• Closed • Skeletons in the Closet. [Eddrick]

A blistering desert that stretches for hundreds of miles around Nashaki, with very little relief from the baking heat.
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Kaladis Anar
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Skeletons in the Closet. [Eddrick]

F
astening his gloves tighter to spare his hands from splinters, he tied the strings of the first full rucksack, placing it to the side. Nodding as the stranger recounted the battle and the following events. Kaladis had not yet recognized the name or the caves, names were something he was keeping in mind for later. What grabbed him the most, was learning of the power to see his destiny, because that was too good to pass up, the way his eyebrows raised and fell might betray his interest. If one knew of fate, he could shape it and his life to his benefit. In this he was unable to hide the eager smile which crossed his face, retracting the waterskin if the stranger had finished taking his fill, and assuming he returned it freely.

Wiping the sweat from his blue brow while he worked loading up the sacks, it was hard enough to resist drinking himself, learning to ration water carefully. The stranger spoke of how the undead hordes navigated, replaced by something else, so that was the key, replacing their focus. Kaladis tapped a finger to his cheek in thought, he resolved to seek Ralari’s council on what exactly could attract the undead over distance, sound, smell, noise, or the living, what would be most potent?

Snapped out of his machinations by the stranger's decisive question. Why would he sell to bandits? “Coin,” Kaladis said practically. Coin bought a temporary power and stability, a welcome measure of safety right now. Wondering how much to reveal to solidify the deal here. “My employer allows me to find contracts outside of the city, for our mutual gain.” This was a stretch of the truth, his employer was not able to sell his work at all, but there was no need to weaken his bargaining position letting the buyer know that, if he could avoid it.

Thankfully he didn’t need that drink after all, feeling the draft from the cold sands outside, the temperature was dropping as was common in this season. He lit another of the tunnel’s dry dung torches with one already burning, offering a measure of warmth more, but not much.

Bringing the flame closer to them both, “I have given you my name, and asked for none in return.” Kaladis reminded him, to try to offset his suspicions further. “Our meeting is chance, and we can both benefit.” It was unlikely he could have engineered their meeting as setup, or the stranger for that matter. “Knowing our ore would reach the city in one piece,” placing the flame down, he finished putting his mined ore in a second of the rucksacks, “while who knows what dangers await other, less informed caravans out in the desert.” Not only could Kaladis offer weapons, but also the locations of some of the routes other smiths would be taking, competing smiths. He didn’t come out and say this directly, but they might negotiate a finder’s fee for each if the raider was interested.

“Profitable Information, Warning about hazards, horse shoes, arrows, better quality steel and more if we can obtain the materials. Each for a fair price.” The Eidisi looked again at the stranger to see if he could decipher whether the offer was taken well. “We have a deal?” A dusty hand was rubbed on his leg, and then extended. The terms and pricing could be negotiated as they liked.

All that waited to be seen is if they would both walk away better off.

~
word count: 600
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NPCs: Ralari - Alaya| Themes: Social - Dreams - Nightmares
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Eddrick Brodon
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Skeletons in the Closet. [Eddrick]

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The answer brought just a slight rise of surprised eyebrows from the bandit. H'ed honestly been expecting some rationalizing about cultural hypocrisies; some sad tale of exploitation by the upper classes leaving his family in poverty. Or maybe something of a more global bend, citing some way in which diplomatic necessities had stricken them down.

The far more likely and down-to-earth answer, 'coin', took Eddrick somewhat by surprise. It was certainly true that wealth would be a motivating factor, and one that he could pretty much guarantee. The eidisi's reference to 'less informed' caravans, brought a grin of accord. Profit was not only to be measured in actual gain, but in reduction of loss as well. It was not unreasonable to give a caravan a pass now and then, in order to serve the interests of a partner. He'd certainly made such arrangements before.

But there was one more aspect that a genuine miner could bring to the raiders. Eddrick had recently struck a deal with a gem crafter in Nashaki to have a spyglass made with what he could only call a 'Night Vision' capability infused within it. This power came from a 'magic', or 'blessed', or in some way empowered gem he had rescued from the packs of one of the many corpses that had come after him. Something ancient he supposed, it had been ground into a lens and fitted into a spyglass. When one looked through it at night, it lit the viewed landscape as if in broad daylight.

The Tower of Gems had requested information on a symbol that had been on the pack. It apparently gave them some historical reference to track down tribal areas where these gems may have first been unearthed untold arcs ago. There had, of course been some threats and maneuvering, and ultimately, Eddrick had had to capitulate to avoid prison. In return, he'd promised himself he would take his rightful share of anything dug up from any site connected to this one-sided arrangement.

