• Memory • A Student Seeking a Teacher

Avrae seeks out a Becomer to... Become.

The seven Duchies of Central Rynmere and their respective baronies, cities, towns, villages, and landmarks each overseen by a Duke of one of the seven noble families and ultimately controlled by the King of Rynmere.
User avatar
Avrae Kyric
Approved Character
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:34 pm
Race: Aukari
Profession: Mercenary
Renown: -32
Character Sheet
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
25th of Saun, 716
Warrick, Rynmere

Avrae was certain Rynmere was his least favorite place in Idalos. Not because he hated the actually place, no. The lovely climate, huge vineyards, beautiful coasts… no, Avrae loved that part. He found Andaris city to be the problem. One day in the place and he’d been pushed down twice, punched once, and threatened over five times. The people of Andaris were not friendly to Aukari, like many cities. He couldn’t even get a room at the inn because another customer got so upset over “an Aukari beast being under the same roof” and paid three times the normal amount as long as the innkeeper didn’t give Avrae a room. The man didn’t have any proof he was an Aukari, but he said “look at that ginger hair! Human or Aukari, I don’t even want to take the risk.” Avrae had been appalled that he had gotten so touchy over red hair, with absolutely no proof. He’d managed to convince a stablemaster to sleep in the stables (since it was raining at the time and Avrae wasn’t about to sleep without a roof over his head), and he’d woken to a pile of horse shit about a foot from his head.

Avrae was used to shitty conditions- literally this time- but it pissed him off none-the-less. After staying that one night in Andaris, he’d bathed in a creek outside the city and had gone on his way to Warrick. You might be wondering why Avrae was in Rynmere, and to tell you the truth, Avrae wasn’t entirely certain himself.

He had been in Sirothelle a season ago, dealing with selling his uncle’s house and belongings. It had actually been nice to be home- to Avrae’s great surprise- and showing his Tunawa companion, Ailluin, his childhood home was rather fun. However, in his time in Sirothelle, he couldn’t stop thinking about the Becomer he had met outside of Ne’haer. Mal. The wolf had let Avrae and Ailluin live with him for some time, and he had divulged his magic to Avrae. While Avrae had to leave and had not been able to stay to learn from Mal, he had bid his new friend an emotional goodbye. Since then, it’d been on his mind.

Avrae wanted to learn to Become. Only, without Mal he had no teacher. But he had asked around- and had heard rumors of a man who lived in Warrick, who was a Becomer. They said he had quite a few totems, that he could change into a number of animals. So Avrae was seeking him out. He knew next to nothing about the man- but how hard could it be to find a man who can turn into an animal?

It hadn’t been easy to leave Ailluin in Sirothelle without him- but he had merely told her he had some business to take care of and he’d be back before the end of Saun to collect her and then they would be going to Ne’haer together. That was hopefully not a lie, but Avrae had no clue how long it’d take to find this guy, much less how long initiation took.

When he reached Warrick, he had no idea where to start- except for the forest. Mal always said that, as a Becomer, he wasn’t at ease in cities. He liked his cave. Avrae could only assume the true would be true of this other Becomer.

He still hadn’t learned to walk quietly, his boots snapping twigs as he walked through the woods that afternoon, eyes peeled for monsters or an animal with a totem. His dagger was in his hand just in case. You never know if they’re friendly Becomers… Maybe he’s the type to maul first, ask questions later. Avrae thought absently as he walked through the woods.
Last edited by Avrae Kyric on Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 670
Summer Rain
Avrae Kyric Asari Rosacea Olivia Warrick Talisa Tawfeek Teryani Shenandoah
CS CS CS CS CS
Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes
Templates Templates Templates Templates Templates
Partner Partner Partner Partner Partner
User avatar
Varthakh
Approved Character
Posts: 1311
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:44 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Profession: Jeger
Renown: 580
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
Most people would have thrown a fit to see anyone half dressed in public, as though the fact that it was freaking SAUN of all seasons wasn't a valid excuse to take your shirt off. Not that he minded of course, just meant that he got to spend more time in the woods - his domain! With his totems jingling in his pocket, Fridgar walked under the canopy of the trees. Eric had fallen asleep in the middle of a discussion on why Fridgar had done wrong by killing Mrs. Perkins' cat. Eric was way too sensitive, killing mittens and turning him into a totem was the best revenge! Mrs. Perkins would never find out anyway, though... he pondered turning into her cat, approaching her then unleashing into a bear.

