• Solo • -‡- Out Hunting -‡-

Coroth is out earning his pay..

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Coroth
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Posts: 172
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:23 pm
Race: Avriel
Profession: Leatherworker/Warrior
Renown: 95
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-‡- Out Hunting -‡-



5th Trial of The Rebirth Cycle 722

-‡- The wind flowed smoothly beneath the sweep of his wings. Each descent of his wings kept him in flight, kept him at an altitude where he could see through the tree tops above, till a clearing passed below him. Twas then he would pull his wings against the winds he would be flying through to go forward. Causing him to stop as each feathered sect fought against the winds, fluttering amongst themselves in rapid continuance until he was able to pull himself up into an angled stance within the air. A few strokes of his wings were needed to keep him hovering whilst he cast his eyes downwards into the opening through trees to the sought earthen ground far below.

Ochroid eyes flickered and rapidly shifted beyond the branches, determining it was wide enough for him to drop through. The expansive bearing of cerulean feathers were folded along his body behind him. The feel of their lightness in weight hindered by the still passing winds that were of a strength to be argued with that day. The same winds that whispered at his ears, and sent annoying gusts against his wings with intent to remind him that he was endowed with magic. Magic that he was of a mind to ignore as much as he could, but had difficulties as he had grown.

In the next few moments, the trees became a blur, as gilded wings were no longer being used to keep him afloat. He dropped as soon as they began to fold behind him. Coroth waited, his attentions drawn to an opening further below where the branches did not fill voids of the area with their canopies. Waited until it was clear enough again to unfurl the majestic length of assembled feathers that would again sweep away from him in the midst of the hasted descent. His fall was stalled and in time allowed him to land more gracefully upon the earthen ground below. Perhaps he was getting better at flying.

As his boots impacted the ground, a thud was felt vibrating through his feet, he had not stopped as gracefully as he had hoped. A jarring at his heels was felt emanating well into his lower legs as they took the brunt of the descents impact. His wings swirled behind him as the pain afflicted his thoughts. Yet in moments the pain would wear off, and he could bring himself to other matters. Matters that had brought himself to this area. To Hunt.

His longbow was unharnessed from the quiver bound upon his back beneath his right wing. The length of feather quilled arrows rose above his shoulder where one was plucked free as the bow itself was allowed to slide through his loosening grip till the pommel of its center was felt through fingers in its passing. A sudden grip then tightened, and held it in place along the lined ridges that were carved into the leather bound grip.

As the bow and arrow came together in front of him, he began to serenely feel himself become one amongst the many trees surrounding him. A stranger amongst the towering sleeping giants. Nor was he there for peace, for he bore a weapon, and had intent to kill one who lived amongst their number. The grass was tall where the clearing was wide enough to walk through. Where the trees had not soaked up all of the water from the land from deep beneath the surface. The green of the land was followed, seeking a path, looking for lengths of the tall thin reeds that might be broken, or stamped upon altogether.

word count: 612
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Coroth
Approved Character
Posts: 172
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:23 pm
Race: Avriel
Profession: Leatherworker/Warrior
Renown: 95
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Wealth Tier: Tier 3

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Re: -‡- Out Hunting -‡-


-‡- Muscles were loosened after a few moments of the serene environment continuing to remain as it was. Nothing jumped out of the bushes upon him, no arrows were streaking through the air to pierce his flesh. Yet, whatever the winds were up to, there was a growing scent of that iron like liquid, blood, that began tainting the air. A careene of his head was drawn upon his shoulders, shifting his gaze along his surroundings till he found what he was looking for. A trampled expanse of grass that led into the shade of the trees beyond. Steps were taken in its' direction, and as he grew closer, his eyes fell upon feint streaks of crimson that stained the lengths of green reeds.

A breath was drawn in as the winds picked up, a soft, lightly flowing drift of the air towards him that he sent elsewhere, to see if it would flow over anyone else nearby, using the banned ability of the Avriels to test if there would be anything to obstruct around and amongst the nearby trees. A held in sigh was released through nostrils above sealed tiers. Then he began trampling upon the reeds along the path he'd discovered, and followed it onwards. His bow was drawn before him, half-pulled along the twine of it's string so the arrow had but a shredding of a breath to be aimed and loosed if something came upon him. It seemed ideal for him to be ready, he was already alert, and a tinge of fear began to coat the beating of his heart with a tightening build of pressure. He'd been in pain too often recently to want to seek the feel of it again.

