• Closed • Affection [Part i.]

A gift exchange for the 12 Trials of Zi'da. [Vincent D'Ordyn]

Seated on the shores of Lake Lovalus, Rharne serves as the home of the Lighting Knights, the Thunder Priestesses, and the Merchant's guild. This beautiful trade city is filled with a happy and contented people who rarely need an excuse to party.

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Gangui
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Posts: 483
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2017 11:03 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Profession: Faction Leader
Renown: 196
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Affection [Part i.]

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SABINE
Knowledge:

1. "The 12 Trials of Zi'da": Despite a bitter past, I was excited for this years celebration.
2. Vincent D'Ordyn: Understands on some level the deeper meaning behind my family and nation's traditions.
3. Vincent D'Ordyn: Vincent's words relaxes me even after a hard day's work.
4. "The 12 Trials of Zi'da": My gifts had deep meanings behind them this year.
5. Cloud: The gray kitten Vincent and I adopted during the 516 Zi'da festivities.
6. Vincent D'Ordryn: I associate terrible memories of the past with Vincent's cloak, but also the good ones.
7. Vincent D'Ordryn: Vincent's words relaxes me even during emotional turmoil.
8. Vincent D'Ordryn: He reminded me of a lone wolf for many reasons.
9. Leather Brawling Gloves: Vincent gave these to me.
10. Defender: A sword I gave Vincent, but he probably doesn't like it.
11. Discipline: Even though I was hungover I completed my duty to Vincent.
12. Location: Blackwood Bar
13. Location: The Harpy Inn
14. Location: The Bronze Boar
15. Location: Vincent’s Home (Rharne)
16. Rharne Holiday: The 12 Trials of Zi’da

Loot:
Item's gifted by Vincent.
Injuries:
N/A
Fame:
+14 Giving Gifts, +1 Adhering to tradition
Magic:
These points can NOT be used for Domain Magic
Devotion:
N/A

Story:
5/5
Collaboration:
5/5
Structure:
5/5

Everything was flowing smoothly until I came to the 5th post in the thread, where you write a paragraph detailed the dagger's history and how it made Sabine feel. Being a completely new audience to your character's story it left me wanting more and I was really hoping you'd give us a more detailed account about the nostalgia and the history of the weapon.
VINCENT
Knowledge:

1. "The 12 Trials of Zi'da": Sabine is more important that gift giving rituals.
2. "The 12 Trials of Zi'da": I was worried and anxious about my gifts.
3. Sabine: Made me laugh for the first time over a book about sailing.
4. Discipline: Precisely timing the details is something to take care of.
5. Cloud: The new kitten we adopted, because I just can't say no to Sabine.
6. Sabine: Gets very emotional over bad memories.
7. Sabine: Gives me anxiety when she is sad.
8. Defender: Some sword Sabine gave me.
9. Seduction: Thinking of a line on the spot. ((The line about every warrior should have a pair of brawling gloves))
10. Sabine: Complains a lot, but I like it anyways.
11. Location: Blackwood Bar
12. Location: The Harpy Inn
13. Location: The Bronze Boar
14. Location: Vincent’s Home (Rharne)
15. Rharne Holiday: The 12 Trials of Zi’da

Loot:
Items gifted by Sabine
Injuries:
N/A
Fame:
+12 Giving Gifts, +1 Adhering to tradition
Magic:
These points can NOT be used for Domain Magic
Devotion:
N/A

Story:
5/5
Collaboration:
5/5
Structure:
5/5

Vincent, I didn't take any points out for structure, but I'd like to point out you misspelled some words throughout the thread (not a big deal for me). You don't explain to us clearly, nor do you weave the explanation into your narrative anything about the cat. A lot of this thread is the nuanced reactions between each other's gifts and the themes/symbology behind each correlative day of the festival. Even if Vincent doesn't think or care about the cat you need to show or tell us. Sabine makes an effort ((in the next post after you don't write her anything on the cat)) to spark you to write narrative about the cat, but you don't mention anything.
busywork for Vincent
I also noticed you forgot some ledger modifications. Please edit your sheet to reflect that, whenever is convinent for you :)

@ Vincent and Sabine
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this seasonal event that Rumor created for the city. I see that no one else ran with the idea... so much kudos for that. :)

It was very interesting to read a thread that I would consider completely romantic (something I havent yet written personally). There wasn't much action or drama, but you both skillfully wove into the narratives the progressive understanding of what each character was experiencing. Thus, most of the knowledge awarded are not specific to a skill, but rather the event you portrayed and intra-character knowledge.

If you have an questions send me a personal message and Ill reply usually in 24 hours! Thanks!
word count: 775
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