• Solo • Alpha

This area is unmoderated. Please click on "Forum Rules" at the top of this page or go to the "Unmoderated Areas" forum to see the rules for playing here.

Moderator: Basilisk Snek

User avatar
Nightshade Eld
Approved Character
Posts: 878
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2016 5:43 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Profession: The Best Hero
Renown: 485
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Wealth Tier: Tier 10



RP Medals




Zi'da 48th, 716

As Zi'da progressed the weather only seemed to get more and more bitter. Even if Cylus was still a little ways off, the world seemed to embrace the cold season and grow icy. Of course that left even someone like Nightshade a little upset over the weather. It grew harder to hunt, harder to leave home, harder to generally survive. "Why could we humans not hibernate with the bears," she said to herself bitterly. She'd give anything to be back home in that moment. Not anything, but one could get the picture easily enough. She yearned to be back at home next to the warm fire. But here she was out in the cold practicing her marksmanship because she just couldn't practice inside, she had to be outside so that maybe she could try and hit any little critters that moved and have dinner. Her mouth was already watering at the idea of meat. "Maybe I should give up and go to the soup kitchen," she said to herself miserably. Of course her stubborn nature got the better of her, once again she raised her bow taking aim.

She'd watched Noth a couple times, fighting alongside the other half breed was a good way to learn. Not only him but Night took great interest in watching any archers she could find. Guards, enemy combatants, Noth had to be the best person to observe by far though. His stance made more sense to her than that of others did. She wasn't sure if it had something to do with a human body vs a half breed body but the way he held and shot his bow was more comfortable. Maybe it was just generally a bow user thing, she'd seen tons of different ways to stand and release the arrow.

She took a deep breath aiming for the center of the target. She'd set up something close to a target on the tree in front of her using blood. It was better not to question where she got the blood from. A noise in the distance caught her attention, her body turned right as she was releasing the arrow causing the projectile to veer off its path. "Oh no," she said cringing slightly. There was a horrible cry of some kind of animal in the distance that was now dying. "Please let me of not hit anything sentient or pet worthy," she muttered to herself repeatedly almost like a chant until she came upon what she'd hit. "Chiren what you are going to do to me? This seems far too kind," the half breed said with a tone of worry. Before her rested the carcass of a dear with a shotty arrow sticking out of its eye. The sharpened stick with a notch at the end could barely even be called an arrow, and yet she'd pierced the eye of a deer and gone right to the brain. With a miss fire no less!

She glared all around her, caution ruling her every step. Chiren wasn't that nice to her. The immortal of luck and spite used her as a play thing. She was sure of it! Lately her luck had been far too kind, and this was the cherry on top of the "I'm going to screw you over now" cake. Of course bad things had happened to her but they were the kind of bad things that happened to everyone. The breed of unluck that Night was so accustomed to had yet to strike her.

Carefully she knelt down next to the corpse and started cutting into it. It would be easier to carry the meat back home if it was in smaller pieces or already gutted. She hadn't gone out expecting to get bloody. And yet now here she was cutting apart what was soon to be the best dinner she'd had the entire season. An excited smile slowly started to claim her features as her caution turned into pure joy. Food, sweet and glorious meat. There was nothing that made the half avriel happier than the carnivorous diet of large game animal. Because she couldn't hunt very well she'd had to settle on catching small things like rabbits and mice in her talons if she could even manage that. Deer was a rare treat that often came from bartering or scavenging another's kill. As sad as it was she'd stolen legs from the local hunters in the past. That had been when she was very little though. If she could remember right it was when she was 16 and still didn't trust Icarus. A bitter laugh bubbled up from her throat at the thought of not trusting Icarus. Now she'd trust the man with her life. It was a shame he trusted her with his, he'd suffered for such a mistake.

The joy that came from her kill instantly fizzled out and she focused on the grim task of collecting the meat. She'd brought her hunting knife just incase she found a rabbit, the tool was far better at cutting apart prey than either of her swords could ever wish to be. The curve of the blades made it near to impossible to do any kind of proper cutting. They usually produced little more than a mess when she was trying to cut something off, instead of just trying to hack apart an enemy.