With a chuckle, he shook his head. That would be bad - not only would Eric scald him for causing the timely death of an annoying old lady via heart attack, but he'd never unleashed before. He was excited for the trial that he would figure it out. He considered the pros and cons of breaking into a jog, but the humidity of the Saun air threatened to bleed him dry of all his fluids, so he walked briskly. He stroked his chin, maybe he oughta grow a beard? He'd probably look good with a beard. He swam aimlessly through his vivid thoughts, not really paying attention to where he was going.

Something caught his gaze however - movement in the corner of his eye. He turned and behold an human, with a weapon drawn? No, just a letter opener. He contemplated calling to the man, but he might get stabbed. Psht, what was he worried about? He had his bear totem on him. With a shrug, he put his back to a nearby tree without regard for the rough bark on his skin and spoke "Whatchya doing?" while leaning, casually. "'Don't see too many other people out here, are you new to town?" he asked with a hand still in his pocket. It suddenly struck him that he didn't know how to unleash just yet. 'Oh my god! Dude! You better figure it out fast! If he tries to shank you, you're in for some trouble!' he raised an eyebrow to the man that stood before him "Oh, the name's Fridgar by the way. And you are...?".
Last edited by Varthakh on Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:26 am, edited 2 times in total. word count: 409
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of emotional failure.
-- Bertrand Russell
User avatar
Avrae Kyric
Approved Character
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:34 pm
Race: Aukari
Profession: Mercenary
Renown: -32
Character Sheet
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
Avrae probably would be happy as a clam if more people walked around in Saun half dressed. He’d pay good money for it, in fact- if he had the money. But alas, he was fully dressed, with his torso covered in a leather armor chestpiece, and his leather jacket on over that. Skin was a lot more easily injured than leather was, and since Avrae had no clue what kind of guy he’d be meeting, he wasn’t taking any chances. Even so, sweat was beading on his forehead, his cheeks a hot red. Fuck… I can’t believe it but I actually miss living in the North… it was much cooler there. Yes, Aukari can get uncomfortably hot. Though Avrae knew his hot was hotter than most. He vaguely wondered, if an egg as cracked onto his chest, would it sizzle and cook?

Hearing a voice, Avrae jumped slightly, his grip tightening on his dagger. His eyes shot to where there was a big, burly man leaned on a tree, shirtless. Avrae stood still, but as the male introduced himself, he slipped his dagger back into his pocket. Fridgar… man I spoke to said his name started with an F… Avrae was a betting man, and he would have put money- again, if he had any- on this being his new mentor. Deciding to take the risk, Avrae said the one thing he wouldn’t have been able to say if they were in the city, in public, around people.

“I’m Avrae. Avrae Kyric. I’m looking for a Becomer that resides in these parts.” Avrae crossed his arms, trying to keep his face blank. I wonder how much I can freak this guy out… He thought, before saying in a no-nonsense tone, “You wouldn’t happen to know a mage like that, would you?”
word count: 317
Summer Rain
Avrae Kyric Asari Rosacea Olivia Warrick Talisa Tawfeek Teryani Shenandoah
CS CS CS CS CS
Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes
Templates Templates Templates Templates Templates
Partner Partner Partner Partner Partner
User avatar
Varthakh
Approved Character
Posts: 1311
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:44 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Profession: Jeger
Renown: 580
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
With a smile, he stoop up from the tree and approached the human that had introduced himself as 'Avrae' "Nice to meetchya" he spoke, extending a clawed hand to the man. His eyes shot wide as Avrae so boldly spoke of a Becomer in the area. 'Eric?' He thought to himself 'Shit, how does he know about Eric!?'. Fridgar gulped uncomfortably, "A Becomer? Err, can't say I've heard of one of those..." he spoke, putting his right foot back - just in case. "Nothing up in Warrick but us horse trainers." He certified, did he look like a horse trainer? Despite the man's words, he spoke without certainty, as though he didn't believe what he was saying.

"Though, there's something about my neighbour, Mrs. Perkins, her cat died recently but she didn't seem to care." He spoke, holding back a sinister smile. 'The punches keep coming, don't they, Mrs. Perkins?' Revenge was sweet. "I can take you there if you like." He spoke with a scratch of his chin. This guy was totally ready for a fight, he looked him up and down, clad in leather armour for shock absorption and wielding a letter opener - he'd try and kill Eric if he didn't do something to stop him. Think Fridgar, think! He turned and waved his arm in a motion that read 'follow me' taking a few steps as he kicked his brain into action - thinking wasn't his strong point, far from it. But he was good at punching people, why didn't he just punch the human? Brilliant idea!

