• Memory • The other Geey

Sirothelle rests near the Heart of the World, one of the largest active volcano known in Idalos. Within the walls of this city resides the Aukarians, a race known for its treachery and murderous intent. Stone is a main component in the construction of most of the buildings in this city as the Aukari have a habit of burning down towns with their fire. Almost everything is made of stone, even their house, room, and beds. Most travelers do not come here, whether out of fear, hatred, or both. If an adventurer had the courage to step foot within Sirothelle, they can expect not to be greeted kindly, if at all.
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Nauta F'mos Geey
Posts: 374
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:56 am
Race: Aukari
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The other Geey

Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:37 am

53 Ymiden 705


"If you think this is bad you should look at the other guy."

That of course was the answer Nauta gave his mother when she questioned him about the new injuries he came home with. Minor as they are with his mother easily being able to treat him using the usual things found around the house she still remained worried about how the earlier fight might have affected her son. Nauta on the other hand did not share the same concerns she had. Even as she was trying to express her worries he was happily describing the event, ignoring any attempts of her trying to avert their focus on that specific topic.

And once Nauta had all his dressings on which he would end up proudly displaying like they were some sort of medal to glorify his triumph he was off to reward himself with whatever he had believed a champion like himself should be rewarded with. There would be consequences to what had happened but Nauta didn't know it yet and was much too busy fixing something up for himself. The young Nauta may not be as culinarily gifted as his mother would have wanted him to be but he was at least off to a good start in being able to make those things he wants at the time.

With his mother always making sure she had one of the more well stocked selections in Sirothelle, Nauta's task was easy. Of course he was going to go with his favorite fruit, an apple but an apple alone wouldn't be enough for the child. While he wouldn't know how to make the rest of the ingredients on his own his mother did and had at the same time labeled them nicely in their containers. Hands quickly moving to grab powders and solutions and putting them into his bowl without any proper method because as far as Nauta was concerned the more the, better tasting, he added more and more until the result...the result was a mess of things and colours. Nothing like one would expect from something made primarily of fruits which were a staple in Sirothelle and additions like the honey and cinnamons Nauta added in.

But "yummmmmmm" they were good and Nauta couldn't get enough of the sweetness. However he never would have the chance to finish it because halfway through the other Geey returned home and after a brief conversation with his wife, a conversation Nauta was too busy to try listening in on, he rushed up to the boy who was still savoring his treat. Nauta, still enjoying himself and oblivious to the current situation attempted to boast to his father about his accomplishments of the day until the other man just blew up and Nauta knew he messed up. Even he knew at his young age that keeping oneself cool in Sirothelle is more than something emotional, it was survival.

Which was why the man was so worked up at the 'brat' because those injuries he was so proud of? They could have added to any probability of his mother erupting like he was yelling out in his anger. That was as much as Nauta could take from it as he was trying to get away not knowing what was going to happen to him. Fortunately being nimble was something all Aukari grow into and Nauta after slowly putting his bowl down whether in an attempt to not get into more trouble should he break it or just give his father a false sense of submission quickly got on his feet and hopped over his chair hoping to use it as an obstacle between him and his father.

It was a good idea when he thought about it but in that brief moment trying to get over it Nauta could feel the chair shaking, unable to bear the sudden and drastic weight on it. While Nauta was able to get over it alright he stumbled attempting to maintain his balance to land on his feet and Nauta wasn't the only Aukari there. His father being an Aukari far longer than the boy had a chance with Nauta interrupted by the chair being structurally unsound which was more than enough for his father to display his own nimbleness when the man latched on to the boy's arm just before it could leave the chair and started yelling a lot more.

