The Grand Fracture of Fei

The Sunken City of Pyk

Moderators: Staff, Peer Reviewer, Wiki Worker

User avatar
Tio Silver
Wiki Worker
Wiki Worker
Posts: 1273
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:04 pm
Race: Immortal
Profession: God of Curses
Renown: 665
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 6

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

The Grand Fracture of Fei

[od=Note!] This is a work in progress and may not be used IC until final approval. Thanks! [/mod]
The Grand Fracture of Fei
The Sunken City of Pyk
Image
History
Long ago, in an age before The Immortals ruled the world, their creators The Originals held dominion over Idalos. The area now known as Scalvoris and all the ocean around it was claimed by Fei; the Scientist. Fei was fascinated by Idalos' limitless potential for creation and wished nothing more than to study it, and so she created a little island floating along the water named Pyk, upon which she built a small but glorious city that shared the same name. The Shay who worshipped her lived in this city, revered her as their god, and aided her in her unending mission to study all the wonders that Idalos had to offer. Under her guidance they came to become inquisitive and logical, valuing scientific method and reason above all but their beloved god, and many fascinating discoveries about the world and possibilities of technology. Their senate, which handled day-to-day running of the city, was the first recorded democracy. For a hundred years Pyk grew and prospered, becoming a beautiful kingdom bursting with untold knowledge.

But then came The Shattering. Fei was swimming at the bottom of the ocean deep beneath Pyk when it happened, tearing a massive hole into Emea matched only by those of the other Originals: one of the seven Grand Fractures. Chrien, who at the time had been the beloved protector of Pyk, was consumed by grief. She could not bear to look upon the statues erected in Fei's honour for a moment longer, could not stand for Pyk to exist when all it did was remind her of the mother she had lost. Lashing out with all her power, Chrien unleashed a storm unlike any Idalos had ever seen before that obliterated the city. So violent was it that the very island of Pyk itself was dragged down beneath the waves, sinking to the bottom of the ocean to collapse atop the fracture made by its creator's passing.

Time passed, and with the end of the Originals' reign came the beginning of the Immortals'. The great war between these godly beings caused massive upheaval across the land and sea, including surrounding the sunken city of Pyk with endless piles of dirt and rock. Eventually the debris that surrounded it piled so high that it met at the top, sealing Pyk away in enormous underground cave. Up and up it grew, reaching all the way up back to the surface of the ocean where it became a landmass, and eventually solidified enough to become a whole new island. The first settlers who discovered it named this island Scalvoris, never knowing of the ruined city entombed beneath it. It is the influence of this fracture's immense power that is responsible for a lot of the bizarre occurrences across Scalvoris which continue to this day.

But though Pyk was gone it was never forgotten. After the shattering U'frek, while searching the ocean to see if The Shattering really had claimed Fei's life, found the recently sunk Pyk and realised what Chrien had done. Years later, after he created the Biqaj, U'frek let slip to one of his champions about the existence of Pyk, but was very light on the details. The story passed around the early Biqaj community, and from it emerged a legend about a lost city deep beneath the sea. To this day the fable of the sunken city of Pyk is told to children across Idalos; a story to lead adventurers towards the ancient city. Many have tried and failed to locate the mythical kingdom, but a small percentage are never seen again and are presumed to have perished during the journey. There have been no confirmed successful expeditions to Pyk, though rumours suggest that the pirate lord known as The Reaper, Parthea Vermillion, was able to do so.

Date Opened
The time of The Shattering: 600 arcs before the end of the War of The Immortals and The Oath.

Entrance
Pyk is enclosed within a huge, bubble shaped cave that the very island of Scalvoris formed around. Because it is hidden so deep beneath the island only a handful of beings know its location, and those that do are rarely inclined to share. Among the Immortals only five know where to find it: Chrien, who sank it in the first place; Faldrun, who scoured the sea after The Shattering to find his lost love; and Treid, Yvitha and U'frek, perhaps the only ones actually inclined to share the location with mortals. The latent energy of the fracture interferes with teleportation magic such as rupturing and dreamwalking, making it impossible for even the Immortals to safely warp inside. There is however a secret entrance. U’frek created a tunnel right through the side of Scalvoris deep beneath the ocean. It is so dark down there, the water pressure so intense, that even the mer cannot swim that far down; only the monstrous leviathans they serve. To find this tunnel U’frek created a compass that points towards the cave entrance.

Foyer
The foyer of Fei’s fracture spreads all throughout the underground cave it is trapped within and up into the very ground of Scalvoris. In most places it is too far underground to interfere with the lives of those on the surface of the island, however occasionally some of this emean power bubbles up to the surface and cause strange and wonderful things to happen. This is one of the reasons why so many bizarre events occur on Scalvoris.

The main area where the foyer’s influence is at its fullest is within the huge, bubble-shaped cave Pyk is trapped in. The walls of this cave are littered with thousands of low-quality wells that look like shining stars, and bath the cave in a mystical blue light. This cave is absolutely teeming with life, filled to the brim with aquatic plants, fish and algae that cannot be found anywhere else in the world. In fact should a traveller look closely they will soon realise that each and every plant and animal swimming around is entirely unique. There is a reason for this that a traveller will discover the longer they stay within the fracture.