It was after several moments passed, when he had circled around a few distancing trees, that sounds could be overheard beyond, rustling of fallen limbs and the crackling of dried leaves. The wind drifted towards him from where he heard such noise. Upon it was the odor of something with fur, something that had not bathed in some time, something familiar to him, perhaps something he had killed before. Stalking onwards, he lowered himself towards the sparsity of the reeds that grew along the ground where the roots of the trees did not. He peered around another wide base of a tree as he grew closer and closer. Still, it was heard, but not seen, another tree was approached, his bow being aimed where his gaze was concentrating upon, in that one particular direction, ahead of him.

Then, as he sidestepped around the tree, the furred creature was discerned, it was just a boar. Yet, it was feeding on something, or someone. Bared humanoid limbs were sprawled outwards near a tree. The boar was making rather disgusting, ill-mannered of noises as it chewed, ate, and burped as it had its fill of such an abundance of meat, flesh, and blood that day. Narrowing eyes sealed lower along those ochroid depths as he stared at the beast. A twitch of his lower tier flickered as he aimed more seriously, concentrating upon his mark, the distance and whether he would need to adjust the height of the arrow to reach it.

From within, he chided with the winds, waiting until they swirled unseen through the air and bid them to leave, and keep the distance between he and his target as still as possible. When he felt it obliging him such, the arrow was loosed. It streaked through the air with a whiz of sound that instantly brought the boars head upwards in curiosity. The dumbstruck creature was still chewing upon what it was feasting upon when it looked behind it, and at the length of carved wood that penetrated its hide and buried itself through one of its ribs that snapped as luck struck the archer, and it delved deeply into the creatures internals. The boar reflexively tried to get away from it, stumbling upon its hooved feet before it skittered to the side too late. The impaled shaft caused it to rely on three legs as it entered a state of panic, and made to escape.

The hunter was already of a mind to reach for another arrow when the first was released. Why rely on only one? Tales were told by other hunters that boards were a most strong and dangerous creature to hunt. If it found you first, you could lose your leg by its tusks, or worse. Coroth was lucky, he had snuck up upon it whilst it was feeding, and had already caused it a greivous injury. As his second arrow was knocked, his alertness, and rush of blood seething through his scrawny muscles caused him to be a shade of clumsy as he set the arrow on the notch above his gripping fist beyond. It set into place as he silently cursed himself and his inate ability to even load a bow with a steady hand. After another moment, he was successful, and the arrows metal tip was drawn upwards to his eye to set an aim. The stumbling boar could get away if it truly sought to, or had time to do so. As his aim entered a state of confidence by his mind, he loosed the arrow with a pluck of his fingers now beside his ear. The second shaft raced through the air, yet the boar was wailing, and flipped over away from the first arrow still lodged inside of it, the second thus flew over it to skid and scatter leaves on the earthen ground beyond.


Coroths eyes stemmed with anger that he had missed. Narrowing with a decision to be made, he set his bow against the nearby tree before he raced towards it. He reached behind him to the harness bearing his short spear, the length of it was spun from behind and below to be caught by his other hand. The length of it was moved into a grip so that he held onto the near base and middle of it, then charged at the boar. His breaths grew tense and heavy as he ran, when he reached it, he was attempted to finish it off with a thrust from the spear, but he pulled back before he could reach it. Snapping hooves were bucked at him in the boards struggle to stay alive. He chided himself to circle around the beast that was still finding ways to fight for its life. The euphoricly sharp snapping of his wings outwards pulled him upwards from the ground, and backwards with a pull of his wings. Landing a few feet away from the beast as tried again to take out one of Coroths legs with the bone of it's hooves. As he circled it, he moved in quick to strike a second time with his spear, but missed. So close to the beast, he was perhaps still fearful of it, and sent not enough strength into the blow to do more than graze the thick hide upon it.

Breaths were blown through his lips, as if to pump himself up as he prepared himself. The boar seemed to settle some, perhaps it was losing blood. Maybe the lodged arrow had been torn into one of its organs whilst it struggled in such a maddened state. The opportunity presented itself, his fear dissolved. Fists clenched upon the shaft where they held it, and lunged the spears tip into the gut below the ribs where flesh was softer, and its guts could be skewered. When he hit, the drive of his spear into hide and meat greeted him with a most reveling surge of a rush as his fears were conquered for the day. Blood began pouring out of the wound where the spear jutted from the now dying beast. A few last dismal kicks convulsed along it's legs before it grew still.