A quiet growl materialized behind her. The half breed was on her feet in a trill, her blade was drawn and she was ready for action. Only for her to find that nothing was there, nothing but a small rustle in the bushes. "Sneaky little devil, aren't we?" She mused to herself quietly, allowing the movement of the bushes to go behind her. She expected to hear something jump out of the bushes and attack her, but it never came. She turned around curiously only to come face to face with a large gray creature. Two blue eyes looked up at her in fear as the Zelroux became completely still. There were stitches in its side and it's tail was between its legs. "Oh. It's you," she said. She reached down only for the creature to move away. It wasn't scared of her so much as respectful. Unless she was going insane there was a look of shame in the eyes of the creature for trying to steal a bite of her kill.

"Wait one moment," she said kneeling down and stabbing her knife into one of the front legs of the deer. she easily hacked off the appendage and tossed it to the Zelroux. The beast's eyes seemed to light up as it dug into the leg.

"You know I really don't mind sharing. It's not like I need all of this for myself. Yes I could preserve it for Cylus, but there will always be more. More nels, more kills, more life. There's always more and always a second chance for those that know where to look. Even you Mr. Packless," she said. She didn't really expect for the creature to understand her. Yet curiously enough there was a look in its eyes that almost convinced her otherwise. Almost. "Either way," she continued hacking off the two hind legs, "you need this more than me. I'll take this, you cane have the rest," she said slinging the legs over her shoulder. The Zelroux watched her leave quietly not making any kind of movement except to wiggle closer to the dead deer and stuff its nose into the innards. Unlike humanoid creatures the Zelroux didn't seem to mind the intestines. If anything it seemed favor them. Though that might be because it was a lower rank of its old pack and everything better was gone by the time it got to eat.

Night continued on in silence, bound for home, until she heard a slight rustling in the world behind her. She turned around and didn't see anything so she went back to walking. This process repeated a couple different times until finally she got sick of it. When the bushes rustled again she turned on her heels and threw herself towards the noise. Her body tumbled to the ground next to the Zelroux. It look at her in fear for a moment taking a couple steps back. Panic lit its eyes as they darted around, undecided in what it wanted to do. The creature had the second front leg in its jaws, completely uneaten. "What are you doing? You scared me you know that? Go home!" She got up off the ground and continued on her way. Only for the creature to supposedly follow her as she heard more rustling. "It'll get bored and go away, if it doesn't I'll chase it away," she told herself quietly. She thought it was just following her because it wanted to beg for more meat, she couldn't understand the real reason why it wanted to tag along.

Eventually she got back walking into the small cave and setting the two legs down next to the fire. She turned around only to come face to face with the Zelroux. The creature looked up at her with the front leg still clamped in its jaws. "What are you doing. You have food. Go," she tried to get it to go away. She took a couple steps forward but the beast stood its ground, something apparently emboldening it. In it's mind this was the same as trying to get a new alpha. Alphas tended to try and chase off new Zelroux from the territory before actually accepting them.

"Alright, I'm losing my patience," she warned. The animal simply turned its head to the side, not understanding the threat. "Fine, we'll do things your way," she said picking up a small stone. She tossed the stone at its feet and the creature jumped. It yelped dropping the meat locked in its jaws. The animal ran away and Night sat down. With its presence gone she was a little sad that she'd ran it off, but it had almost the entire deer. It was peaceful once more until a strange barking caught her attention from the outside of the cave. "What are you doing?" She asked the arguably insane animal. This time it had brought the almost untouched remains of the deer.

It barked at her once more. "Come in?" She asked motioning for the Zelroux to enter. It didn't understand the words, but the motion was close enough to a motion of a Zelroux's tail that it assumed the same meaning was implied. The beast proudly walked in dragging the deer with it. Night watching with both caution and curiosity as the animal left the deer with the rest of its torn off parts before taking a couple steps back. Night sat down next to where the corpse had been left, cutting off a piece of the meat and spearing it. The Zelroux quietly watched sitting down after Night.