Fei was a curious woman, fascinated with the potential of life, and this mindset is reflected within the influence of her fracture. All biological life that touches its waters will find itself slowly beginning to mutate; constantly changing into an entirely new form. Fei found life beautiful and never wished to see it suffer, and as a reflection of this the forms one transforms into are always ethereally beautiful and well-suited to surviving underwater. The closer one gets to Pyk the stronger this influence becomes, and the faster these mutations occur. At first this may seem like a good thing to visitors, for by surrendering oneself to the fracture’s influence they soon gain a body that can navigate further into Pyk with ease, however all soon realise the hidden trap. While Fei’s fracture may transform all life into creatures of the sea, it does not turn them back again. Those who linger in Fei’s fracture for too long will eventually find themselves unable to survive back up on the surface.

Veins
The veins of the fracture can be found within the ruins of Pyk itself. These ruins are built from beautiful, half- coral half-stone materials that retain hauntingly clear colours even over a thousand arcs since the city sank. Among these ruins there are many statues and other works of art depicting Fei as a beautiful, caring goddess, and to a lesser extent Chrien as a valourous guardian. Within these ruins are pathways leading towards the royal palace where Fei once resided, where the heart of the fracture is located, but to get into it one must navigate the tunnels of collapsed buildings. These veins are filled with puzzles created from the experiments that were once performed across Pyk.

Heart
The royal palace of Fei is a home, library and laboratory all at once. Its grand halls are filled with the knowledge of an age before the Immortals, and many of the books have high-level wells forming between them by being so close to the heart. By strange coincidence when Pyk fell on top of the fracture the heart itself ended up surrounded by the wreckage of Fei’s reliquary; the room she loved most in all of Pyk, where she stored the objects and items that she loved most in the world. The heart of the fracture is a jagged crack of white light that reaches all the way up the middle of the huge room from floor to ceiling.

Somewhere in the reliquary, hidden amongst the piles of scattered oddities are many ancient and powerful artefacts that caught Fei's interest. One of these is an artefact created by Fei herself: Fei’s Spyglass. It is said to have the power to reveal to the user all that is hidden in the world. However this palace is also the home of a titanic emean monster known as the Sea Tyrant, who will do whatever it takes to slaughter those who intrude upon its home.

Well Information
Any and all types of wells can be found here embedded within the walls of the sunken city. The closer one gets to the heart, the more powerful the wells they can find.

Permission
Characters can only access this area as part of a modded thread. Please ask at the PSF if you would like to explore.
Knowledge of this fracture's existence is incredibly rare. Your character must have earned a specific knowledge about its existence in a thread to know that it is real and that it is a grand fracture, however any character may have heard the legend of the sunken city of Pyk, so long as they do not know that it is actually real. This knowledge can be gained by talking to an Immortal, studying The Originals, or even just deciding to did deeper into the myths surrounding it and discovering some interesting facts.

Notes
  • The compass U’frek created to find his entrance to Pyk is rumoured to be in the possession of the University of Scalvoris. Rumours around the university suggest that there is a secret project to create a diving bell capable of taking someone right to the bottom of the ocean.
word count: 1774
Fast Facts
Noticeable quirks your character can see when threading with Tio.

Floats

Tio floats in the air, usually just a foot off the ground.

Explodeibur

Tio wears a scary looking gauntlet on his right hand that is clearly magical. It creates explosions.

Mercury

Tio has a masked alter ego who leads The Court of Miracles.

Enchanting Voice

Tio's voice has hypnotic properties.
User avatar
Tio Silver
Wiki Worker
Wiki Worker
Posts: 1273
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:04 pm
Race: Immortal
Profession: God of Curses
Renown: 665
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 6

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

The Sea Titan
Tyrant of the Sunken City
Image
Name: The Sea Titan
Fauna Type: Emean Being
Mod Status: Mod Controlled Only.
Quick Facts: This monster can only be damaged once by any form of attack. Afterwards it immediately evolves to become completely resistant to that form of damage.
Height: 180 feet.
Weight: 260 pounds.
Location Found: Within the foyer of the Grand Fracture of Fei, usually inside the royal palace of Pyk.
History: Ten arcs after the originals shattered seven enormous emean titans came to Idalos, each emerging from one the grand fractures to rule over the land enveloped in its foyer. From Fei’s fracture came the Sea Titan, a terrifying beast with dominion over the water and insane reserves of strength and endurance. It cannot leave the fracture’s foyer, nor does it possess the intelligence to influence events outside of its domain, so the Sea Titan remains hidden within Pyk; the new king of the ruined city.
Habitat: The Sea Titan remains within the foyer of Fei’s Grand Fracture. It nests within the royal palace of Pyk, but leaves to patrol its territory and hunt the abundant variety of life within its domain.
Lifespan: Immortal.
Diet: Fish and other sea life within Pyk.
Temperament: Extremely hostile. Will attack any and every other living thing on sight.
Abilities: Due to its titanic size the Sea Titan is immensely strong and durable, able to crush ships within its hands, however these alone are not what makes it such a terrifying foe. The Sea Titan has learnt to harness the power of the grand fracture it rules over, and can it to rapidly evolve its own body to adapt to any threat it faces. Whenever some form of damage is done to the Sea Titan it transforms within the span of a few seconds, becoming completely immune to that same kind of damage ever again.
Additional: Despite its immense power, those who know about the titans of the grand fractures consider it to be the least dangerous of the seven.
word count: 341
Fast Facts
Noticeable quirks your character can see when threading with Tio.

Floats

Tio floats in the air, usually just a foot off the ground.

