42nd, Zi'da 723
.
In honour of another Scalvoris end of arc tradition, Kotton had gone out of his way to purchase a few valuable items. He knew he should have used the money to purchase gifts for others, as was the premise of the tradition, but he had already adopted the custom of the day of gifts of knowledge and he was prepared to attend his father’s feast in commemoration of the 43rd. Today was a day that marked relaxation, self reflection and over all respectable hedonism.
Because of the simple fact that Kotton was human (or at least a mixture of a few races with one being human), he was heir to an inherent unsatisfactoriness that wouldn’t leave him. He had begun to explore the more nihilistic and absurdist notions of life and human existence, leaving him with a stream of consciousness worth reflecting on.
The essence of life is suffering, some say. Even Kotton, negative Nancy to the very core found this to be a bit pessimistic if not fallacious. He could recall several occasions where he was filled with joy and excitement. But perhaps it just seemed that way. He paused the unravel the layers of his emotions during a particular scenario involving happiness. Underneath, trapped under the detritus of false hope and noble attempts to conceal his depression was a subtle undercurrent of displeasure. All good times end and it was that observation that plagued him. There were always transitory periods- that was life. People won things and they lost things and the times that aren’t spent winning or losing are spent with the need to protect what has been won and plan for how to receive more of it. It was a cycle, like life and death, and completely necessary to the development and evolution of existence.
Kotton had already begun to write down his mental ramblings, trusty notebook by his side whenever he needed it most.
He understood that he couldn’t get everything he ever wanted. Even working day and night for something did not necessitate excellence. But he also understood that there were options. And one of those options was the ability to control his mind and take a few steps outside the seemingly endless circle of desire and aversion. He just needed to recognise his wants, but retain mastery of them; he needed to view things from a new perch.
Kotton sat criss-crossed on his bedroom floor, carpet cold from lack of heating. In front of him was a box containing the self care items he had recently purchased. He opened the box and withdrew one item at a time, setting it carefully to the side. First was a bar of soap- he wanted to bubble up in his bath; next was a carefully curated piece of fibre soaked in scented oil- a face mask he would don on his face to help cleanse his pores of any debris; finally, he extracted a novella containing basic steps to alternate methods of meditation. He had already tried some, but wanted to expand his practise with ones he hadn’t heard of.
The first thing he did was remove the face mask from its packaging. With nimble fingers, he delicately placed it on his face, noting the holes for the eyes, nose and mouth. It was cold and sent shivers down his sides. Then, he opened the book on meditation and began to read aloud from the first few pages.
There was nothing worth noting, as introductions often went, so Kotton considered the empty lines in his notebook with more of his own considerations.
It all began with finding your identity. Extra-refined was the material aspect of existence for many and it took a toll on the emotional and spiritual aspects. Tangible novelties took priority over experience. Nature was quickly being shunned in place of hardware as was the inevitable outcome of evolution. But it was essential, crucial even, to start within oneself- to declare who someone was without the influence of external stimuli.
It was important to Kotton to see who he was and how he was without any fabrication, or injunction of any kind. He needed to observe his value in current-day society as well as his personal function as a socialite. He had duties and obligations to the folks of the city, and above all, he held responsibility, if even just to himself as a person living among other people.
Concentrating dimming, and in need of alternate attention, the young man stood from his position on the bedroom floor. He journeyed to his living room to procure one of the many candles he owned. Once he had returned to his bedroom, he deposited the candle a metre or so in front of him. He lit it with flint and steel and revered the scent that billowed out from the smoke.
The purpose of meditation was personal transformation. It didn’t rely on external stimulus. Accountability may be a component in becoming self aware, but it wasn’t an integral part. There were two pieces of someone when it came to meditation. Kotton read, ‘The you that goes in and the you that comes out’.
Apparently character changes by a process similar to that of sterilisation. It’s a process that forces someone to become deeply aware of their personal thoughts and actions.
‘Arrogance dissipates and antagonism is met with drought once you establish your character, your individual self. Your mind finds solace in the still and the calm. Life is relinquished of hills and waves that would otherwise through loopholes in any form of self reflection.’
And Kotton was all about reducing tension. At his workplace, at his home, in his mind- all of it. He welcomed the receding of restlessness and encouraged the falling of pieces into delegated places of the puzzle. But it all came with understanding. And acceptance.
Kotton felt the cold of the face mask subside, warmth taking its place. He quickly stood, grasping for the bar of soap and made way for the powder room. Once inside, he manoeuvred the tub’s faucet to produce a steady flow of water. Then, he tossed in the bar of soap and watched with fascination as the water began to bubble.
