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40th Saun, 716
Contentment
That was it, she had realised, later, as she cooked their breakfast; she was content. As she put the poached eggs on to Master's plate and realised that putting some vinegar in the water did help them to hold a more round and even shape, the girl reached for the warm bread which she had lightly toasted with a smile as the realisation of contentment hit her. It was a strange feeling for the young slave and it was mixed up in a variety of others. She was confused by her feelings for Malcolm, her experiences with Lady Elyna were completely a whirlwind to her and she had a gnawing sense of guilt that if only she had done more, or quicker or better somehow, then the war might not have happened or, at the very least, maybe less people would have died or been injured. Maybe if she had recognised the King sooner, or if she had killed Velijorn and then stood and surrendered or something.
Or anything, really, she considered. She had been there, right in that tent and she had run. She would never know if she'd have been able to make a difference but by Famula, Faith wondered it a lot. The earnest young slave never really considered just how much of a difference she had made, what she had done she had done because Master had given her clear instruction, but what she had failed to do was her own. There was a definite contradiction there, but whilst she was aware of it, she could not do anything to shift it. It floated around her head and bounced like bubbles popping in her thoughts and so she considered what she could do to try and start thinking properly.
She kept coming back to one thing. To one place. To one person in fact. Jamal. Master and Paladin and all the people that she had met, they knew of Jamal and many of them had very negative opinions of him but Faith understood him and she believed that he understood her, more than almost anyone. When he had owned her he had constantly questioned her, demanding that she considered her answers, looked deep into her own ideas and then probed further and further. It was part of his job, he had told her once, to make sure that her training was complete and that she was truly a slave in the very core of her being.
There it was.
It was that, that moment which terrified her. Because when she thought of that, when she considered what it was to be a slave to her core, Faith recognised that she had doubts. Jamal had told her she might, but he had told her that they would pass ~ at first she had experienced none at all but then there was the war. From the moment that she had woken Master from his bed to the time that she and Lady Elyna had returned home and Master had told her that she had been braver than a free woman would be, Faith had felt doubts starting to chew at her. They scared her, in truth and as she had lain in Master's arms that morning, long after he had awoken and with the sheets tangled around them as their breathing returned to normal and she simply felt the feeling of his arms around her, his heart beating loudly in her ear and their skin contacting, she realised that she was wondering.
Could it be more? She didn't know, in truth, and she didn't know that she wanted to find out but that she had asked the question was unusual in the extreme for her. Could she ever lay in a man's arms, not because he owned her body but because he held her heart? She knew that Master would tell her that she was free to love who she wanted but, to Faith, love was loyalty, devotion and commitment and so she was not free to love. Because she was not free. If she loved another and Master desired her, then her loyalty must be to Master.
She was not free to love. Not like Malcolm had told her to.
So, she went to seek out the man who had told her this would happen in the hope that he would tell her that it was normal, that all was how it had always been. Her footsteps took her to the streets that she knew so well and there, as she rounded the corner and caught her first glimpse of it, Faith's footsteps faltered as she saw the shop.
"What in Famula's name?" she whispered, fear stealing her voice.