Explodeibur

Tio wears a scary looking gauntlet on his right hand that is clearly magical. It creates explosions.

Mercury

Tio has a masked alter ego who leads The Court of Miracles.

Enchanting Voice

Tio's voice has hypnotic properties.
User avatar
Tio Silver
Wiki Worker
Wiki Worker
Posts: 1273
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:04 pm
Race: Immortal
Profession: God of Curses
Renown: 665
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 6

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

Fei's Spyglass

Image
Name: Fei’s Spyglass
History: An artefact created by the Original Fei through which to observe the entirety of Idalos in all of its wonders. It was kept within the reliquary of her royal palace on Pyk, and has never been seen again since the island was sunk to the bottom of the ocean.
Physical Description: A spyglass made of a blue, glass-like material and decorated with bands of flaming red.
Abilities: Fei’s spyglass allows one to see everything that should remain hidden. By peering through it the user can see souls, spirits, ether and everything else that would normally be invisible to them as tangible, colourful things, all overlapping onto their plane of existence. If used to look at an Immortal’s avatar it can even reveal what that Immortal truly looks like. With enough practice in using it one can even begin to peer through time and space, or even out into the farthest depths of emea. However an artefact of the Originals is too powerful for mere mortals to wield for very long, and after a few seconds it will burn the one who uses it.
word count: 194
Fast Facts
Noticeable quirks your character can see when threading with Tio.

Floats

Tio floats in the air, usually just a foot off the ground.

Explodeibur

Tio wears a scary looking gauntlet on his right hand that is clearly magical. It creates explosions.

Mercury

Tio has a masked alter ego who leads The Court of Miracles.

Enchanting Voice

Tio's voice has hypnotic properties.
User avatar
Pegasus Pug!!!
City Moderator
City Moderator
Posts: 10462
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2016 1:08 am
Race: Prophet
Renown: 666
Plot Notes
Office
Templates
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

HIya!

So - as I've said to you - this is a big Dev piece and as such we're going to give it the level of feedback / scrutiny we would for any such. Therefore, I'm going to be as robust and straight-to-the point / direct as I always am. However, I want to be clear - I am one person giving an opinion. There is nothing more than that, here - and as is always the case on any Dev piece, it's perfectly fine (in fact, often necessary) for us to have debates here - that leads to better Dev, so please, please, read everything below as one person's opinion, only. Everything is up for discussion.
Tio wrote:History
Long ago, in an age before the Immortals ruled the world, their creators The Originals held dominion over Idalos. The area now known as Scalvoris and all the ocean around it was claimed by Fei; the Scientist. Fei was fascinated by Idalos' limitless potential for creation and wished nothing more than to study it, and so she created a little island floating along the water named Pyk, upon which she built a small but glorious city that shared the same name. The Shay who worshipped her lived in this city, revered her as their god, and aided her in her unending mission to study all the wonders that Idalos had to offer. For a hundred years Pyk grew and prospered, becoming a beautiful kingdom bursting with untold knowledge.
Ok - I'll number all questions so you can respond more easily.
1. This will end up going on the wiki. Therefore - could you please identify which words will be linked to other wiki pages? We link once only, usually the first time. Where the wiki page in question is a category the way to link is
[[:Category: Originals | Originals]]
The ":" before the word Category means it's linking TO the Category, not putting it IN the Category (very important distinction)
"Category: Originals" is the name of the place you're linking to
"| Originals" is the text which will actually appear.
If you need ANY help / support with that, gimme a nudge.