A genuine miner might be able to tell the difference between a crew sent to dig up minerals and one going after gems. Maybe their equipment would vary; or maybe there would be some difference in the look of the raw ore. If it was possible to have this eidisi infiltrated into one of these crews, that would be great. But at the least, he might be able to point out inconsistencies in the cargoes of suspected caravan trains.

His grin grew harder as it widened with this train of thought. He nodded to himself and extended his hand. There was no reason to withhold his name from this man. The Nashaki authorities were already well aware of it. "Kaladis Anar, I am Eddrick Brodon, I lead the Rhakrii Raiders. I would be glad to have the benefits of your skills. And I can certainly extend an...immunity...from the attrition of raiders.

"Normally, a partner is going to be recognized associating with us. But there are exceptions. I think we would serve each other best by keeping your connection as hidden as possible. If you arrange your shipments with the merchant Korieji, you will find yourself suffering far less loss at the hands of...bandits. There WILL have to be some prearranged caravans that we DO raid, for the sake of appearances. But you'll know ahead of time which ones they are, so you can be sure to load them with second-rate stuff."


He drew his knife, cutting free one of the buttons from his red Athartian leather. It had an emblem of that city's slaver faction embossed on it. He turned it over to see that it was one that already had a capital "RR" etched into the underside, in a way that looked like it had been intended to be only a single R, but had been done sloppily.

He handed it across to the eidisi, "Here, give this to Korieji and he will know you truly met me. Ask him first if he dropped a button. He will know what is up, and will arrange to be alone with you to look at it. He will hand it right back. If he does not, something is wrong, and you should act as if you know nothing about it, and leave quickly. Otherwise, he is the means by which I communicate with our agents in town."

Eddrick set to snapping the skeletons apart at their dried joints, and collecting them in bags he'd brought along, apparently for that very reason. He looked up, anticipating a curious look on Kaladis' face. "There's an alchemist in town that has expressed an interest in these bones. Something about gleaning the powers of the divine from them. I have yet to see any indication that he's had any success with it. But who am I to question the motivations of such people?"

He chuckled as he hoisted the bags over his shoulder, gave a last nod and a "farewell" to his new recruit, and left him to resume his mining.
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Limbo
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Skeletons in the Closet. [Eddrick]

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Limbo
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Skeletons in the Closet. [Eddrick]

Kaladis Anar

Name: Kaladis Anar.
  • Knowledge:

    • Axes & Bludgeons: The distribution of the weapon’s weight
      Blades: Improvising Blunt Force Trauma
      Blades: Ineffective against Undead (Marrows)
      Blades: Two Handed Guard
      Blades: Using leverage
      Detection: Impaired whilst working
      Detection: Seraching for Mutations
      Detection: The opponent’s strengths
      Detection; The sound of large impact
      Discipline: Ask everything, reveal nothing
      Discipline: Refusing to perish
      Eddrick: Bandit Leader (Rhakrii Raiders)
      Eddrick: Partner in Crime (and profit)
      Endurance: Fighting against the odds
      Faction: Rhakrii Raiders
      Fate: Better if known
      Korieji: Connected to the Rhakrii Raiders
      Korieji: Merchant
      Location (Boneyard): Where the dead live
      Location: The Boneyard
      Nashaki: Best of the trade (Blacksmithing)
      Necromancy (Bonesong): Dependent on concentration
      Necromancy: Strengths and Weaknesses of Marrows
      Necromany: The Bonesong
      Negotiation: The appeal of possible profit
      Pros and Cons of Armor
      Reader of the Sands: Traveling Fortune Teller
      Rhetoric: Appeal to the Ego
      Rhetoric: Facts as arguments
      Rhetoric: Half-truths
      Rhetoric: Practical honesty
      Rhetoric: Reading between the lines
      Rhetoric: Subtle Suggestion
      Singing: Practice at Work
      Tactics: Hiding one’s mount
      Tactics: Testing someone’s nerves
      Tactics: Weight advantage (Marrows)
      The power of Coin

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: These points can be spent on magic. (Necromancy)

Loot: 1x Button with the letters 'RR' written on the back.

Injuries: Kaladis' ribs will feel sore when twisting the torso for a few trials.

Fame: N/A
Devotion: +4 Audrae. Kaladis mentions her several times which is equal to prayer, and even when Eddrick came to save him, he attribuited such chance to Audrae.





Comments & Critique: You struggle with punctuation, and sometimes your sentences are awkward to read and difficult to understand sometimes. A few missing words here and there, and some minor spelling issues. I would recommend using a text processing program like Microsoft Word, Open Office, or just re-reading the text before posting.

