Kaelrik's Letters

[Kaelrik]

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[Alistair]

39th of Ashan, Arc 719

My Havendal, Kaelrik Arenir,

I have seen that you have gone to the Isle of Kephallonia to aid in my conquest. For this, you have my utmost gratitude, and my fond appreciation. I must tell you of something, however, that will likely not be received very well. Our last meeting, on the thirty sixth of Ashan, was a beautiful one and I am glad that you have decided to be free. And I stand by all of what I said, Kaelrik. All of it and more.

There is much more that should be said, and shall be once we reunite. But I must inform you of an underlying truth that shifted the course of that meeting altogether.

Two trials before we last met, Fridgar and I broke apart. We have undergone an informal divorce, and are no longer together. Until this trial, I have been in a state of denial; a form of psychosis that has prevented me from acknowledging this truth. I wished to lie to myself and claim for my own serenity that he and I remained together. That he and I would never, ever once be apart, no matter what.

But this was not true. And the source of our separation was polygamy; the perceived inability that I might love more than one man strongly enough that they might feel content. Unable to reconcile our shared union, Fridgar stepped away and... maybe for good.

With this in mind, I cannot reconcile what I have lost. I cannot accept this divorce with a steady breath, and I cannot claim to speak with a clear mind. Still, the reality of now and the reality of back then - when he and I first married in Gauthrel - are fading into one another. I never thought we would separate, and...

I only need time to think. Perhaps when I have thought longer, and I have truly understood all the things I've done wrong to lead into this fracturing, we can speak further of our own union. For now... I'm sorry, Kaelrik, but friendship is all that I can offer you in the moment. I am not a whole man any longer, and I don't know when I shall be one again - if ever.

I still love you. As a companion, a Kindal, a brother and as a man to another. I still crave your kiss. But I cannot marry you, right now, only to lose you or Zarik. I can suffer no further loss.

Finally, I'm sorry to be sending this as a letter. Right now, I am a cowardly man. I cannot face you to say these words in person. In fact, I cannot face anyone for the moment. I wish to be on my own, in Helice, conquering cities and making men chant my name. It is a divergence from the shame I bear at home.

Yours Truly,
Alistair Nathaniel Venora, Lord of Koros and Wayfinder of the Travelers