2. Since Fei was so positive about the Shay - I wonder if it's worth to discuss the Shay more in this article? Check that with Squirrel, though - because it might be that I'm getting a little over-excited. ....
3. Isn't a hundred years a bit of a short time? Is there a reason for that?
4. We're currently working on a new map which Brent is very kindly putting together with CAD - do you think it would be worth to identify on the Scalvoris area where Pyk is? I'm not sure here.
Para 2 wrote: But then came the shattering. Fae was swimming at the bottom of the ocean deep beneath Pyk when it happened, tearing a massive hole into Emea matched only by those of the other Originals. Chrien, who at the time had been the beloved protector of Pyk, was consumed by grief. She could not bear to look upon the statues erected in Fei's honour for a moment longer, could not stand for Pyk to exist when all it did was remind her of the mother she had lost. Lashing out with all her power, Chrien unleashed a storm unlike any Idalos had ever seen before that obliterated the city. So violent was it that the very island of Pyk itself was dragged down beneath the waves, sinking to the bottom of the ocean to collapse atop the fracture made by its creator's passing.
5. Correction: The Shattering (capital S) - and isn't it usually called The Great Shattering? (that might be my memory there!)
6. Correction: Fei, not Fae (please check for that throughout the article)
Para 3 wrote: Time passed, and with the end of the Original's reign came the beginning of the Immortal's. The great war between these godly beings caused massive upheaval across the land and sea, including surrounding the sunken city of Pyk with endless piles of dirt and rock. Eventually the debris that surrounded it piled so high that it met at the top, sealing Pyk away with an enormous underground cave. Up and up it grew, reaching all the way up back to the surface of the ocean where it became a landmass, and eventually solidified enough to become a whole new island. The first settlers who discovered it named this island Scalvoris, never knowing of the ruined city entombed beneath it. It is the influence of this fracture's immense power that is responsible for a lot of the bizarre occurrences across Scalvoris that continue to this day.
7. Correction: The Originals' reign
8. Correction: Immortals'
9. Just a comment - I love the Atlantis / underground city vibe.
10. Correction: sealing Pyk away in an enormous....
11. Correction: which continue to this day.
Para 4 wrote: But though Pyk was gone it was never forgotten. The children of Fei besides Chrien; Qylios, Treid, U'frek and Xiur, told their trusted champions the story of what had happened to Pyk (albeit without a few key details, such as Fei's existence and Chrien's role in sinking it) and as this story was passed from one human to the next it grew and changed into a legend. To this day the fable of the sunken city of Pyk is told to children across Idalos; a story to lead adventurers towards the ancient city. Many have tried and failed to locate the mythical kingdom, but a small percentage are never seen again and are presumed to have perished during the journey. There have been no confirmed successful expeditions to Pyk, though rumours suggest that the pirate lord known as The Reaper, Parthea Vermillion, was able to do so.
12. Ok - so this makes it sound like people know where Pyk is - and my understanding is that this is not common knowledge. Maybe vague this up a bit?
Para 5 wrote: The time of the shattering: 600 arcs before the end of the War of the Immortal and The Oath.
13: Correction: Shattering
14: Correction: Immortals
Para 6 Entrance wrote: Pyk is enclosed within a huge, bubble shaped cave that the very island of Scalvoris formed around. Unless one has a lot of time and resources digging all the way down into the centre of the island is impossible, and the latent energy of the fracture interferes with teleportation magic such as rupturing and dreamwalking, making it impossible for even the Immortals to safely warp inside. There are however two secret entrances.
15. I think "Unless one has a lot of time and resources digging all the way down into the centre of the island is impossible" is kind of contrary (it's not impossible, if you have the time and resources) - and needs a bit more quantifying. Maybe something like "The sunken city is so far beneath the current island that digging down by any regular means would be nigh on impossible, and the latent energy ...." ?
16. Ok - so - this is where I think we need to be clear about who knows about this. Do all the Immortals? How, if they can't get there? Which Immortals? Personally - I think that it would be more story-focused if the whole thing was sealed off from all beings, Immortals included. From a story perspective, that would give the Immortals more reason to try and get mortals (aka: PCs) in there and thus, create stories. If the Immortals can get in there, we run the risk of it being an NPC-centric thing. Make sense? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
16a (cos I thought of it later on) - what about Mer? Is Sotong able to get here? link if that's not something you've looked into.

Para 7 wrote:The first is the infinitely more dangerous path. All the volcanoes on Scalvoris draw lava from the same enormous magma chamber beneath the ground, which in turn sits right above Pyk. There are a few cracks connecting this magma chamber to Pyk badly sealed by cooled magma. One could, in theory, swim down through a volcano and break through one of these cracks, though this would require both herculean strength and complete resistance to the magma. (This is the method Faldrun uses on the rare occasions he travels to Pyk to mourn for his lost love.)
17. There's only one volcano on Scalv.
18. How's that gonna work? If you create a crack, then either magma's dropping into Pyk (and draining down) - or... I'm not sure how that works? Also - have you seen this thread? It's the end of a series of threads which have a cavern under Scalv etc. It being my PC, I can link you to the series if you need / want. Arlo and Roland were involved in it too - and it started in the Inn which Noth burned down and Aeon died in. I think there might be a link to be made there, maybe?
Para 7 wrote: The second is the longer, but comparatively safer, method. Fei’s children also occasionally have cause to travel to the sunken city to pay their respects to their mother, and to make this possible U’frek created a tunnel right through the side of Scalvoris deep beneath the ocean. It is so dark down there, the water pressure so intense, that even the mer cannot swim that far down; only the monstrous leviathans they serve. To find this tunnel U’frek created a compass that points towards the cave entrance.
Hmm. See point 16. I think this bit is probably one to discuss. Also - make sure that this is consistent with the (as far as I'm aware) only thread dealing with this on an academic level you remember this!? was great fun.
Para 8 Foyer wrote: The foyer of Fei’s fracture spreads all throughout the underground cave it is trapped within and up into the very ground of Scalvoris. In most places it is too far underground to interfere with the lives of those on the surface of the island, however there are a few odd tendrils that stretch out from beneath the ground at key geographical locations and cause strange and wonderful things to happen. This is one of the reasons why so many bizarre events occur on Scalvoris.
19. I've always played it that weirdness happens all over Scalv - so I'd like it if there weren't key geographical locations - could we have more of a weirdness "ooze"?
Para 9 wrote:The main area where the foyer’s influence is at its fullest is within the huge, bubble-shaped cave Pyk is trapped in. The walls of this cave are littered with thousands of low-quality wells that look like shining stars, and bath the cave in a mystical blue light. This cave is absolutely teeming with life, filled to the brim with aquatic plants, fish and algae that cannot be found anywhere else in the world. In fact should a traveller look closely they will soon realise that each and every plant and animal swimming around is entirely unique; and new species unto itself. There is a reason for this that a traveller will discover the longer they stay within the fracture.
20. One of the things that I've learned over the course of my time on ST is that absolutes tie us in knots later. Personally, I'd take out the "and a new species unto itself" - because some of them might be mutations of existing species etc.
Para 10 wrote:Fei was a curious woman, fascinated with the potential of life, and this mindset is reflected within the influence of her fracture. All biological life that touches its waters will find itself slowly beginning to mutate; constantly changing into an entirely new form. Fei found life beautiful and never wished to see it suffer, and as a reflection of this the forms one transforms into are always ethereally beautiful and well-suited to surviving underwater. The closer one gets to Pyke the stronger this influence becomes, and the faster these mutations occur. At first this may seem like a good thing to visitors, for by surrendering oneself to the fracture’s influence they soon gain a body that can navigate further into Pyke with ease, however all soon realise the hidden trap. While Fei’s fracture may transform all life into creatures of the sea, it does not turn them back again. Those who linger in Fei’s fracture for too long will eventually find themselves unable to survive back up on the surface.
21: Pyk or Pyke? I believe it Pyk - check for consistency.
22. Ergh. The "turns you into something" thing. See - I'm trying to think about this in terms of playability. Unable to survive on the surface doesn't = a fun playing experience. It mutating people makes perfect sense - and those being permanent also makes sense - but I'd like to re-think this in terms of player experience. I'd like to see what others think - but I personally am not keen on this. I'd go for something like - what you've got there - but then once you leave you remain changed in some way (determined by a mod / PSF'd) - but otherwise you've got PCs who become unplayable if their player plays them IC.
23. Also - how does this impact Immortals? Faldrun's not mutated? How does that work? Is it all mortals? What about MB?
Para 11 Veins wrote: The veins of the fracture can be found within the ruins of Pyk itself. These ruins are built from beautiful, coral-stone like materials that retain hauntingly clear colours even over a thousand arcs since the city sank. Among these ruins there are many statues and other works of art depicting Fei as a beautiful, caring goddess, and to a lesser extent Chrien as a valourous guardian. Within these ruins are pathways leading towards the royal palace where Fei once resided, where the heart of the fracture is located, but to get into it one must navigate the tunnels of collapsed buildings. These veins are filled with puzzles created from the experiments that were once performed across Pyk.
24. Coral isn't a stone, is it?
25. Why is Chrien the only one shown here? U'frek and Xiur, Treid, too - granted Qylios and Fei never got on - but although Chrien was created for protecting Pyk, I'd think there'd be some sign of the other children of Fei?
Para 12 Heart wrote: The royal palace of Fei is a home, library and laboratory all at once. Its grand halls are filled with the knowledge of an age before the Immortals, and many of the books have been transformed into high-level wells by being so close to the heart. By strange coincidence when Pyk fell on top of the fracture the heart itself ended up surrounded by the wreckage of Fei’s reliquary; the room she loved most in all of Pyk, where she stored the objects and items that she loved most in the world. The heart of the fracture is a jagged crack of white light that reaches all the way up the middle of the huge room from floor to ceiling.
26. I don't see how books would become wells? I would like Squirrel to double check that in terms of existing Lore. :P We like to keep him busy.