Then, something flicked into his mind, what was it feeding upon? Curiously, his head turned his avriel features towards the corpse at the base of the tree. Cautiously, he approached it..and discerned that it was an avriel..one who had suffered from the conflicts of the plague.

word count: 1372
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Doran
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Re: -‡- Out Hunting -‡-

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Coroth:

Knowledge:
-Flying: Wait till you are below the canopy of trees to unfold your wings to land amongst trees.
-Flying: Clearings are useful in forests to descend to the ground below.
-Combat (Ranged): It is faster to grip your bow if you pass it through fingers till the grip is felt upon unharnessing it
-Tactics: When hunting, it is better to keep the bow before you, near enough to aim with, and the arrow pulled back far enough that it will be ready to pull and loose when needed.
-Hunting: - find your prey while it is feeding, it will be distracted, and give you an advantage.

Loot: Boars corpse i.e, pelt, meat, tusks.
Lost: -
Wealth: -
Injuries: -
Renown: -
Magic XP: -
Skill Review: See below.
Points: 10
- - -
Comments: I’m impressed by the detail in which you described Coroth flying. I could almost see him descending, finding an opening in the trees and landing, in spite of the wind that seemed strong that trial. I also appreciate that you mentioned how his being a Defier affects things.

There was something quite atmospheric about the description of Coroth moving towards his prey. Once again, I enjoyed all the little details that you included, such as the sights and smells around Coroth. The boar and the scene where Coroth fired at it were well-written in my opinion.

The way that you ended the thread was exciting. I thought that the boar had just been feeding on some kind of animal, but no, it was an Avriel that had been affected by the plague. I wonder what happened, and I hope that you’ll write a sequel sometime. I want to read more!

With that being said, there are a few issues.

First of all, this thread takes place on the “5th Trial of The Rebirth Cycle 722”. Can you mention the season, please? Does this thread take place in Cylus or Ashan?

I also noticed that you fixed the date of the previous thread that I reviewed. Thank you for that. Please do not edit a thread after it has been reviewed in the future though, at least not without contacting the reviewer beforehand.

Secondly, you listed your skills like that in the review request:
Combat:Ranged/bow -39, Combat Spear 25, Detection 4, Hunting 11, Magic Defiance 27, Stealth 5, Flying 35, Tactics 13
Could you mention your skill levels (Competent Ranged, Novice Detection, …) in the future, please?

Thirdly, I decided not to award you the following knowledge:

-Detection: It is best to look upon an opening in the trees canopy before diving into them to ensure you will fit. And that there is an opening beneath the canopy.

It is more or less a duplicate of the “Flying: Clearings are useful in forests to descend to the ground below.” knowledge that you requested as well (See this ticket regarding requesting duplicate knowledges.)

There were also several occasions of skill overplay:

You overplayed Coroth’s Flying skill in my opinion. Your description wasn’t always clear to me, but it sounds as if the wind was pretty strong that trial. Besides, Coroth folded his wings at one point, dropped, unfurled his wings again and landed “more gracefully”. On the Wiki page for the Flying skill it says that powerful winds can still be a problem. The way that Coroth descended – on a trial when the wind is strong, at that – makes me think of someone with more than Competent Flying.

You also overplayed Coroth’s Meditation skill. The following sentence makes me think of someone who is experienced in Meditation:
As the bow and arrow came together in front of him, he began to serenely feel himself become one amongst the many trees surrounding him.
Coroth has 0 points in Meditation.

Furthermore, you overplayed Coroth’s Detection skill. He was capable of noticing the scent of blood that tainted the air, for example, even though he only has 4 points in Detection.

There was also some Hunting overplay in my opinin as he followed the path to the boar and seemed like a rather experienced hunter at Novice Hunting in general. Coroth does have Competent Ranged though, and he had to shoot several times in order to finally kill the boar.

This is not the first time you’ve overplayed Coroth’s skill. There were at least three more occasions of skill overplay in the last ten reviewed threads that I could find:

viewtopic.php?p=184800#p184800
viewtopic.php?p=144264#p144264
viewtopic.php?f=62&t=21143&p=139590#p139590

As per the Peer Reviewer Guide this is Step 2 and the final step before a warning is given.

Finally, you requested 1 WP for the meat that will be sold later on. You cannot request additional WP until you’ve done a Wealth Thread. For that reason, I haven’t given you the WP.

If you disagree with my review, or have questions, you are of course welcome to PM me. However, in light of this ticket , if you feel that you would rather go directly to the PSF, please do so.

P.S.: I would have added "Meditation" to the list of skills used in the review request.
word count: 872

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