It could be said that the essence of experience is change. And it was well known that change was no stranger to incessance. Life is fleeting, gone with the wind without ever being replicated. Thoughts would spring up in Kotton’s head and a moment later would vanish. People came into his life only to leave the next minute. It was the same with friends, relatives. Whilst he had only experienced misfortunes lately, they too would disappear and fortunes would take their place. There was only change, even if it was controlled by a temporal loop of slightly different actions and reactions.
But was this so wrong? No. It was the nature of the universe. But every experience, every encounter, every challenge was instinctively perceived as good, bad or neutral. There is always an anticipated mental response, habitual or fixed or other. The good is something to hold onto, the bad something to be let go and admonished, the neutral a mere flake of snow in the wind.
Kotton didn’t want to dwell on the negatives, but in order to remain balanced, he shouldn’t dwell on the positives either. There was the cost of running from pieces of himself, or escaping the points in his life that inevitably created who he was as an individual.
After removing his clothes, the young man stepped into the frothing tub. He lowered himself until only his neck and above were visible against the bubbles.
He wanted to be liberated and concentration was a key component of becoming free. Self-awareness chipped at the wall of illusion, it cut like a knife at the facades of negligence and disregard. He would not ignore the good or the bad or the neutral feelings he underwent during any future experiences. His opinions needed to be unbiased, non judgmental, simply… there. He wanted to be free of negativity, but not confined to positivity, and certainly not in limbo with the so-called ‘compromise’ of neutrality.
The bath water was warm and the bubbles popped cheerfully against his dirty skin. He closed his eyes, cherishing the blissfulness of a good cleansing. Perhaps he was not only cleansing his exterior, but also his interior with all these reflections. That’s what he wanted to do after all, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to ignore his feelings, but embrace them. He didn’t want to neglect his thoughts, but idolise them. It was necessary for him to think about himself every once and awhile, to give time to being with himself, for himself was all he had at the end of the day.
So, how did his day go? What had he felt during it? Why did he feel the way he felt? What could he have done better and how could he do so in the near future?
Kotton prodded at the bubbles in the tub. Pop, pop, pop went some, but others resisted his jabs. To be as resilient as that bubble there- that was the dream. He closed his eyes and subconsciously fanned the warm water up toward his chin.
He did declare that another day of self love was mandatory. He was thankful of the presents he had gifted himself, for a day of gifts of love was a day he would never forget.
Because of the simple fact that Kotton was human (or at least a mixture of a few races with one being human), he was heir to an inherent unsatisfactoriness that wouldn’t leave him. He had begun to explore the more nihilistic and absurdist notions of life and human existence, leaving him with a stream of consciousness worth reflecting on.
The essence of life is suffering, some say. Even Kotton, negative Nancy to the very core found this to be a bit pessimistic if not fallacious. He could recall several occasions where he was filled with joy and excitement. But perhaps it just seemed that way. He paused the unravel the layers of his emotions during a particular scenario involving happiness. Underneath, trapped under the detritus of false hope and noble attempts to conceal his depression was a subtle undercurrent of displeasure. All good times end and it was that observation that plagued him. There were always transitory periods- that was life. People won things and they lost things and the times that aren’t spent winning or losing are spent with the need to protect what has been won and plan for how to receive more of it. It was a cycle, like life and death, and completely necessary to the development and evolution of existence.
Kotton had already begun to write down his mental ramblings, trusty notebook by his side whenever he needed it most.
He understood that he couldn’t get everything he ever wanted. Even working day and night for something did not necessitate excellence. But he also understood that there were options. And one of those options was the ability to control his mind and take a few steps outside the seemingly endless circle of desire and aversion. He just needed to recognise his wants, but retain mastery of them; he needed to view things from a new perch.
Kotton sat criss-crossed on his bedroom floor, carpet cold from lack of heating. In front of him was a box containing the self care items he had recently purchased. He opened the box and withdrew one item at a time, setting it carefully to the side. First was a bar of soap- he wanted to bubble up in his bath; next was a carefully curated piece of fibre soaked in scented oil- a face mask he would don on his face to help cleanse his pores of any debris; finally, he extracted a novella containing basic steps to alternate methods of meditation. He had already tried some, but wanted to expand his practise with ones he hadn’t heard of.
The first thing he did was remove the face mask from its packaging. With nimble fingers, he delicately placed it on his face, noting the holes for the eyes, nose and mouth. It was cold and sent shivers down his sides. Then, he opened the book on meditation and began to read aloud from the first few pages.