With a shrug, Fridgar turned around and pushed the man back "I'm the Becomer you want!" He roared, raising his fists 'Good thinking, Jackass. Now he's gonna kill you and not Eric!' Without giving the man a chance to speak, he leaped at him and punched his leather breastplate straight in the centre. His arm shook, forcing his jaw to drop in shock, it had absorbed most of the impact and only succeeded in pushing the human back slightly, if at all. His knuckles echoed with pain 'Good at punching people, eh?' mocked the voice in his head. He fell to the floor, clutching his hand in agony. 'Note to self - leather armour is still armour.' he thought absently before looking up at the human. He backed up along the dirt floor, scrambling to take hold of a rock or something - anything that would help him fight off this attacker.

Finding nothing, he reached into his pocket - aha! he took hold of his totems, pelting the human with them one by one "FUCK OFF!" he roared, only succeeding in hitting two of the totems, both on the chest piece. 'Shit. You didn't even scratch him; the guy is a god. It's over! We had a good run.'.
Last edited by Varthakh on Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 487
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of emotional failure.
-- Bertrand Russell
User avatar
Avrae Kyric
Approved Character
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:34 pm
Race: Aukari
Profession: Mercenary
Renown: -32
Character Sheet
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
Avrae’s eyes dropped to the clawed hand extended to him. The polite thing to do would be to take it, but given that he had little trust for this new guy- and quite liked his hand- he stood there in stony silence, lifting his amber gaze to Fridgar’s own dark eyes. “Likewise.” He responded finally, trying to sound at the very least cordial. He couldn’t help the way his lips turned up into a small smile as Fridgar tried to say he was a horse tamer. I’ve seen some bad liars but… man, is this guy even trying? “Horse tamer, huh?” He mused, holding back a chuckle as the man began to talk about a cat. I really hope this guy isn’t fond of killing household pets… For that matter, I hope I won’t be. Avrae thought, remembering Mal say that Becoming an animal changes you. For Mal, that was a love of less than cooked meat. For Avrae… well, it was definitely the scariest part of Becoming to him. He wanted change but not that kind of change.

Avrae was not as fast as he would have hoped he’d be, having no time to move away as Fridgar’s fist pummeled into his chest. The blow made him stagger, his eyes widening, but little more than that. Had he not been wearing the sturdy leather chestplate, however, he was sure a hit like that would have taken the air right out of his lungs. Armor, smart choice. Very smart… shockingly smart for you, Avrae. Avrae couldn’t help thinking to himself as he watched the Becomer scramble backwards on the ground.

With reflexes he didn’t know he had, Avrae managed to snatch the totems as they smacked into his chest, before they fell to the ground. As he looked down at them dangling in his hand, he grinned. Just like the ones Mal had… this is definitely the guy I’m looking for.

Throwing the totems up in the air, Avrae managed to catch them, dangling them playfully for Fridgar like a cat with a mouse, listening to them clack. After a long moment and a deep breath, he tilted his head with amused eyes and asked, “Is that any way to treat your new student. Gee. Here I was, about to bend my knee and beg for your tutelage, and you attack me. Plus, now I’m not sure if you’re smart enough to be my teacher. Throwing your most powerful weapons at me, your totems? That’s not very smart, now is it?”

In truth, he was teasing Fridgar. This whole thing was purely amusing to him.
word count: 456
Summer Rain
Avrae Kyric Asari Rosacea Olivia Warrick Talisa Tawfeek Teryani Shenandoah
CS CS CS CS CS
Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes
Templates Templates Templates Templates Templates
Partner Partner Partner Partner Partner
User avatar
Varthakh
Approved Character
Posts: 1311
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:44 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Profession: Jeger
Renown: 580
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
"My new student...?" He asked, looking up at the human. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold your horses." He spoke, holding out his open palms, signalling that the human stopped after he'd already finished talking. "You want ME to teach YOU magic?" he chuckled, shaking his head before getting up on his feet. "I hate to break it to you, buddy - But I'm just another mage's apprentice, I don't think I'm quite fit to teach anyone really." he brushed the loose earth from his trousers and gathered up the other four totems he'd thrown. "I mean, if it wasn't obvious before - I don't really know what I'm doing. I've never even blended before... Were you looking for Eric, My teacher?" He asked before snatching the totems from Avrae while he taunted.