[quote =Para 13] Somewhere in the reliquary, hidden beneath the piles of scattered oddities, is an artefact created by Fei herself: Fei’s Spyglass. It is said to have the power to reveal to the user all that is hidden in the world. However this palace is also the home of a titanic emean monster known as the Sea Tyrant, who will do whatever it takes to slaughter those who intrude upon its home. [/quote]
27. Feedback on those will come once we've got this one down pat. Also - I think it might be worth to mention that there are probably lots of artefacts / items etc. Again, leaves things open for other plots etc.
Para 14 Well Information wrote: Any and all types of wells can be found here embedded within the walls of the sunken city. The closer one gets to the heart, the more powerful the wells they can find.
28. Would that be only in the walls?
Permission wrote: Characters can only access this area as part of a modded thread.
Knowledge of this fracture's existence is incredibly rare. Your character must have earnt a specific knowledge about its existence in a thread to know that it is real and that it is a grand fracture, however any character may have heard the legend of the sunken city of Pyk, so long as they do not know that it is actually real.
29. We'd need to have a bit more detail here I think. Can players put up a request in the PSF to go and explore here? (I'd say yes) - and how would they get that specific knowledge they need? If it's via education - is it only available at a particular level etc?
Notes wrote: The compass U’frek created to find his entrance to Pyk is currently in the possession of the chancellor of the Scalvoris University, Kristoff Manyon. Rumours around the university suggest that he has been approaching various professors about creating a diving bell capable of taking someone right to the bottom of the ocean.
Hmmm. I'm not sure about this - I worry about it being too NPC-centric, you know? But equally - it might be an interesting plot. Personally, I'd go for there being rumours that the university has the compass and that they're trying to find a way? So a bit more vague/ open to story stuff?

General Feedback
I love this - I think you've got the base idea done perfectly and there's just a few minor issues which I'd like to discuss. Awesome work!
word count: 3042
Image
~~Red in hoof and claw... ~~


Family visiting. Send help!
User avatar
Rei'sari
Approved Character
Posts: 836
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:47 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Renown: 451
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

First of all, I love the idea of this. I have always loved the idea of Atlantis, and this has a feel very similar to this - which I truly love. So much so that I am tempted to try and figure out a reason why one of my PCs might stumble into an adventure involving this place.

I do have one nitpicky thing. In the history section, you have this:
For a hundred years Pyk grew and prospered, becoming a beautiful kingdom bursting with untold knowledge.
Years should be arcs in my opinion. I do know that some people use both, but for me, it's kind of a big thing. I also agree with Pegasus that a hundred arcs seems like a short amount of time for something like this unless there is a specific reason for that.
The foyer of Fei’s fracture spreads all throughout the underground cave it is trapped within and up into the very ground of Scalvoris. In most places it is too far underground to interfere with the lives of those on the surface of the island, however there are a few odd tendrils that stretch out from beneath the ground at key geographical locations and cause strange and wonderful things to happen. This is one of the reasons why so many bizarre events occur on Scalvoris.
I love having a reason behind all of the strange things that happen in Scalvoris, but again, I agree with Pegasus about the key points issue. As I understand it, the strange events happen throughout Scalvoris, not just in certain areas...which this seems to negate.