"Are you mine now? Are you just going to sit there?" She asked. The creature tilted its head not really understanding her words. She tried giving a command. "Come!" The beast didn't move. She hacked off another piece of meat and waved it. "Come" she commanded once more. This time the animal came forward slight. She tossed the meat to it and the Zelroux snapped it up. "Come," she repeated waving another piece of meat. The process repeated until the animal was at arms length. She pulled the creature over, the Zelroux easily yielded itself in her arms collapsing into her lap. The long and soft pelt felt marvelous. "Alright, let's try something else now," she said. It was just as easy to remove him from her lap.

"Storm, come," she said after hacking off a couple pieces of meat and walking away. The creature this time understanding what come meant trotted over without question. Night smirked and offered a piece of meat. She walked away. The newly dubbed Storm tried to follow. "Stay," she commanded holding up a hand. The Zelroux, unsure of itself, took pause in its movement. "Good boy," Night said tossing the piece of meat to the creature. The Zelroux tore into the piece. "Storm," she said in a gentle tone. The creature looked up at her vocalization. He didn't understand that was his name yet, but surely he would in time. "Good boy," she said walking over and offering the creature the rest of the cut off meat. After that she went back to her own. It wasn't burnt, but it was highly charred after being unattended next to the fire. "Like that's new," she muttered to herself finally sinking her teeth into the meat. Storm moved over to sit next to her, curling up against her. It was the best meal she'd had in arcs.
word count: 2195
Common ~ Ith'Ession ~ Lorien
Dear Mods,
Mod bombs are welcomed and encouraged!
User avatar
Peer Reviewer
Peer Reviewer
Posts: 3426
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2016 3:43 am
Race: Mortal Born
Profession: Alchemist
Renown: 1082
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 10


Nightshade Eld

Animal Husbandry: Animals can understand you to a point
Animal Husbandry: If you give an animal food, it might follow you
Animal Husbandry: Scaring an animal away doesn’t always work
Animal Husbandry: Low-ranking pack members eat later
Animal Husbandry: Low-ranking pack members often get scraps
Animal Training: Using food as an incentive or reward
Animal Training: Using gestures to communicate with an animal
Animal Training: Teaching your animal to come
Animal Training: It takes a few repetitions to teach a command
Animal Training: Teaching your animal to stay
Animal Training: Praising your animal when it has done something well
Detection: The death cry of an animal
Detection: Noticing that an animal is behind you
Detection: A rustling in the bushes
Hunting: Cutting the meat into small pieces makes it easier to transport
Hunting: If you can't hunt well, hunt small game
Hunting: A knife is better than a sword for cutting apart prey
Immortal: Chrien: Probably uses you as a plaything
Psychology: The joy of the kill
Ranged Combat, Shortbow: Moving can affect your aim negatively
Self: Accustomed to bad luck
Storm: A Zelroux
Storm: Followed you
Storm: Thinks you are his new alpha
Storm: Your new animal companion
Storm: No longer "Mr. Packless"
Zelroux: Don’t mind intestines

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 0/5
Structure: 4/5

Fame: +1 for acquiring a Zelroux
+1 for sharing your food with a hungry Zelroux

Devotion: N/A

Magic: These points cannot be used for magic.

Loot: Storm, the Zelroux

Comments: This was a great read! The way you described the interaction between Night and Storm seemed very realistic to me.

Occasionally a sentence felt a little awkward to me though, and there were also a few commas missing.

Apart from that I noticed several spelling/grammar mistakes ("shotty" instead of "shoddy" "just incase" instead of "just in case", "cane" instead of "can", "look" instead of "looked" etc.).

That's why I deducted a point from Structure. The flow of your story was excellent though!

I gave you a lot of Animal Training and Animal Husbandry knowledges. If you think that I missed something nevertheless, please let me know.

I also gave you +1 fame for acquiring the Zelroux. According to the writeup Zelroux are highly sought after and a status symbol, so it seems appropriate.

When checking your CS I noticed that you didn't list your expenses for Zi'da (separately). I assume you still deducted them? If not, please do so.

If you have any issues with this review or any questions, please PM me!

Picture: "After the Storm" by maf04, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0./cropped and resized
word count: 456





Worn Items

Ring of Reversal
Ring of Immunity
Locked Request an XP Review Claim Wealth Thread

Return to “Western: Etzos”