Perhaps it would be for the best, to forget. To become anew, with time scars fade and memories dull, the young age as innocence turns to cynicism and the flames of passion are banked into simmering coals. Perhaps it would be for the best to give up.
Letting life do as it wanted the girl had watched time move. Many things had happened. Friends had been made and lost allies had moved forward and enemies faded into obscurity. To be known was a curse, reputation bred expectation, and expectation gives birth to disappointment. She’d never though herself to be something like what she’d tried to become. In a few shining moments the girl had met immortals danced along the flames of battle, killed and nearly been killed.
She’d been in the right place at the wrong time, her ideal had carried her farther than reality should have ever allowed. That was how she’d learned a valuable lesson. When one flies to close to the sun… they’ll be burned.
Not that she regretted her decisions. If she’d been given the chance to do it all over again, she didn’t think she’d have changed a thing. She’d met an immortal, several in fact. She experienced power, and pain, and had been changed, and perhaps changed others. However, to what end, she no longer knew. What was the point of it all?
That really was the question, she had learned many things, but had done nothing with what she’d gained. If she didn’t change who she was, she was bound to repeat the process, to be pulled along on the strings of fate. She needed to forge her soul anew.
Etzos… it was for the moment… home. Though why she’d come to etzos she didn’t know anymore. Time had lost meaning to her in her travels her days consumed by idle dreams and wonder of the world as she tried to piece herself together from her scattered goals and passions. She had no goals of her own, she’d thought at one time perhaps. That pleasing others would give her joy, through dance and merriment she’d vicariously siphon the passion from those she met. A vampire that lived off the emotions of others. That was why she’d fallen for Xiur, he’d filled her with emotion, with hope. That was his power, she’d come to understand that, it was not her hope but his own that she felt she’d embodied, what did she have to be hopeful for after all.
Moping around can only last so long though. Perhaps if she could no longer enjoy being herself, or find passion in her life, then it was best to begin anew and change, else fading into the abyss of nothingness the hell of one’s own mind.
But what was it that Defined her the girl wondered. She was a dancer, that had always been her goal and passion, dancing and playing along with the minstrels and bards. But such joys were fleeting. They brought nothing new into the world, once seen and then eternally forgotten. There was nothing permanent to the girls life. She’d left her family and farm, a legacy of hard work with feet planted in the soil. She’d left towns she’d called home on a whim, and everywhere she’d been, had nothing to remember her by when she was gone.
Thus she knew what she needed to change.
It wasn’t easy. But if her outward appearance was what defined her, then that was what had to go. Flashy garments were nice, but like sugar passed sweetly through the mouth to bloat and rot the body. Long flowing hair and makeup that made one’s lips glisten like rubies. Excess’s that served no purpose. It had taken long to culminate her appearance her persona of an artist and performer.
Perhaps it was a bad idea, she was breathing on the coals of her own heart and creating angry flame, she knew that she’d regret it, but she didn’t feel that the regret would be strong enough to dissuade her from moving forward.
Cutting her hair had been painful, where once locks of hair had hung to her lower back, no longer was a single strand to be seen, the razor scoured her scalp clean leaving naught but pale flesh that had not often seen the sun, now naked to the air. She didn’t know how long she’d cried for when she produced the mirror that reflected her now alien countenance. Though perhaps for what she’d lost, something was gained. Her eyes looked clearer now. As if they could see further than they had in a long while.
Then came the clothing. It wasn’t hard to find what she wanted, she was sure that beggars of wealthier cities would call what she wanted plain. Simple linen undergarments would replace flashy colored lingerie, and silken dresses, would bow before brown Jute robes and breeches. At last, an image years in the making was washed away in a day.
Lastly she needed to find direction, she knew she wanted to ;earn more about Xiur, even in a lawless city that hated the deities she’d not lost her.. odd connection the the immortal, he still haunted her dreams, and she still felt indebted to him. But through that she needed a occupation, she no longer could be a dancer or entertainer. Nor did she have any skills she believed would make her worthy of another trade. But perhaps that was the point. She’d burn herself to ashes, and if she needed to start from Ashes she would.
Making her way to the The Office of the Citizen's Committee she sighed, she could feel her hands shaking as she took hold of the door. She was going to begin anew here in Etzos, the first real step forward she’d taken in a long, looooong time. It was scary to leave behind complacency. But hopefully it was going to be fore the best.
When she entered the room labeled employment the girl looked over the wizened old man and wondered if she was making a mistake as his eyes scrutinized her, but it was already too late now, she couldn’t back out after going this far.
"If you could give me a basic idea of what skills you could offer this city, I have no doubt I can find you a place where they can be put to gainful use. So, what sort of employment are you hoping to find?"
“I-i… I’m afraid I don’t know… I don’t have a trade… anymore… But I’m willing to do any sort of work, I don’t really do well with people, but I’m good with my hands… and I’m a fast learner. I don’t mind traveling and I’m pretty good at finding my way… I apologize for the… inconvenience, But as long as I don’t have to see more violence. I’m happy to pursue any line of work.”
Bowing deeply the shaved headed girl in the second hand Jute robes. She hoped that the man would see some use in her, so purpose to give her so that she could again find passion in life.