Not for his lack of trying, Nauta just could not escape as he found those ingredients he was handling earlier was still stuck on him having not been cleaned which easily allowed his father's grip to find purchase on his arm. Trust his laziness to get at him this way, he would have to remember this in the future but now he was going to have to escape. He tugged at his arm which still stuck fast until his father twisted it around and about forcing Nauta forward. It was not the first time Nauta found himself in this situation and even as he tried to escape as he did so many times in the past by trying to get his arm loose, he knew this was it. In the position he was in he was under his father's full control.
Last edited by Nauta F'mos Geey on Thu Jan 11, 2018 6:17 pm, edited 6 times in total. word count: 889
But I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs.
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Nauta F'mos Geey
Posts: 374
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:56 am
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The other Geey

Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:37 am

There was no telling which was worse. The pain on his arm which forced him forward or the continuous droning of his father in his ears. While the one was always able to distract him from the other, both equally irked Nauta as his attention constantly slipped back and forth between them. If it wasn't for the two Nauta would have probably tried to figure out where it is his father was taking him out of the house this late in the day but then again trying that would have surely resulted in failure. As it is obvious, Nauta's father had been an Aukari for far longer than his son had been and that also meant he was a lot more familiar with Sirothelle than Nauta was, despite having been in many battles away from the city.

With some light still out Nauta finally reached their destination and none too soon as he felt his arm was almost going to be crushed from the way his father was treating it. He was shoved to the ground, in a place he was unfamiliar with and uncomfortable being at with those buildings which seemed devoid of any other people or at least people who might stop his father from doing the worst. With his father's earlier display of emotions Nauta couldn't even begin to predict what the man would do and whether him being forced somewhere in Sirothelle was the extent of the violence he would experience this day and...

Nauta certainly did not expect his father to break down about his worries for Nauta's mother. About what he'd do without her and some other things along those lines as well as a little more explanation about what Nauta actions on that day could have meant if he had already not picked that up during the man's earlier outburst. It was with this that Nauta assumed that his father brought him to this secluded location. To be able to let it all out without any other eyes in Sirothelle which may perceive his weakness but as he would find out, that was not the only reason. Despite his reputation and what some may call his talent, Nauta's father knew that some fights were inevitable and today he decided that he would have to teach his son something new.

Because if Nauta was going to get into more trouble and come home with more injuries it would be better for the Geeys that those injuries weren't visible to Nauta's mother or at least not be too serious that it would worry her as Nauta's father explained to him. Nauta wasn't going to be as lucky as he was today because while the boy believed he did good in that fight, his retelling of it to his mother who then passed it on to his father made his father believe his son was lacking in any skills and would be better off following in his footsteps. Literally. As the Geeys would escape from conflict time and time again but not today.

At his father's instruction Nauta stood still before him exposing those spots where he was injured earlier. That was the problem as he learned. He exposed it all and his father explained again that he should exposing only those spots where he could afford to get hit or... *wham!* He'd get hit. Which meant yet another injury his mother would see. Again Nauta was told to stand still and it was obvious he was hesitant. He didn't want to get hit again, it'd hurt and he quickly dived out of the way trying to avoid his father's obvious next punch. There was no reason to waste time thinking it through.

But all in good time for Nauta according to his father as the son had just skipped a part of the lesson. Nauta needed to get used to getting hit. To get hit in places where he knew he could get hit. Nauta being reluctant needed some assistance from his father who was teaching him and from the lesson he followed. Trying to not think about getting hit. Putting his mind to something else. Something... natural, like his breathing. Following his instructions Nauta tried his best to control his breathing until it was regularish and before he could ask his father if he was doing it right, he was hit again. The wind knocked out of him. This continued over and over again. The standing. The waiting. The attempts to ignore the inevitable. The breathing and then getting hit.
Last edited by Nauta F'mos Geey on Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 773
But I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs.
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Nauta F'mos Geey
Posts: 374
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:56 am
Race: Aukari
Profession: Chefling
Renown: +219
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The other Geey

Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:38 am

But it was not over. Not yet despite Nauta getting used to composing himself. To try and ignore the pain because it would keep coming. It was time for the next lesson since he already learned the previous one well enough with his body. It was obvious what his father thought. That this was all because Nauta so foolishly tried to show off his hurts to his mother as the man kept asking about how he was going to show off these new injuries of his. Nauta remained silent not knowing what the correct answer was and grudgingly got himself ready for what was to come.