"I mean, it’s possible I could teach you, but why would you want to learn from a novice when you can learn from... whatever Eric is?" He scratched his chin, the thought of it was all very bizarre. He looked to Avrae with a raised eyebrow after pocketing his totems "How do you even know who I am? I didn't think anybody knew about me." he asked, almost fearful. "Who told you to go to Warrick?" he asked with a hint of anger in his tone before sighing and releasing his building rage. "It's not your fault, but whoever knows about me could easily send someone with less-than-ideal intentions over here, we might need to move." he cleared the air, looking to Avrae with hopeful eyes.

"What's your pain threshold like?" Fridgar asked with a tilt of his head and raised eyebrows. "Because magic comes at a price, the first one you've gotta pay is this.." He spoke, fishing about in his pocket before producing a small bead-sized bone. "That's my little toe, I had to cut it off myself. Are you prepared to do something like that?" he asked before placing the totem in Avarae's palm. "Let me explain. Becoming works on totems, you've gotta take some bone, blood and hair all from the exact same animal to make a totem, it's super specific." he scratched his chin thought for a moment before continuing. "You have to make a totem of yourself or you won't be able to change back. Some people give up their normal form after venturing deeper into the magic apparently, but I probably won't..." he spoke before taking his totem back once more and pocketing it. "Does all of that make sense to you?".
word count: 449
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of emotional failure.
-- Bertrand Russell
User avatar
Avrae Kyric
Approved Character
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:34 pm
Race: Aukari
Profession: Mercenary
Renown: -32
Character Sheet
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
“I don’t expect this to be a long lesson. I need to learn the basics, have an initiation. Then I’ll be out of your hair.” Avrae replied as Fridgar got up. He wasn’t as keen on laughing, crossing his arms as he gazed at the man with a serious expression. “But no, it was definitely you I was looking for. I doubt there’s anyone like you in this world.” He commented, smirking as Fridgar snatched the totems back from him. In truth, Avrae had no clue what he was doing. He just knew that he liked the idea. “I had a… friend. Name’s Mal. He’s a Becomer with a wolf totem, and he saved my life. He’s… a pretty big reason I want to learn this. But we had to separate, and I don’t know if I’ll see him again… maybe ever. So I looked for another.”

Reaching up, Avrae ran a hurried hand through his bright ginger hair, pausing. After a second of thought, he explained, “I wouldn’t be very good at what I do if I gave away my sources. But don’t worry, your location is safe. In truth, all I had to go on were vague rumors. I consider myself lucky to have found you at all.” Normally, he wouldn’t have done this, but he added, “And I’ll be honest with you. Only fair, since I want you to teach me- I’m an Aukari. I have just as much reason not to have people know what or where I am. My kind isn’t really… liked.”

He constantly lied to make people think he was human, and even then he still got mistreated simply because of the fear people had for Aukari. Even the chance of him being Aukari was too much for some people. To date, the only people who knew were Mal, Ailluin, his family and people he knew from Sirothelle, and now Fridgar.

Pain. Avrae wasn’t good with pain. He took great measures to avoid it, distancing himself from things that could cause pain. Though, to be fair, he mostly couldn’t stand emotional pain. Physical pain? He could try. He was willing to try. To Become something else, to no longer be an Aukari, to be free to feel high levels of emotion without fear of bursting into flame… yeah. He could try. For that freedom.

Studying the bone Avrae was given, he rolled it around in his palm for a second, falling quiet as he steeled his nerves. Closing his hand over the bone, he held it back out, dropping it back into Fridgar’s hand. Lifting his amber gaze to catch the gaze of his new teacher, he took a deep breath. “I know all that. Mal explained it, to an extent, and I’ve done a little research. I’m prepared. I even picked out what toe I want to lose. I may not be able to slice it off myself, and I’m not good at pain, but… I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to Become something different. So…”

Swallowing the last of his reservations, he had only one thing to ask.