Fei was a curious woman, fascinated with the potential of life, and this mindset is reflected within the influence of her fracture. All biological life that touches its waters will find itself slowly beginning to mutate; constantly changing into an entirely new form. Fei found life beautiful and never wished to see it suffer, and as a reflection of this the forms one transforms into are always ethereally beautiful and well-suited to surviving underwater. The closer one gets to Pyke the stronger this influence becomes, and the faster these mutations occur. At first this may seem like a good thing to visitors, for by surrendering oneself to the fracture’s influence they soon gain a body that can navigate further into Pyke with ease, however all soon realise the hidden trap. While Fei’s fracture may transform all life into creatures of the sea, it does not turn them back again. Those who linger in Fei’s fracture for too long will eventually find themselves unable to survive back up on the surface.
Again, I find myself in agreement with Pegasus here. For me, having a PC that was suddenly mutated to the point where playing them on land was no longer possible would make the PC unplayable for me. Having permanent changes, sounds perfectly reasonable - and even a lot of fun to work with, though.
word count: 497
Rei'sari was formerly Ari'sora, but after getting a fresh start in life and a new appearance from Vega, she changed her name to Rei'sari.
User avatar
Tio Silver
Wiki Worker
Wiki Worker
Posts: 1273
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:04 pm
Race: Immortal
Profession: God of Curses
Renown: 665
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 6

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm So - as I've said to you - this is a big Dev piece and as such we're going to give it the level of feedback / scrutiny we would for any such. Therefore, I'm going to be as robust and straight-to-the point / direct as I always am. However, I want to be clear - I am one person giving an opinion. There is nothing more than that, here - and as is always the case on any Dev piece, it's perfectly fine (in fact, often necessary) for us to have debates here - that leads to better Dev, so please, please, read everything below as one person's opinion, only. Everything is up for discussion.
Not a problem. I'm keen to make this development flawless to prove I can handle the other six as well, so please don't hesitate to hit me with everything.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm1. This will end up going on the wiki. Therefore - could you please identify which words will be linked to other wiki pages?
No problem. I'll add those in.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm2. Since Fei was so positive about the Shay - I wonder if it's worth to discuss the Shay more in this article?
Will do. Maybe something about what the culture was like for the Shay who lived there, but not something that gives a concrete description of what the Shay race were like as a whole.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm3. Isn't a hundred years a bit of a short time? Is there a reason for that?
This is going off of the information in the Idalos History page.

"700 Arcs - The Strife - The Originals arrive, war with the Induk Idalos, the Verses and Dragons begins.
600 Arcs - The Shattering - The Originals and Shay are wiped out, Humans come into existence."

As the Originals were only around for a hundred arcs that's how long I thought Pyk would have been around for at maximum.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm4. We're currently working on a new map which Brent is very kindly putting together with CAD - do you think it would be worth to identify on the Scalvoris area where Pyk is? I'm not sure here.
Honestly I'm not sure if it would be worth it. As I envision Pyk being directly beneath Scalvoris this would be tricky to display on a bird's-eye-view map.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm12. Ok - so this makes it sound like people know where Pyk is - and my understanding is that this is not common knowledge. Maybe vague this up a bit?
Okay, vagued it up a bit.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm15. I think "Unless one has a lot of time and resources digging all the way down into the centre of the island is impossible" is kind of contrary (it's not impossible, if you have the time and resources) - and needs a bit more quantifying. Maybe something like "The sunken city is so far beneath the current island that digging down by any regular means would be nigh on impossible, and the latent energy ...." ?
Okay, I've removed that part and just stressed how incredibly deep down it is.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm16. Ok - so - this is where I think we need to be clear about who knows about this. Do all the Immortals? How, if they can't get there? Which Immortals? Personally - I think that it would be more story-focused if the whole thing was sealed off from all beings, Immortals included. From a story perspective, that would give the Immortals more reason to try and get mortals (aka: PCs) in there and thus, create stories. If the Immortals can get in there, we run the risk of it being an NPC-centric thing. Make sense? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
16a (cos I thought of it later on) - what about Mer? Is Sotong able to get here? link if that's not something you've looked into.
I had originally thought all the Immortals would know where all the Grand Fractures are, but your idea makes quite a bit of sense. It would be more interesting if the location of each G Fracture was only know to a few releveant Immortals.

I'd say that Chrien must know, since she sunk it, and Faldrun is very likely to have torn the world apart right after the shattering trying to find Fei so would probably know too. They are both very anti-mortal though, so a couple of pro-mortal gods should know as well to provide players with some direction.
U'frek and Treid would be the best choices I think. They're most Fei's kid, so would probably have tried to find it too. Plus U'frek is the most likely to have explored the sea, and Treid is a little know-it-all.

