• Closed • [Venora, Job thread] Shield and Dagger (Atashi)

0th of Cylus 0

The seven Duchies of Central Rynmere and their respective baronies, cities, towns, villages, and landmarks each overseen by a Duke of one of the seven noble families and ultimately controlled by the King of Rynmere.
Malcolm
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Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2016 6:11 am
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[Venora, Job thread] Shield and Dagger (Atashi)

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Kylar


Knowledge:
Tactics: The importance of being prepared
Location: Barracks
Atashi: Enjoys working with you
Atashi: Apologised
Atashi: Has a temper
Shield Combat: Tower shield
Detection: Growling
Detection: A distress cry
Medicine: Applying pressure to wounds
Medicine: Packing a wound to stem the bleeding
Medicine: Wrapping bandages tight enough
Medicine: Cleaning a wound
Running: Sprinting

Loot: 1 gold necklace (thanks for paying in advance)
Injuries: n.a
Fame: +3
Magic: n.a

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 4/5

Atashi


Knowledge:
Strength: Carrying a tower shield
Location: Barracks
Detection: Surveying the scene
Kylar: Fights with daggers
Kylar: Enjoys working with you
Shield Combat: Tower shield
Medicine: Applying pressure to wounds
Medicine: Keeping a wounded person awake
Medicine: Packing a wound to stem the bleeding
Medicine: Wrapping bandages tight enough
Stealth: Difficult to achieve in chainmail
Running: Jogging

Loot: Warhammer (thanks to paying in advance)
Injuries: n.a
Fame: +3
Magic: n.a

Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 4/5

Comment: Okay, so this thread made me giggle a bit. How does an Ithecal walk and fall over? LOL. But in all seriousness, I really enjoyed this thread. You both did really well to tell a nice story and earn some good knowledge without grinding. Kudos. I do have some advice for structure, most importantly… speech!

Every time someone new speaks, start on a new line:
"Sir, there has been a problem. A man has been mauled by a wolf, we need a healer immediately. He's not far from here".
The man told Kylar to wait for a moment while he got the healers, thanking him for his service. After a minute or so, a small group of guards and healers came back. "Show them the way, boy. Take it easy now" the head-guard said, handing Kylar a small cloth to wipe down his face.
After doing so, Kylar thanked him and started jogging alongside the healers and guards. He made a path straight towards where Atashi was waiting with the injured man. When asked, he described the wounds to the healers as they ran. A deep bite mark, one that had caused a lot of bleeding. Straight on the side. When he mentioned that detail, their expressions turned grim.
"You know, few people can recover from that area of injury. In fact, nobody I know has ever recovered from a deep wound there..." a young human boy said. After a short silence.
Kylar spoke up, keeping his gaze forward. "Then by the immortals, make sure this man is the first".

Full-stops go inside of speech-marks:

Kylar spoke up, keeping his gaze forward. "Then by the immortals, make sure this man is the first".

Should be:

Kylar spoke up, keeping his gaze forward. "Then by the immortals, make sure this man is the first.

I know I picked on you a bit there Kylar, but I went with the best example from the thread. Hope the feedback helps. Enjoy the rewards.
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