And this time, he was not supposed to shut his eyes. That was stupid, Nauta felt. How was he going to do all that his father told him to when he was also going to worry about seeing the fist come at him? But that was the point. Nauta needed to see when the fist was coming at him just as he did when he dodged his father's blow earlier prematurely. Nauta's father corrected his assumption. Nauta still wasn't going to avoid the blows entirely. He was going to have to watch. To see where they were headed to and then move himself accordingly so that it would hit something else. This exercise, his father explained would all be for nothing if Nauta just dodges everything which came at him even if he could after his father had put him through so much strenuous "training" already.

If Nauta was being entirely honest he would have told his father right there and then that it would be impossible for him to do that. To do all that in the worn out state he was in but he stilled his tongue like he did his body. The fire in him is still building up as it has been ever since this ordeal had started but much to Nauta's surprise ever since his father had told him that method of composing himself he has been holding it well enough to last a lot longer. It was still the unpleasant experience and it was only going to be a lot worse now. His father ignored the change in his expression which reflected what feelings the boy had when he was thinking this and the man only told his son to get ready to start all over again.

Which Nauta did. Initially he shut his eyes again, trying to ignore the pain, his father and the fire building up inside of him. His father was yelling for him to open his eyes but Nauta persisted at least for the moment, doing his best to prepare himself. He would never reach the level of preparedness he would have wanted because as much as he tried to block it out his father's yelling was still worrisome and so he opened and stood still. Waiting for what was to come. His eyes were trained on his father and then to the mans fist which Nauta then found himself breathing hard. That wouldn't do. Even with all his preparations he still couldn't do anything. The anticipation was horrible to the boy, to say the least. He found himself unable to focus any longer

Of course that was when the punch came. Completely unprepared Nauta took it right at the chest and went down in shock. He didn't want to do it anymore but obeyed. As his father said Nauta was not going home until he learned what the man wanted to teach him. They started from the top, Nauta now better prepared and when the next punch came from him all those things his father told him started running through his head. His focus ruined once more and came with the same result. Nauta on the ground. Hurt. But he knew now what he had to do. He remembered what he felt and knew he could do it again and better. He stood up. Composed himself and readied himself for yet another blow.

The exercise continued with punch after punch from the man who called himself Nauta's father but as it went on Nauta improved, being able to do what his father wanted him to do. At first he could only keep himself from falling after taking a few punches. Then it went on to Nauta finally being able to divert those punches to those spots his father told him he could afford to take it at, slowly towards his side like the shoulder, ribs and arms. Nauta kind of understood where his father was getting at but that didn't mean the blows didn't hurt any less and when that one blow hit that spot in his arm again he leaned forward to take, Nauta just couldn't take the pain anymore and held out his hand to let his father know they had to...

"Stop! Stop! I get it now. I'm done."
word count: 832
But I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs.
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Nauta F'mos Geey
Posts: 374
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:56 am
Race: Aukari
Profession: Chefling
Renown: +219
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The other Geey

Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:38 am

As proud as Nauta's father was with his son's progress they could not end until they were done with one more thing which Nauta's current physical state could only make possible. The man did his best to explain. He didn't like doing this to Nauta but it had to be done and so, he only had one day and it was this day to pass on to Nauta everything he wanted to. After that, it was all up to Nauta to make sure he took to what he had learned. So, when the man pulled out his dagger, he without any ceremony tried his best to express to his son that he too was quite thankful that he was only going to do this for a day. Just like his father had to him before when he was a child. There was of course a reason why the Geeys had 'that' reputation lingering about them.

The last thing to teach Nauta with this exercise, the same thing only, with a blade and because the youth was so tired, his body would be able to learn it better.

