Twarthog Strikes Back

Once an isolated and dying township, an influx of academics, adventurers and thrill seekers have made Scalvoris Town their home. From scholars' tea shops to a new satellite campus for Viden Academy, this is an exciting place to visit or make your home!

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Goku
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Twarthog Strikes Back

Ashan 6 721

Author's note: this creature is used viewtopic.php?f=292&t=4919&start=30#p56196

Goku was pulled by his neighbor by the hand, so he had no choice but to follow suit. For some odd reason however, the neighbor’s singing caused his head to bob in tune. The curious hybrid didn’t understand the lyrics. His body was really got caught by the song. He was being led around to an unfamiliar part of town because his neighbor Amelia said she had something to show him that he might find interest in. Soon, they faced an enormous tree. Goku, who was somewhat getting accustomed with this area, remained still. He needed to keep his free hand over his eyes though, since the presence of the bright sunlight was kind of annoying for him. It was too bright because he had been sleeping not too long before. He was still in his sleeping clothes. “Why did I open the door? Oh right, she banged on it for five minutes straight nonstop.” He thought. Amelia then started asking things, which sadly, he didn’t, understand. He wasn’t paying attention. His blank eyes were staring at one of the branches of the tree.

“What am I supposed to be looking at?” he asked. If he had woken up early just to look at a tree he was going to get mad quickly. Now that he thought about it, Amelia had a habit of bringing his attention to the most trivial of things. One time it had been to see some eggs in a tree, and another time she just wanted to go on a morning walk with him. Annoying, that’s what she was in Goku’s eyes.

“What do you mean? Is it not obvious?” Amelia asked flabbergasted that Goku was not looking at the massive hog that was tied to the tree. “Look harder. Maybe start at the bottom of the tree instead of the branches.”

Goku followed the tree trunk down with his eyes. He tried to spot anything out of the ordinary but all he saw was a big tree. Then he finally saw the hog that was tied to the tree. “Oh. You brought me here to look at what you’re having for dinner?”

Amelia chuckled light heartedly. “No silly, it’s not a regular hog, it’s a clever one. I forget exactly what they’re called but they’re pretty common. My father finally caught one. They’re smart enough to avoid normal traps so it’s quite something that he was able to capture it at all. It is a shame that it wore itself out trying to escape. They usually have a lot more energy when they’re threatened but this one looks to have expended all its energy already.”

Goku had to look even closer at the hog to see that it was covered in injuries. It also was hardly breathing. The only way Goku knew it was alive was because it made a strange sound every so often and twitched its head. “Thanks for showing this to me,” Goku said, “but I really have got to be going back home. I’m supposed to be learning how to write better.”

“Won’t you stay? Practice writing here instead… I thought you loved pork.” Amelia liked Goku in a special way. She had heard that the best way to a man’s heart was through his stomach so this was her latest attempt at wooing him.

Goku had no interest in Amelia when he had so many other things to worry about in his life especially since he had started studying under his mentor Roshi. He could not deny a free lunch though. “Sure I will stay.”

Amelia fetched the both of them some writing tools. Some pens and paper were all they needed. Amelia made her best attempt to draw the hog while Goku spent his time writing down runes. He knew that the runes were able to grant a lot of power if he kept working at them. They had been very lackluster so far. The few times he had gotten them right in practice had given very mediocre results. One of his biggest problems was taking so long and being prone to distraction so he had been tasked with writing the runes down over and over. Doing it from memory was the most important part because he would not always have a reference image for the rune he wanted to scribe.

“What is that funny symbol you keep writing?” Amelia asked

“It’s just a rune. I’m trying to get better at writing it.” Goku said.

“A rune? What is that?” she asked.

Goku frustratedly scribbled over half the page because her distraction was making it hard to work. He did his best to respond but every time Amelia asked another question he kept messing up. Focusing on doing two things at once that required focus was difficult. His head started to hurt after just a minute of trying to handle it all. It got to the point where had to say, “can you please shut it? I have to focus and I can’t do that with all your questions.” He then furiously wrote down the rune a handful more times before his temper died down. Amelia looked sad now, not that he would notice because he still had to write a whole other half page of runes down before he could confidently say he had done his fair share of home work.

“I bet the hog cares more about me than you do,” Amelia said to Goku. She got up and went over to show the animal her drawing.

Goku looked up and asked, “huh? Do you think it’s safe to get close to it? You said they were aggressive.”