I feel like the leviathans should know because they're super old and sea-dwellers and trying to communicate with one of them to discover the location of Pyk would make a good thread.
But the mer shouldn't since they're too common and (comparatively) easier to talk with.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm17. There's only one volcano on Scalv.
18. How's that gonna work? If you create a crack, then either magma's dropping into Pyk (and draining down) - or... I'm not sure how that works? Also - have you seen this thread? It's the end of a series of threads which have a cavern under Scalv etc. It being my PC, I can link you to the series if you need / want. Arlo and Roland were involved in it too - and it started in the Inn which Noth burned down and Aeon died in. I think there might be a link to be made there, maybe?
Fairs points. I've removed the section about the volcano entrance entirely.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm19. I've always played it that weirdness happens all over Scalv - so I'd like it if there weren't key geographical locations - could we have more of a weirdness "ooze"?
Okay. How about the fracture's foyer is all below ground, but often some of its influence "bubbles up" to the surface in big globs and causes strangeness to happen. Would that be okay?
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm20. One of the things that I've learned over the course of my time on ST is that absolutes tie us in knots later. Personally, I'd take out the "and a new species unto itself" - because some of them might be mutations of existing species etc.
Okay. I've taken out the part mentioned.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm22. Ergh. The "turns you into something" thing. See - I'm trying to think about this in terms of playability. Unable to survive on the surface doesn't = a fun playing experience. It mutating people makes perfect sense - and those being permanent also makes sense - but I'd like to re-think this in terms of player experience. I'd like to see what others think - but I personally am not keen on this. I'd go for something like - what you've got there - but then once you leave you remain changed in some way (determined by a mod / PSF'd) - but otherwise you've got PCs who become unplayable if their player plays them IC.
23. Also - how does this impact Immortals? Faldrun's not mutated? How does that work? Is it all mortals? What about MB?
I see what you're saying, but in my mind the key part here is if something touches the water it transforms. To get down there I'm picturing that a lot of people would need diving gear / some kind of magical submarine thing, and a lot of the drama in the thread comes from avoiding physically touching the water.

The thing is this part is inspired by the current description of Fei's fracture: "All these transformations are beautiful in their own right, although those who stay too long in the blissful embrace of her Fracture find they can never leave and remain with the others, content to eventually swim in the chaos of Emea, and discover what lies beyond." I picture this effect as the main 'threat' of the fracture; the challenge explorers need to prepare for and overcome. Otherwise other than being underwater there's nothing about it a regular person couldn't overcome (besides the sea monster.)

There are a million and one ways players could be changed back: Becoming, Grafting, divine intervention and such. If you really think it is necessary we could say that, once outside of the foyer, the emean energy leaves you and the mutations are slowly undone, so players would turn back into how they used to be with maybe the odd permanent cosmetic changes. Personally though I am against it. If these are going to be the seven most powerful fractures then they need to have difficulty reflecting that; players will need to come up with a plan and prepare instead of rushing in headfirst.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm24. Coral isn't a stone, is it?
It is not. I'm trying to get across that it looks like both coral and stone. I'll clarify.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm25. Why is Chrien the only one shown here? U'frek and Xiur, Treid, too - granted Qylios and Fei never got on - but although Chrien was created for protecting Pyk, I'd think there'd be some sign of the other children of Fei?
Again that is because of an extract in Fei's lore page: "The Shay city Pyk, set on an island in the midst of the sea was her preferred place of refuge. She created Chrien to be an image of the sea, to bless the Shay of Pyk with luck and their enemies with spite, to control the storms that raged around them."

None of the other Immortals created by Fei are mentioned like this, and in all their lore pages I don't get the impression that they were as close to their mother as Chrien was. It seems to me a bit like one of the reasons why Chrien was created to fulfil this role. Or at the very least she was the most active in protecting it. While the other Immortals would have been worshipped in some capacity Chrien seems to be more dedicated to Fei, and thus someone more worthy of worshipping on Pyk.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm26. I don't see how books would become wells? I would like Squirrel to double check that in terms of existing Lore. :P We like to keep him busy.
Fair point. I'll change that bit anyway.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm27. Feedback on those will come once we've got this one down pat. Also - I think it might be worth to mention that there are probably lots of artefacts / items etc. Again, leaves things open for other plots etc.
Sure thing. Added.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm28. Would that be only in the walls?
Yes. Purely because I was under the impression they needed to be mined.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pm29. We'd need to have a bit more detail here I think. Can players put up a request in the PSF to go and explore here? (I'd say yes) - and how would they get that specific knowledge they need? If it's via education - is it only available at a particular level etc?
Elaboration has been added.
Pegasus wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:20 pmHmmm. I'm not sure about this - I worry about it being too NPC-centric, you know? But equally - it might be an interesting plot. Personally, I'd go for there being rumours that the university has the compass and that they're trying to find a way? So a bit more vague/ open to story stuff?
Fair point. Edit has been made.
word count: 2098
Fast Facts
Noticeable quirks your character can see when threading with Tio.

Floats

Tio floats in the air, usually just a foot off the ground.

Explodeibur

Tio wears a scary looking gauntlet on his right hand that is clearly magical. It creates explosions.

Mercury

Tio has a masked alter ego who leads The Court of Miracles.

Enchanting Voice

Tio's voice has hypnotic properties.
User avatar
Pig Boy
City Moderator
City Moderator
Posts: 6000
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:54 pm
Race: Prophet
Profession: Rharne City Moderator
Renown: 666
Office
Templates
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 1

Featured

Contribution

RP Medals

Staff

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

Just a small issue with the early part of the write-up of the fracture:

floating island: You mean floating in the sky or on the ocean, like a big magical atoll? Could we get a more detailed description of what Pyk was before the shattering? What you have here explains and describes a lot, which may be enough, but I'm just curious.

