Arc 721, 15 Ashan
'It's probably nothing - probably nothing at all. She doesn't see Xiur, or feel his presence. However, as she leaves the sandy beach, she sees that there is a whole patch of twinkling Tempest Lilies - and maybe it's a trick of the light, but for a moment they seem to resemble the stars at night. When she gets back to the tent, there in a place which is "hers" is a stack of parchment and a quill.'
She definitely noticed the Tempest Lilies but didn’t think much of it, her mind preoccupied with everything going on.
Entering the tent, the young mage’s eyes were drawn to her cot by something that hadn’t been there previously. Tilting her head gently, Elisabeth looked around, trying to figure out who could have left the parchment and quill. It really didn’t seem in character for anyone she was sharing the tent with. Arching an eyebrow gently, she moved over to the cot and picked up the items, continuing on to the small table nearby.
As she sat the items on the surface, Elisabeth’s mind began to race. Obviously, they were meant for her – that had been on her cot. It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t use them either. Letting her hand rest on top of the stack, gripping the quill, her mind wandered. She felt as though she should do something with the paper but she was unsure what.
Sighing softly, sitting back just a bit, she let her sapphire eyes stare at the paper, wondering if it could give her any ideas. Of course, it was annoyingly silent so not much help. What could she do with the paper? A million things really, but that didn’t help. Maybe the question needed to be a bit more basic than that.
What did she need?
And with that question, a thought came. Elisabeth really needed to talk to someone.
Balthazar spent most of his time working with the settlers. To be fair, she did as well but there wasn’t much in the way of downtime. Even when they were alone, they weren’t alone…and Balthazar hadn’t been in much of a talking mood. Elisabeth really didn’t know the settlers well enough to have friends there yet, so she was in something of a bind.
She could write a letter to someone. But who? There was Yeva of course, but she had her own issues to deal with and didn’t need to be weighed down with Elisabeth’s. Darius? Another option…but they were still getting to know each other. Doran would have been an option before the trial…but hearing that he had doubted Balthazar left some lingering questions in her mind.
Looking at the paper, she gently took one sheet away from the stack and put the date on it. It seemed a bit silly to just write random thoughts down on paper. The young woman was aware that some people kept journals. The idea was a bit fascinating to her and perhaps it was an idea she could use. It would require a bit of a twist though to make it work for her.
Elisabeth needed to feel like she was writing someone. Explaining her thoughts to someone. But who? Part of her wanted to pretend like she was writing to Balthazar, but she feared her current hesitation to broach certain topics with him would hinder her from releasing what she needed to. That didn’t leave a lot of options.
But then a memory of something else came...
The dream. Well, she hadn’t known it was a dream at the time but obviously, it had been. The season prior. She normally didn’t remember a lot about her dreams but experience with Balthazar had taught her a bit about lucid and non-lucid dreams. She didn’t know if the man was a figment on her imagination or not, but for the purposes of what she needed, he was perfect. Of what she remembered about the white-haired man, he had been supportive and kind to her, urging her not to discount the value of what she thought. That was the energy and intent she needed at that moment.
He hadn’t given a name that she could recall. The details of her dream were fuzzy, but she remembered him clearly. Or, as clearly as one could when having nothing but a memory. Drawing up the quill, she began…
***
"Hello again. I’m sure you don’t remember me…but I remember you. We met in a dream some time ago and I find myself needing someone to talk to. I remember you telling me that my opinions had worth. I’ve not been told that very much…so I remembered.
Life has been a bit upside down but I’m settled now, thankfully. I’m hoping for a bit of peace. A lot has happened in the past season and I’m only now able to stop and try to reconcile it all.
Some decisions I’ve made, I feel so certain of. Others are a bit more slippery. Life is strange that way. I experienced a different part of humanity in the last season – something I’m not sure I like. Parts of it are dark but wrapped within those are still pieces I understand and comprehend. Part of me wants to simply accept and not question…but a greater part of me wants to fight and demand answers. It’s an odd balance sometimes.
Like I said before, I remember your comment to me about ‘worth’. I often question my own. It’s been something I’ve struggled with for a while really. Even before you. I grew up in a place that shielded me from the harshness of life and I was happy there in that oblivion. I thought I would be there forever. Once I broke free, however, and realized the imperfect perfection of life. Of what I had been hiding from – friends, relationships, connections – I did what I could to learn. I found people I care about. It’s been a slow process, but I’m learning.
But I still struggle with my own worth and helping people. I try but so often I seem to fail, or people don’t want my help. It’s especially hard with people I care about. I suppose it’s part of the package when you care about people that are used to taking care of themselves. I’ve learned that it doesn’t mean it’s any easier to process or accept though.
I remember something else you said…about the “realm we walk through, may possibly be the source of magic itself”. I don’t know who you are. Possibly a figment of my imagination to be honest with myself but I want to thank you for what you did for me then…and now. Maybe if that realm is magic, sometrial, these words of gratitude will find their way to you. If you are part of my mind, I think I would rather keep believing you aren’t. I’d like to think you are out there someplace and sometrial, I’ll get to talk to you again. Isn’t that odd?”
***
Putting down the quill, the young woman read back over when she had written, nodding her head in satisfaction. It wasn’t like anyone was ever going to read what she wrote anyways. Stretching her hands a bit, noting a bit of a dull throb, she took a brief break - something she had learned from her time as a researcher. It had been awhile since writing so much and Elisabeth had forgotten that a toll could be taken on the hands if not given appropriate breaks.
Laying the page aside, she swiftly grabbed another, readying the quill again and writing a quick missive to Gennadiya. Elisabeth hadn’t thought of the young healer at first because their interactions had always been more professional in nature but before she left Rharne, there had been the hope of a deeper connection. It was time to reach out once again and reconnect.
Once that letter was done, Elisabeth sat back to consider what she wanted to do next. There were a few ideas swirling in her mind, but one stood out. Another sheet of parchment, and a quick note.
“Balthazar – Perhaps the shadows are always with us, but there is always a way to communicate….
-Elisabeth"
-Elisabeth"
On more than one occasion, Balthazar had stated his desire that shadows weren’t to be given one ounce of the shared relationship between Elisabeth and him. She had pushed the issue on a few occasions only to be reminded. Part of her understood. Balthazar was intensely private. Even she had been surprised how affectionate he had been the night of Cylus Dusk. It certainly wasn’t a normal state for him. Their relationship was theirs and theirs alone in his opinion. Whatever pieces he allowed the world to see before the arrest were shuttered up once again.
Elisabeth, however, felt differently. While she agreed to a certain extent about the principles of how he felt, so much of their relationship, to that point, had been about the small things. Touches, quick words of affection, small kisses….it was hard not to want that to continue – especially after thirty trials apart.
She had come to realize that each of them, in their own ways, were dealing with the trauma of what they had been through. That wouldn’t resolve overnight, and she shouldn’t expect it to. Elisabeth would have patience but it would only extend so far before the need for answers would come.
Folding the note gently, she wrote his name on the outside. Taking that, a few sheets of paper, and the quill over to Balthazar’s cot, she gently laid them down with the note on top.
There was always a way.
OOC
The note at the top is the mod notes from Peg regarding the parchment and quill. The letter to Genna will be posted and linked to the thread when completed.