“Look at him he’s pretty much dead already. My drawing will make him happy I’m sure of it.” Amelia smiled and looked back at Goku.

The boar, who was seemingly sleeping with its head faced away from both of them, suddenly sprung to life. It squealed and kicked amelia so hard that she rolled off to the side. The boar had been acting all this time. While its captors thought it was down for the count it had been slowly slicing through the rope that held it in place with its sharp tusks. It used its element of surprise to make a break for it. It then took off into the busy town causing quite a bit of mayhem.

Goku blinked. He could not believe his eyes. He would not soon forget about what these smart hogs were capable of. The noise caused Amelia’s parents to come out and question what in the world was going on. They saw their daughter lying on the ground injured and the cut rope and Goku sitting on the ground still in shock.

The mother pulled Amelia aside and started assessing her injuries. The father came to ask Goku if he was alright.

“Yes, I’m fine. The boar looked near death one moment and it escaped in an instant. How is that even possible?” Goku asked.

“It’s a special kind of hog called a twarthog and I told Amelia to stay away from it. I’m surprised that it got away though. It’s a shame.” The father looked down the street to see that the hog had already been put out of its misery. “well it’s all over now. I think it’s best you get going. I’m going to have to deal with a lot of unhappy people and Amelia will be resting for the next few days no doubt.”

“Okay. I borrowed these from you. Where do you want me to place them?” Goku showed him the pen and paper.

“Oh I’ll take those. Now get going.” The father gave Goku a smile and turned on his heel. His smile turned grim when he saw the crowd of people start heading his way with the hog. He was going to have to do a lot of explaining.

Goku felt bad for Amelia his whole walk back home. “I should have given her more attention. Then she would not have thought it necessary to go talk to the hog,” Goku thought. “then again, who keeps a hog like that just tied up and alive? Don’t hunters go kill the animal before bringing it into town?” Goku did not know how any of that worked.

Goku spent the rest of the morning working on the runes that he had to write down. He finished up the last portion of the page and noticed very small amounts of improvement. At a certain point his hand was so tired of writing that he was not able to perform because it ached from holding the pen so tightly. He considered himself a fairly strong fellow but for some odd reason using a pen hurt muscles that he just never used.

“One whole page of writing. Not bad!” Goku said happily when he finally wrapped up his training for the day. He did not draw attention to how horrible his runes looked on paper and how largely he had to write so that there were only a dozen runes or so on the page. He had a long way to go before he could be considered decent at writing at all. He could now get ready to head on over to Roshi’s house and show him what he’d accomplished. No doubt the old man would give him another task to keep him busy for the next few days.

word count: 1624
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Re: Twarthog Strikes Back

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Hey Goku,

Apologies for getting to this thread late.

Unfortunately, the thread as it stands isn't reviewable. You had an unnamed flavor NPC capturing a Thwarthog. This is a feat that would take more than just one competent skill, as Thwarthogs, as you alluded to, are cunning animals, and not likely to be tricked by someone who's competent in trap-making and nothing else. Assuming that's the flavor npc's skill set up, but I have no way of knowing because his information isn't recorded anywhere. But the fact remains, a mere flavor NPC wouldn't be capable of trapping one of these creatures.

Further, you had the thwarthog set loose in the city of Scalvoris. In the middle of the city. I really think the guards would've stopped Amelia's father from bringing a live, wild thwarthog into the city, when it's clear he cannot even control it.

I suggest if you want to control more potent npcs, you dev either a ranger or antagonist character. Or develop a City npc and pursue permission from Pegasus to use such an NPC if you need them right away. The best way though is to either dev a Ranger or antagonist, in my opinion. Or perhaps even use an existing NPC.

So, you're going to have to rewrite, fixing the following issues:

1. The thwarthog cannot be set loose in the middle of the city. Please have it taking place somewhere outside the city.
2. A large thwarthog that's wild on the loose would cause absolute mayhem in the city. I suggest you not have Goku involved in such shenanigans. If you do, I would suggest you contact a GST afterward as there would likely be consequences proceeding from this event.
3. You need to dev an NPC with skills appropriate to one who can capture a thwarthog if you want to involve that element in this story.
4. Once all this is done, please include and link to the NPC's information in your new review request, when you resubmit it.

As I took my time in getting to this thread, I've decided NOT to issue a warning. Just please be wary of treading on such issues in the future.
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