I may have other questions as I delve deeper into this write-up but I really like what you have here.
word count: 85
User avatar
Rei'sari
Approved Character
Posts: 836
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:47 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Renown: 451
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

I see what you're saying, but in my mind the key part here is if something touches the water it transforms. To get down there I'm picturing that a lot of people would need diving gear / some kind of magical submarine thing, and a lot of the drama in the thread comes from avoiding physically touching the water.
This begs the question of what kinds of diving gear does Idalos have? I can only imagine that if any, it would be very primitive gear, and not up to something like this unless there is magical/Immortal intervention involved.
The thing is this part is inspired by the current description of Fei's fracture: "All these transformations are beautiful in their own right, although those who stay too long in the blissful embrace of her Fracture find they can never leave and remain with the others, content to eventually swim in the chaos of Emea, and discover what lies beyond." I picture this effect as the main 'threat' of the fracture; the challenge explorers need to prepare for and overcome. Otherwise other than being underwater there's nothing about it a regular person couldn't overcome (besides the sea monster.)

There are a million and one ways players could be changed back: Becoming, Grafting, divine intervention and such. If you really think it is necessary we could say that, once outside of the foyer, the emean energy leaves you and the mutations are slowly undone, so players would turn back into how they used to be with maybe the odd permanent cosmetic changes. Personally though I am against it. If these are going to be the seven most powerful fractures then they need to have difficulty reflecting that; players will need to come up with a plan and prepare instead of rushing in headfirst.
I can see the need for significant risk in something like this. But many of those ways aren't an option for people. As I understand it, unless you are a magic user yourself, most PCs know very little about magic. So they won't know that they can try to become a Becomer or a Graft user...or even that such things exist. For that matter, once you have transformed, and are stuck under water permanently, what are the chances of becoming initiated in Becoming or Graft, anyway? Or finding a Graft user to hire? And unless someone already has a Blessing (possibly a more advanced one so that the Immortal involved is more interested in keeping tabs on you), how likely is it that divine intervention is an option? Especially if one is unable to survive on land (and therefore unable to seek divine intervention out unless it is from Chieren)? Add to that that they are content to swim around, and therefore won't be looking for ways to change back...
word count: 479
Rei'sari was formerly Ari'sora, but after getting a fresh start in life and a new appearance from Vega, she changed her name to Rei'sari.
User avatar
Tio Silver
Wiki Worker
Wiki Worker
Posts: 1273
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:04 pm
Race: Immortal
Profession: God of Curses
Renown: 665
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 6

Featured

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

All edits so far have been made, excluding 2.
  1. I'm not in a position to decide what type and quality of diving gear should be available in the world, so I'll leave that. Suffice to say though that in a fantasy world there are a variey of methods one could use to travel underwater, so I don't believe this should be an issue.
  2. I do feel pretty strongly about keeping the waters transformation effect, since this is the power described in current lore and creates a suitable sense of danger without being removed from Fei's personality. Like in the point above there are hundred of ways for players to transform themselves back again, and as the fracture isn't sentient they'll have as much time to prepare as they need before entering.
word count: 137
Fast Facts
Noticeable quirks your character can see when threading with Tio.

Floats

Tio floats in the air, usually just a foot off the ground.

Explodeibur

Tio wears a scary looking gauntlet on his right hand that is clearly magical. It creates explosions.

Mercury

Tio has a masked alter ego who leads The Court of Miracles.

Enchanting Voice

Tio's voice has hypnotic properties.
User avatar
Rei'sari
Approved Character
Posts: 836
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:47 pm
Race: Mixed Race
Renown: 451
Character Sheet
Character Wiki
Plot Notes
Personal Journal
Templates
Letters
Point Bank Thread
Wealth Tier: Tier 8

Contribution

Milestones

RP Medals

Miscellaneous

Events

Re: The Grand Fracture of Fei

I do feel pretty strongly about keeping the waters transformation effect, since this is the power described in current lore and creates a suitable sense of danger without being removed from Fei's personality. Like in the point above there are hundred of ways for players to transform themselves back again, and as the fracture isn't sentient they'll have as much time to prepare as they need before entering.
I'm not saying that there aren't a number of ways that people can change back. Just that many, even most of those ways aren't going to be available to most players. Using the magic option as an example, if you don't already know that Becoming and Graft exist, it will be virtually impossible to learn of them once you are turned into a creature that can't survive on land. It would be even less likely that you could be initiated in those magics. It might be possible to learn about it from a random Mer NPC if you could get permission to create one that has the magic you want. But realistically, if you've been turned into a dolphin or a sea turtle, it is unlikely you will find a Mer willing to initiate you. It is more likely that they would see you as dinner. For that matter, if you are a sea creature that doesn't have hands, creating a totem isn't really going to be possible either.

Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. As I said before, I believe something like this should come with significant risk. It just seems to me that getting turned into a sea creature by the fracture would be same thing as your character dying as far as being able to play them goes. Possibly worse since if a PC dies, you can play them as a ghost, but if they're a sea turtle for the rest of their natural lives, well...that's a lot harder to play.
word count: 338
Rei'sari was formerly Ari'sora, but after getting a fresh start in life and a new appearance from Vega, she changed her name to Rei'sari.
Locked Request an XP Review Claim Wealth Thread

Return to “CtW - Approved, needs Wiki'd”