- Pig Boy
- City Moderator
- Posts: 5916
- Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:54 pm
- Race: Prophet
- Profession: Rharne City Moderator
- Renown: 666
- Point Bank Thread
- Wealth Tier: Tier 1
Player Name: Goku
Points awarded: 10
Magic xp: none
Knowledge: Non-lucid dream.
Wealth Points: N/A
Skill Review: All Skills used appropriately to PC's level
I feel like some sections of the story were explained over, without much actual detail or action. While that sort of style of writing helps when setting context for a story, it's not as effective at describing an action scene. For instance, where you could've described more action you kind of explained over and were rather vague:
"Oh the bandits fought hard but Goku had the strength to outmatch them coupled with his sword skills to match even their best combatants. Goku had scouted the bandit’s movements for the past few weeks so he knew their heavy hitters were several day’s journey away. The only thing he wasn’t prepared to deal with was a particularly witty archer that managed to embed two arrows in his calf and graze his shoulder. Goku felt a fool for saving him until last but took pleasure in finishing the archer off with a fell swoop of his blade. He had to give the guy some respect for having the ability to hit him and not his friends. It brought him sorrow to know that such talent was wasted on acts of evil. Silence fell on Goku’s ears then which told him that nobody was left that was willing to take him on."
Still, it was a good effort overall that was able to retain my interest throughout. Good job.
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns regarding this review, feel free to PM. Enjoy your rewards!
word count: 366
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