REVIEW
KnowledgesLabrae: Mortalborn
Labrae: Older than Rynmere
Labrae: Not a monster
Labrae: Wise beyond your years
Labrae: Can help with your problems
EXP
Story: 5/5
Collab: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Commentary
This was fun to write and to read! I didn't notice any major problems, but there were a few places where it looked like you ended the sentence too soon. Nothing to deduct a point for, but the kind of thing you should know. This sentence was the one that jumped out at me the most:
She was right of course. If her intentions had been murderous, she would’ve struck long ago.
I'd suggest that for sentences like that, you do something like this:
She was right of course, if her intentions had been murderous, she would’ve struck long ago.
Anyway, hope you had as much fun as I did!