However, I have not taken any points on structure, and that is because your posts were still of high quality. This being the first time reading one of your posts, I was impressed by how original your character is, and how smartly you handle him. As seen in my knowledge awards, I've focused a lot on awarding rhetoric. It gave me the impression that Kaladis rarely speaks just for speaking, and he's always after something with every word that comes out of his mouth. This is certainly the case in this thread, and if I've predicted it correctly, rhetoric will be useful to him in the long run.

Unfortunately, I couldn't award you much of singing and mining. Mining was barely a touched subject, and so was singing save for the first post. Furthemore, there was no real 'perfomance' of the action, and even if I tried to pull out a knowledge or two, it felt too forced to be awarded.

Regardless of it all, you did well in this thread, and, except the punctuation and missing words, you've delivered quality posts to your partner. Enjoy the rewards!

Eddrick Brodon

Name: Eddrick Brodon
  • Knowledge:

    • Detection: Quick Analysis of a fighter’s situation
      Detection: The sound of metal vs bone
      Detection: Undead March (Marrows)
      Endurance: Enduring the lack of air (and the embarrassment)
      Fate: Better if unknown
      Hunting: Tracking Undead (Marrows)
      Immortal: Vri
      Kaladis: Down to earth motivations
      Kaladis: Eidisi Blacksmith
      Kaladis: New Recruit
      Kaladis: Seeks mutual profit
      Leadership: Recruiting members
      Location: Solace Rock
      Mount (Poko): Nervous near Undead
      Negotiation: Promising profit and protection
      Pros and Cons of Armor
      Storytelling: Mixing personal experience with foreign accounting
      Storytelling: Personal facts
      Storytelling: The Plot so far
      Tactics: Analyze first, act second
      Tactics: Keeping associations secret
      Tactics: Measuring an individual’s motivations
      Tactics: Using the right weapon
      Teaching: Sharing Combat Experiences
      Undead (Marrows): Remove the head
      Undead (Marrows): They don’t tire
      Whips (Ball & Chain): Hindered effectiveness in narrow locations
      Whips (Ball & Chain): Windmill Blow

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: These points cannot be spent on magic.

Loot: -1 Button from your leather jacket. You can show more chest hair now!

Injuries: Your embarassed ego after being so clumsy.

Fame: N/A
Devotion: None

Comments & Critique: There's little to complain about. I did notice that you are very prone to using either 'Eddrick' or 'He' when referring to your character and as a sentence opener. That isn't really a problem... except when you do it so repeatedly that it gets repetitive. Take a look at your second post in this thread, for example. He he he he, Eddrick, etc. You can easily avoid said monotonous sentence opener by doing what you did on the first sentence in that same post.

'The bandit leader...'

You could always try to use a 'synonym' like in this case. Instead of a 'he', you could use 'The veteran', 'The white-haired male', 'The battle-hardened warrior'... By doing such, you can avoid the monotony, and at the same time describing your character in a subtle expositional way.

Other than that, your posts were of consistent quality. A mispell here and there, but they were rare overall. Eddrick's actions were explained very clearly, and you dwelled both in the action and the pondering/recalling with great moderation. Somehow, you've managed to do a very subtle exposition about Eddrick's past adventures. You didn't force it, however. It fit with the thread's plot and I also believed it sparks an interest into the casual reader (myself in this case) to continue reading about Eddrick for no other reason but mere curiosity. That is a great quality of your writing, and I applaud you! It is obvious that Eddrick's story has been interesting for a long time, and that speaks about your gift for writing.

I felt like your knowledge rewards were somewhat inferior in number to Kaladis'. I believe it is because of the difference in text sizes; yours were usually more 'fluffed' up with past events, whilst Kaladis' were very focused on the present. That is not a bad thing, by the way. Your style may not have reaped you many rewards in this thread, but it is nonetheless very engaging for that casual reader.

Final thoughts


An excellent thread, and a very organic bond between your characters. I can anticipate that their relationship will be a good read throughout many threads, and that is hopefully the case with you two. I was certainly lucky to catch your first meeting. I want to review your following threads!

One thing about the fame; I didn't award any. That is because it would not only counter itself by the various actions (for example: Helping a Stranger for Eddrick would be null once he recruited another bandit into his gang) and, more importantly, because I feel this private encounter shouldn't reflect on the way society views your characters. It's not like they'd know what happened in that cave, right?

Anyway, enjoy the rewards, and feel free to 'restructure' the knowledges' names to your liking. Also, please send me a PM if I've missed something. Seriously: don't keep it quiet. Also, excuse the lack of a template. It may be ugly but it has rewards. >_>

Happy writing!
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