There was nothing worth noting, as introductions often went, so Kotton considered the empty lines in his notebook with more of his own considerations.
It all began with finding your identity. Extra-refined was the material aspect of existence for many and it took a toll on the emotional and spiritual aspects. Tangible novelties took priority over experience. Nature was quickly being shunned in place of hardware as was the inevitable outcome of evolution. But it was essential, crucial even, to start within oneself- to declare who someone was without the influence of external stimuli.
It was important to Kotton to see who he was and how he was without any fabrication, or injunction of any kind. He needed to observe his value in current-day society as well as his personal function as a socialite. He had duties and obligations to the folks of the city, and above all, he held responsibility, if even just to himself as a person living among other people.
Concentrating dimming, and in need of alternate attention, the young man stood from his position on the bedroom floor. He journeyed to his living room to procure one of the many candles he owned. Once he had returned to his bedroom, he deposited the candle a metre or so in front of him. He lit it with flint and steel and revered the scent that billowed out from the smoke.
The purpose of meditation was personal transformation. It didn’t rely on external stimulus. Accountability may be a component in becoming self aware, but it wasn’t an integral part. There were two pieces of someone when it came to meditation. Kotton read, ‘The you that goes in and the you that comes out’.
Apparently character changes by a process similar to that of sterilisation. It’s a process that forces someone to become deeply aware of their personal thoughts and actions.
‘Arrogance dissipates and antagonism is met with drought once you establish your character, your individual self. Your mind finds solace in the still and the calm. Life is relinquished of hills and waves that would otherwise through loopholes in any form of self reflection.’
And Kotton was all about reducing tension. At his workplace, at his home, in his mind- all of it. He welcomed the receding of restlessness and encouraged the falling of pieces into delegated places of the puzzle. But it all came with understanding. And acceptance.
Kotton felt the cold of the face mask subside, warmth taking its place. He quickly stood, grasping for the bar of soap and made way for the powder room. Once inside, he manoeuvred the tub’s faucet to produce a steady flow of water. Then, he tossed in the bar of soap and watched with fascination as the water began to bubble.
It could be said that the essence of experience is change. And it was well known that change was no stranger to incessance. Life is fleeting, gone with the wind without ever being replicated. Thoughts would spring up in Kotton’s head and a moment later would vanish. People came into his life only to leave the next minute. It was the same with friends, relatives. Whilst he had only experienced misfortunes lately, they too would disappear and fortunes would take their place. There was only change, even if it was controlled by a temporal loop of slightly different actions and reactions.
But was this so wrong? No. It was the nature of the universe. But every experience, every encounter, every challenge was instinctively perceived as good, bad or neutral. There is always an anticipated mental response, habitual or fixed or other. The good is something to hold onto, the bad something to be let go and admonished, the neutral a mere flake of snow in the wind.
Kotton didn’t want to dwell on the negatives, but in order to remain balanced, he shouldn’t dwell on the positives either. There was the cost of running from pieces of himself, or escaping the points in his life that inevitably created who he was as an individual.
After removing his clothes, the young man stepped into the frothing tub. He lowered himself until only his neck and above were visible against the bubbles.
He wanted to be liberated and concentration was a key component of becoming free. Self-awareness chipped at the wall of illusion, it cut like a knife at the facades of negligence and disregard. He would not ignore the good or the bad or the neutral feelings he underwent during any future experiences. His opinions needed to be unbiased, non judgmental, simply… there. He wanted to be free of negativity, but not confined to positivity, and certainly not in limbo with the so-called ‘compromise’ of neutrality.
The bath water was warm and the bubbles popped cheerfully against his dirty skin. He closed his eyes, cherishing the blissfulness of a good cleansing. Perhaps he was not only cleansing his exterior, but also his interior with all these reflections. That’s what he wanted to do after all, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to ignore his feelings, but embrace them. He didn’t want to neglect his thoughts, but idolise them. It was necessary for him to think about himself every once and awhile, to give time to being with himself, for himself was all he had at the end of the day.
So, how did his day go? What had he felt during it? Why did he feel the way he felt? What could he have done better and how could he do so in the near future?
Kotton prodded at the bubbles in the tub. Pop, pop, pop went some, but others resisted his jabs. To be as resilient as that bubble there- that was the dream. He closed his eyes and subconsciously fanned the warm water up toward his chin.
He did declare that another day of self love was mandatory. He was thankful of the presents he had gifted himself, for a day of gifts of love was a day he would never forget.