While the explanation of Nauta's father made sense, that Nauta would be more reluctant to get hit if it would result in blood and blood is a lot more obvious compared to those bruises Nauta was so proud of earlier. It did not make Nauta any more enthusiastic about the idea. Not even that this exercise will lead to Nauta knowing about one of the Aukari's more subtle yet stronger weapons at their disposal. He was tired and attempted to bargain asking "alright, I'll try this once whether or not we get it right" because he wasn't confident that he would reach the level his father wanted. "...twice?" he asked again trying to appeal to his father but failing that "when I get too tired?" which would be a lot more better than waiting until he succeeds.

A deal was struck, Nauta somehow appealing to his father's paternal instincts rather than any requirement of giving his all like that which would be expected in the Sirothelle military. However knowing that he would have an easier time out of it and knowing that he would actually be practicing with an actual blade were two completely different things which were affecting him. Keeping him in turmoil. Yes he was doing his best to maintain his breathing but his was haggard. Again doing his best to divert his attention did nothing as his eyes were being drawn to the blade as it has been to his father's fist earlier. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to get hurt?

His father took a cut at Nauta and Nauta, a child still being unable to comprehend this dived out of the way as all people would have and attempted to hide. Not taking it lightly his father grabbed him again and stood him up, telling him that it wouldn't do before forcing him to start all over again. Nauta tried to close his eyes to compose himself and felt a sharp pain stinging his face. Not a cut but a slap. His father was not going to give him the same opportunity as he did earlier. Not when the situation was that much more dangerous. There was nothing else to do but stand and wait. To wait for the blade. To act against everything his instincts were telling him to do. To run away and abandon this nonsense entirely but fear for his father made him stay.

Repetitively, alternating, inhaling, exhaling and then *wheezeeeee* Nauta was caught unprepared once more and a gash was at his chest. It was a superficial cut of course, his father couldn't afford to let his son get that hurt but all the same Nauta squealed until his father smacked him again to get him out of it and then they waited. Waited for Nauta to finally do what his father told him to. To calm himself and breathe. A few more moments. Another cut. A few more attempts. More cuts. And then finally. Nauta got it. Somehow. His father sent another slice his way towards the body, Nauta leaned forwards. A little to the side. His arm exposed but it was all fat that got it. A little more blood, but not so much.

And Nauta was done. The blood, they indicated his failings and accomplishments in the exercise. That he was getting the idea. To be able to sacrifice to protect. Of course Nauta would need more practice but his father would not do anymore. Like his son, the entire ordeal was getting to the man and he too felt like he was going to erupt but he would not show it to the boy. He shared one more thing to his son. That all that blood all over him were not a sign of his weakness but a weapon for the Aukari blood could hurt others. That one day Nauta like himself could make every cut the enemy gives into yet another weapon which can be turned against them. Then the man went away, telling Nauta to compose himself and then to tend to his wounds before his mother can see them.
Last edited by Nauta F'mos Geey on Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:53 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 889
But I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs.
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Nauta F'mos Geey
Posts: 374
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:56 am
Race: Aukari
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The other Geey

Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:39 am

How long was it for Nauta, just sitting there. Waiting. At least the silence in that secluded spot was company enough for him. It did not interrupt him or distract him. Now that he was alone without his father constantly pushing him to do more he could feel everything. The pain in his body, the little bits of blood dripping down but yet it was more at peace than he had been since the entire 'teaching' session by his father began. It was getting dark but Nauta didn't know it. His eyes were shut. He didn't want to see the blood in fear that it might make him lose control again. The fire which had been building was still there, but at least it was not as wild as it was before.

