Friends and Immortals

Ti and Finn visit Moseke's temple.

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Ti'niva
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"There is no right way to do it." He admitted to his friend, prayer was a personal thing without anz real set guidelines. At least that was the way that Ti understood it, he thought of it as different for every person, it was the emotion and the thought that was put into the prayer that made it correct. He smiled at his friend and took a step away from the wall, it was around time they left. It was a beautiful place to be but there was only so much looking around a person could do. So with the nudge of his friend he began to move towards the exit, his curiosity about the priests was never satisfied. He would probably be left wondering what they were discussing with such fervour for the rest of the trial.

They passed the two statues and Ti nodded his head in respect to both as they passed by, he had not yet prayed to Ymiden in his life, yet he had nothing to ask forgiveness for, yet. He hoped he would never need to seek forgiveness in his life, but he took comfort in knowing that he would be able to pray to him easily if the time ever came. They were soon at the entrance to the temple and Ti turned around one last time to admire the place and give his respect. He nodded one last time smiling and stepping outside.

The cool air immediately attacked his skin, he pulled his coat closer and let out a large amount of breath. The air turned white with each breath and he watched it move in small swirls as the currents and winds moved it around. It was quite beautiful and interesting to look at, but it would not keep him from his friend. "I hope temple gave you good. It is place for all and is always open." He said letting his friend know that if he ever needed to pray he would always be welcome in the temple.
word count: 345
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Finn
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No right way. It sounded logical but offered little guidance to the man who still felt lost. If there was no right way, how could one know that their way was acceptable at least? Was it all individual? Was it all up in the air for worshippers to figure out themselves? Or was it just a community trait inherent to Sev'ryn who appeared to be free of any social constraints, unlike other races? It was hard to tell and Finn followed Ti as they slowly walked away from the sapling, examining his own thoughts.
When they walked past the Immortals' representations, however, his eyes bore into the stone for a moment. Ymiden's statue was still so lifeless and impersonal, it struck Finn with a nonchalance that border with arrogance. Most likely, it was the conflict inside him speaking and he quickly averted his gaze in a resemblance of a pious act. There was no mercy in the sculpture as far as he could see. Perhaps, if he prayed again, harder, he might just convince himself otherwise.
Outside, Finn welcomed the chill. It cleared some clouds from his mind and gave him the prickling feeling on his skin to focus on. The needle bites of cold were just enough to help some of his concerns to subside. With a deep breath, a sigh followed and Finn appeared as if some of the weight was lifted off of his shoulders. Maybe it was not unnatural for someone who was still finding his faith to feel overwhelmed inside sacred places. Finn certainly hoped so, because if he was ever to follow the same path as Telar, he would need to grow accustomed to temples and the almost oppressing atmospheres.
"It did." He lied with a convincing smile on his face. He did not want to let the child down and there was little to suggest that he did not enjoy the expedition. He found the structure spectacular. He welcomed the otherworldly feeling that the temple offered. Yet, he was let down by the lack of emotional response to prayer. Or more accurately, the negative response to it. Neither of which, he wanted Ti to suspect.
"Say Ti, what do you usually pray for?" Finn asked suddenly. He knew it was a personal question but in the light of their fresh, close friendship, Finn hoped it was not too probing.
word count: 405
Favourite quote:
They do not yet understand the purpose of forgiveness. It is not to spare wrongdoers a punishment they deserve. It is to spare the injured ones the ongoing pain they do not.

~ Ymiden
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Ti'niva
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"I pray many thing, most often thanks for animal I hunt." He admitted having not really delved that far into prayer, he had asked for other things in the past but this was the main thing. He also was not going to tell him he prayed for him, he did not want his friend to be upset by it and so he kept it to himself. Instead he stepped down the steps and allowed the cold air to wake him from his tiredness that had come on inside the warm and safe temple. "Prayer can be many thing, for anything. It is strange, me no complete understand." He was not afraid of admitting when he did not know something or his short comings in specific areas.

Ti turned to his friend and smiled, he looked so young then, he always seemed older than his age but when he smiled his young age really did show. No matter how wise he was, how hard he tried to be like an adult or how hard he worked to be adult, deep down he was still a child. Some parts of life brought that out in him, one such thing was his joy and naive happiness and the other was being with other children, but even then he could be rather adult.

