• Closed • Dashing Through Snow

[Part 1](Alistair) A escort journey into a dangerous place is about to unfold.

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Posts: 239
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 1:40 pm
Race: Mer
Renown: 0
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

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Dashing Through Snow

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Name: Patrick

Knowledge:
Alistair: Saved you from falling into the gorge
Alistair: Teases you with dirty thoughts
The Willow woods: The forest around Ne'haer
Ne'haer: The walls are a good protection from harsher elements
Acrobatics: Jumping over a fallen bridge
Endurance: Keeping hold of a ledge
Strength: Pulling your body wait up
Ilaren: Her tits probably aren't that perky
Sylvithia: A species of wraith, or ghost, that haunts the Willow Woods
Sylvithia: look like humans from a distance but are really hideous monsters.

Loot: N/A
Injuries: Bruised leg, lasting 5 trials till fully healed. Bruised stomach, lasting 5 trials till fully healed.
Fame: N/A
Devotion: N/A

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A

Comment: No issues with Story, Collaboration and structure. I think you did a great job of making what could have been a very mundane walk through the forest interesting. I thought you did a great job of playing the fun and relaxed man Patrick appears to be to me. It was exciting and interesting, good job I look forward to reading more!

P.s. I love the expressions Patrick makes, Ilarens perky tits, just wow :lol: Love it!

Name: Alistair

Knowledge:
Patrick: Almost fell into the gorge
Patrick: Believes himself to have a good sense of direction
Ne'haer: has harsher winters than Venora
Ne'haer: You would expect it to have kinder winters
Ne'haer: Willow woods: read the bestiary
Ne'haer: Willow woods: collapsed bridge
Rupturing: A portal which has a strong pulling effect
Rupturing: Grip another person tightly so you appear to be one entity
Acting: Keeping a fake calm
Ilaren: Her tits probably aren't that perky

Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: -2 act of magic
Devotion: N/A

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: These points may be used for magic.

Comment: No issues with Story, Collaboration and structure. This is the first thread of yours I have reviewed and it was good. It had excitement and was very fun to read. I love this relationship between he two PCs, the dirty jokes and the banter. When you saved Patrick I think it was well written, but it may just have been me, I found it a little hard to understand (but my knowledge of rupturing is not great). When I read it, I know it needed to be fast to catch him, but it felt rushed, besides that great thread! I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Also for both of you I am sorry there is not loads of Knowledge, I was struggling a little to award much. If you can think of anything I missed and you would like let me know with the reasons and I will look into adding it.

If you have any questions or concerns please do send me a PM and I will do my best to fix it.
word count: 502
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