He waited a little longer. Breathing like his father told him too. Trying to get the regular rhythm going and so to distract himself from the pain and the discomfort. His eyes opened for a peek when he felt he was ready and caught sight of a little more blood and he started breathing hard. He still couldn't take it and the fire started building again so he quickly shut his eyes and started again. The next time, the second time he got a little smarter. While the blood had caked he could still feel the discomfort they brought him and he started rubbing his hands blindly all over, hoping that by doing enough he would no longer be affected by them.

And again he opened. Some blood was still there but he was better. He found himself still in control of himself, his breathing, the fire within. And then he took a look around. Tried to bring some familiarity to himself. To make sure that everything was alright. He saw everything again, at least as much as the dim light would allow him to and then Nauta stood up, brushed himself off and slowly made his way home. Or at least the way he thought was home. Fortunately his father didn't bring him to any unfamiliar ground and to his surprise Nauta was able to get home quickly but before he could open the door he remembered what his father said. The trigger to the day's horrible event and went around.

Finding that there was no lights and therefore concluding that his mother probably wasn't around at that time, Nauta quietly opened the door and snuck into the house slowly closing the door behind him. *Click* Hopefully even if his mother was still around she wouldn't have heard that. He was quite grateful that the pain he was experiencing did not interrupt his movements. That despite having to make the effort to make minimal noise the slow and reduced movements he was making did not allow for the pain in his wounds to affect him much. Slowly Nauta made his way back into the kitchen, his feet dragging at times making a barely audible brushing noise but when he arrived he was satisfied his mother truly was not in the house and abandoned all other need to move quietly.

Hoping his mother had kept everything in the same spot, Nauta opened the closet where she took out the items to treat him earlier. It was not often Nauta got hurt but being a boy he was hurt often enough through the usual tomfoolery that a child his age would get into. While he didn't know what exactly his mother had used he was familiar with the smells and colours of what she had used. It was a sickly yellow like the person it was about to treat and it smelled like some sort of stinging heat. That was the right one. Grabbing the container, Nauta made a grab for the other bandages and cloths before rushing off into his room in case his mother might return at the wrong time.

Tired and wanting to do nothing else but rest Nauta hurriedly applied the salve, bit by bit and trying to ignore each time it stung him in his wounds but he wasn't done yet. Another messy attempt at wrapping the bandages around him and he had hoped he was done with it all. That was the extent he could do and if anything else, the next day he would have to hope his father was in a better mood and if not remind him of the man's desire to not get his wife worried to force him into making sure that Nauta was treated, at least treated better than a tired boy would do on his own when he barely knew what he was doing himself.

And then without even bothering to clear everything up, Nauta allowed himself to sleep and rest.
word count: 805
But I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs.
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The other Geey

Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:46 am

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Nauta F’mos Geey


Peer Review

Story: 4/5
Collaboration: 0/5
Structure: 3/5


Awarded Knowledge

Aukari: Controlled Emotions
Aukari: Controlling the Fire
Combat: Do Not Expose Yourself
Combat: Using Obstacles
Cooking: Fruit Salad
Meditation: Breathing Slowly
Meditation: Controlling Rhythm
Meditation: Distracts from Pain


Extras
Loot & Losses [/color]xxxxxx Injuries
Bruising: healed within a week [/color]xxxxxx None
Comments

I found this a bit of a struggle to read. Your sentences, in some cases, were too long. In the first post alone, I counted a good number of them which were over 45. The brain is sort of programmed to breathe in time with what you are reading, and when I don’t breathe, it makes reading harder. I suggest you read over your work in future, just to get a better feel of what your reader is thinking from a macro level. You also switch tense a couple of times during the action.

Possibly for the reason above I struggles to keep up with what was actually happening, and the story felt jolted as I continued through. I feel like.. I’m not really sure what Nauta’s father was trying to accomplish here. Something about not showing off injuries to his mother but I’m not sure? However it was interesting to learn about Nauta some more :) and get to see his side of things.


As you can see, I have provided feedback and reasoning behind my review. If you have any questions, comments or criticism about your review, feel free to send me a PM and we can discuss it.
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