausting
Zuuda Ability: Turn Back Death: Can not be repeated that Cycle

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