“You willing to teach me or not?”
word count: 556
Summer Rain
Avrae Kyric Asari Rosacea Olivia Warrick Talisa Tawfeek Teryani Shenandoah
CS CS CS CS CS
Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes
Templates Templates Templates Templates Templates
Partner Partner Partner Partner Partner
User avatar
Varthakh
Approved Character
Posts: 1311
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:44 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Profession: Jeger
Renown: 580
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
"You make arcana sound so simple... Like reading a book." Fridgar exhaled. With an uncomfortable expression, he looked away. "...It's really not." He scratched his head before turning to the human and listening to his story. Fridgar nodded "I can't say I've ever heard of him, but that means he's doing a good job of keeping quiet... Unlike me apparently!" He smiled. It was obvious enough that Avrae had some sort of connection to this man, it would have been a lot easier to have learned from this 'Mal'.

Fridgar rolled his eyes as Avrae spoke, 'his sources' what is he? A secret agent? "Alright, if you say so". Fridgar's body language had loosened to a point, clearly a lot more comfortable in the human's presence. That was until he confessed that he wasn't ACTUALLY a human. He raised both eyebrows, opening his eyes slightly as Avrae confessed to being an Aukari. "Whoa." he spoke after a trill or two of silence, looking the man up and down. "I've never actually seen one of your kind before... i thought you'd be a bit more... on fire? You're just a normal guy!" Fridgar spoke, leaning to the left and right to take in every detail of the man stood in front of him before taking a quick walk around him. 'Yeah, not too interested in a totem.' he thought to himself before plopping his feet back in front of the Aukari.

"It doesn't bother me none. I mean, I've punched you once already and you didn't erupt!" he laughed, putting his hand on the Aukari's shoulder for a couple of trills before wincing and taking his hand off. He looked between his hand and Avrae for a moment. "Is that natural or just because the Saun sun is on your leather armour?" he asked before coming to the decision in his head that it was probably both. He waved his hand about in the air for a trill, trying to shake off the burning pain.

Finally, Fridgar watched the Aukari's reaction to holding a piece of what used to be him. Fridgar accepted the totem back and looked to Avrae expectantly before he spoke his thoughts. Seemingly out of the Lothar's character, he nodded with understanding. "Yeah, most people can't deal with the pain. I'm surprised you still want to go through with it, despite being squeamish." he spoke, though it made sense. The poor man had probably suffered for seasons on end because of people that don't understand. Where he had suffered for arcs on end for protecting what he loved from someone he loved.

Fridgar closed his eyes and smiled. Did he even have what it takes to teach someone magic? Probably not! But he'd never been one to give up, especially before even trying. "I'll teach you, but it's not quite as simple as having a lesson then going home." Fridgar spoke with a sigh, looking about the woodlands. "I'll tell you what, you know where town is, don't you? Meet me at the Tavern there tomorrow and we'll get to know each other a little better. I wanna know who I'm giving the power to become before we jump into things. Sound like a plan?" Fridgar waited for his affirmation.

Once the two were done, he'd head off for home - Eric was probably going to kill him for wandering off during one of his sleepy lectures. "Remember! The Smith's Arms tomorrow, the 19th break!" Fridgar called out with a wave before breaking into a jog and heading home.[/align]
word count: 627
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of emotional failure.
-- Bertrand Russell
User avatar
Avrae Kyric
Approved Character
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:34 pm
Race: Aukari
Profession: Mercenary
Renown: -32
Character Sheet
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
Maybe Fridgar was right. Maybe Avrae had unrealistic views to what this would be like- maybe he was making it seem simple. But that was… Avrae. He tended to see things in black and white at first, until he came to a more full understanding. He merely nodded as Fridgar spoke of not having heard about Mal. Good. He thought, remembering the man Mal spoke of that was hunting him. It’s better that no one can find him. It saddened him to think he’d never see Mal again, but the thought of Mal getting caught by his own mentor gave a chill down Avrae’s spine. Wherever he was, he hoped his wolfish friend was keeping well out of sight.

Avrae couldn’t help but snort as Fridgar confessed to what he thought an Aukari to be. “Is that what they tell people now? That we run around on fire? With ashen skin and hair of flames? I’m not a monster from Siro Hell, much as some would believe me to be.” He watched Fridgar walk around him before adding, “I’d bet money you’ve met Aukari before- they just didn’t tell you. The only distinguishable characteristics is boiling blood- if I were to bleed on you, you’d probably get second degree burns-, red hair, and warm skin.”

As the Becomer touched him, Avrae’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t usually let people so casually grab onto him, but for the sake of proving a point, he stayed still. “It’s Saun, you ash-head. Of course my armor is hot, it’s baking out here. If you were to go by my skin, you’d feel that I run naturally warm. But if I were in a cool room, holding onto you for more than five minutes, I’d feel like a campfire and you would be able to make the assumption of me being an Aukari. That is why it’s easy to say I’m human- I don’t tend to let people hold onto me long enough to guess. You’re welcome for me telling you the truth, by the way. I can count on one hand the number of living people who know I’m not human.”