But he was sure his father would be waiting for him to return, and even if he wasn't the hunger Ti had developed would drive him home anyway. "I go now Finn, I need be home." He said as he smiled again showing his gratitude for the company the man had provided him with. "We meet again soon." He said as he stepped back and began to turn to leave."Have a good day, goodbye." He said as he began to walk away with a quick wave. he hated to leave his friend but he could not be with him forever, even if he wanted too.
word count: 333
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Avrae Kyric
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A Review by Summer Rain


Name: Ti'niva

Knowledge:
Finn: Is Trying to Find Forgiveness
Finn: Prayed to Ymiden
Finn: You Prayed to Moseke for Him
Ymiden: Immortal of Forgiveness
Moseke: Stone Statues Don't Represent Her Lively Presence Well
Moseke: It's Important to Worship The One That Grants Life
Race: Tunawa
Detection: Picking Up on People's Conflicts
Psychology: Knowing When Best Not to Say Something
Teaching: Guiding a Friend to Religion
Teaching: Teaching by Example

Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: +1 General Good Deed (Prayed to Moseke for Finn)
Devotion:
+5 Devotion to Moseke (Pray within a temple/shrine dedicated to Moseke)

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 4/5
Magic: These Points may NOT be used for Magic

Name: Finn

Knowledge:
Location: Ojọgbọn: Home to Little Green Plant People
Oludïbọ Cïkäkkẹn: Tree Singers of Desnind
Ti'niva: Is Devoted to Moseke
Ti'niva: Prays for the Animals he Hunts
Immortal: Ymiden
Immortal: Moseke
Linguistics: Xanthea: Besryn Means Baby
Ymiden: Is Prayed to For Forgiveness
Ymiden: Praying to Him Helps People Find The Good In Themselves
Religion: Praying Has Power in Healing
Psychology: Forgiveness Can Start with The Compassion of Others

Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: N/A
Devotion: +1 Devotion to Ymiden (Pray to Ymiden)

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 4/5
Magic: These Points may NOT be used for Magic

Comment: Hello Finn, hello Ti'niva! <3 Okay so... I loved this thread. I loved that they went to a shrine, I loved Ti'niva telling Finn about the Besryn tree, I love that they prayed together. It seemed like a perfect moment for their friendship. However, there were a few hiccups. Between both of your posts there quite a few sentences that didn't run too smoothly, and there were enough spelling errors and grammar errors that I had to knock you both down a point for structure. I'm so sorry! For example:

For Ti'niva: "Although not all did it as their connection grew older so did their ability to communicate non verbally, through thought."

^^ This sentence I had to read a few times alone because of the way it flows. I understand what you meant to convey, but perhaps it'd work better if you had worded it, "As their connection grew older, so did their ability to communicate non verbally, through thought.", scrapping the first part. Or perhaps turn it into two sentences: "Although not all did it. As their connection grew older, so did their ability to communicate non verbally, through thought."

and

"He began to wonder what temples in other cities looked like, were they big and made of stone."

^^ Sentences like this one were common. It might be better to word it as, "He began to wonder what temples in other cities looked like, were they big and made of stone?" or in two sentences like, "He began to wonder what temples in other cities looked like. Were they big and made of stone?"

I would just try to be more conscious of how your sentences run. Reread every so often, make sure they flow well.

For Finn:

"An invisible chain in his mind has snapped and whatever it bound before, it was no free. It made Finn feel better. One thing was for sure. Ti did no shy away from him, nor did he rejected Finn for the show of fragility."

or

"The? Beard seemed to be quite handy in these conditions and as Telar said, once they'd get (they got) to Viden, then they'd both be grateful for it."

or

"Could this be...the man for him to adore and worship?"

^^ Much of your problems, Finn, were the result of miss spelled words, or simple things such as wording something the wrong way, or missing a word in a certain spot. I'm sure that this was just a typo and sticky key type of issue, but you also had some problems with the way your sentences flowed.

Most of these issues between the two of you were minor, but it did make your posts a little hard to read because of the flow of them. However, most of these issues occurred in the beginning of the thread, and it flowed much better towards the end, showing improvement.

Other than that, this was a very enjoyable read. I had to think on the knowledges for a bit but I think these are suitable. I also gave +5 devotion to Ti'niva because he prayed to Moseke in her temple, but I could only give +1 to Finn because it was- indeed- Moseke's temple, and not Ymiden's, which only counts for +1. Hope you can forgive me for that. <3 But yes, I loved this thread. I love Finn and Ti'niva and I hope to read their friendship more in the future. Great job, guys! ^_^
word count: 834
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