As Fridgar began to make his replies, Avrae frowned. I really hope this doesn’t take more than a couple of weeks… The Aukari thought, his mind going to Ailluin. She’d be fine though, Arwel was watching her.

“Uh-” Avrae began to speak up, eyes widening when Fridgar mentioned going for drinks at a tavern. Not only was Avrae pretty broke, but he usually only drank on his birthday, because alcohol and fire didn’t tend to mix. He left it for special occasions, usually. But before he could explain this, Fridgar was jogging off, leaving Avrae standing there. Sighing, the frustrated Aukari moved to unclasp his armor, yanking the hot chest piece off with a grunt. Running a hand through his hair- which was also hot from the beating Saun sun- Avrae frowned as he threw the chest plate to the ground. He glanced in the direction of town, absently hoping it wasn’t as hard to get a room as it had been in Andaris.

Guess I’ll be having drinks with my new mentor…
word count: 563
Summer Rain
Avrae Kyric Asari Rosacea Olivia Warrick Talisa Tawfeek Teryani Shenandoah
CS CS CS CS CS
Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes Plot Notes
Templates Templates Templates Templates Templates
Partner Partner Partner Partner Partner
User avatar
Munchkin
General Staff
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2017 4:29 pm
Race: Mer
Profession: Former Advocate, Current Cool Dude
Renown: 0
Wealth Tier: Tier 10

Contribution

Milestones

Staff

Miscellaneous

A Student Seeking a Teacher

Image
Avrae


Knowledge:

Becoming: Requires Totems
Becoming: Not as simple as it looks
Detection: The smell of horse dung
Fridgar: Short tempered
Fridgar: Your new teacher

Loot:
N/A
Injuries:
N/A
Fame:
N/A
Magic:
These points can NOT be used for Domain Magic
Devotion:
N/A

Story:
3/5
Collaboration:
5/5
Structure:
5/5


Fridgar


Knowledge:

Aukari: Similar to humans
Aukari: Few unique features
Avrae: An Aukari
Avrae: Wants to learn becoming
Endurance: Punching leather hurts
Endurance: Touching hot leather hurts

Loot:
N/A
Injuries:
Bruised Knuckles (Pain for 3 to 5 days)
Fame:
N/A
Magic:
These points can NOT be used for Domain Magic
Devotion:
N/A

Story:
3/5
Collaboration:
5/5
Structure:
5/5


Comments:
Hi both. Whilst I really enjoyed reading this thread, it does have some logical inconsistencies which are the reason why I have deducted story points.

The main issue with this story is the assumption that Avrae would have heard of Fridgar. There are a number of reasons why this would not happen and why it is not logically consistent. For example:
In your post, Avrae you say "But he had asked around- and had heard rumors of a man who lived in Warrick, who was a Becomer. " - Who had he asked? This should have been RP'd out, especially considering that magic is, at best, frowned upon in Rynmere. If, in fact, Fridgar was this well known, he would be in considerable danger since he is an unlicensed magic practitioner.

You also say "They said he had quite a few totems, that he could change into a number of animals. So Avrae was seeking him out. He knew next to nothing about the man- but how hard could it be to find a man who can turn into an animal?" Again - how would "they" know? It's not clear who you've asked and the plot needs to be internally consistent.

"Fridgar… man I spoke to said his name started with an F… Avrae was a betting man, and he would have put money- again, if he had any- on this being his new mentor. "
The point with the "name beginning with F" is the same point as above, but is another example of assumptions being made which should not.

Fridgar: I would urge you to consider how logical it is for Fridgar to a) throw his totems at and then b) offer to teach a complete stranger. Bear in mind that the number of students you can initiate is limited. Just something worth considering.

Other than that, both of your pcs are fun to read and you write really well. It can be tricky navigating the logic of consistent storytelling when you are focused on achieving a goal and I understand that completely. So, whilst I have had to hit this thread for story for the above reasons, rather than have to do the same for your follow up thread, I have placed a "ModBomb" for you so that we can a) sort out the inconsistencies and b) have fun doing it!
word count: 514
Locked Request an XP Review Claim Wealth Thread

Return to “Duchies”