• Solo • A Challenge Between Sisters

Seira takes on a challenge from her twin. Work thread.

The capital city of the of Rynmere, here is seated the only King in Idalos.
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Seira Shiryu
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Race: Human
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A Challenge Between Sisters

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Seira stared at the blank sheet of paper sitting in front of her accusingly, and sighed in frustration. It had started out as a challenge from her sister. Just a simple challenge. Seira and her sister had been practicing a new song they had just learned. It was a popular song that seemed to have sprung into existence overnight. But all of the bards were singing it now. And if they wanted to stay competitive so they could earn good tips, then they couldn't afford to be the only bards in Andaris who didn't know the song.

After they had been practicing the song for several breaks, Seri had come up with the challenge. Take one of their favorite songs, and create new words for it. Simple, right? Wrong.

Seira was allowed to pick any subject she wanted to create the lyrics around. But then she had to somehow include nine phrases of her twin's choice as part of the lyrics. They would each choose a song to create lyrics for, and they would perform their songs during their performance three trials from now. The winner would be the one whose song was more popular. This would be decided by the amount of tips each song earned them. And Seira was determined to win.

The biggest problem was where to start? Seira already knew what song she was going to use. It was one she had loved for as long as she could remember. It was perfect just as it was. And that was the problem. How did one change perfection? Why mess with a good thing?

After a while, Seira realized that she didn't have to. The song she wanted to use told a story. Why not just continue it? It could be a sequel of sorts. That seemed like the easiest thing to do, so Seira turned her attention to the song.

The song that Seira wanted to use was about a young girl who was treated badly by her family, and her village because she was different. Seeking peace from their torment, and ridicule, the girl fled into the nearby woods. Since the forest was thought to be magical, no one was willing to follow her into it. Because of this, the forest became her sanctuary. While there, she made friends with a wolf pack, who gradually came to see the girl as one of their own. These wolves were able to take human form during the night of a full moon. As time passed, the girl fell in love with one of the male wolves, a promising young hunter who had recently proven his skill, and earned the right to take a mate. He loved the girl as much as she loved him. But their love was a forbidden one because they were from two separate peoples. It was a sad song, but it was one with a happy ending. The girl made a wish during the night of an eclipse, longing for a way to be with the man she loved. Within the world of the song, eclipses were supposed to be magical. The girl's wish was granted, and she became a wolf so she could be with the man that she loved.
Last edited by Seira Shiryu on Sun Jul 31, 2016 3:00 pm, edited 2 times in total. word count: 553
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Seira Shiryu
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Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2016 5:23 pm
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A Challenge Between Sisters

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The song had been around for many arcs, and from what Seira could tell, it was a song that would never lose appeal. It was a tragic song in that the heroine was rejected by those around her. But she found love and acceptance, so the song had a happy ending. Magic was involved, and the song even had a moral buried within it; to embrace change when it presents itself if in doing so, one can better one's position in life, or find happiness.

So...how to improve it? Seira wasn't convinced that she could. Or even that she should try. What she could do was continue the story. Seira frowned at the page, deep in thought as she tried to imagine what might happen next. Should she try to think up a second adventure for the girl who had already found happiness? What would motivate her to seek out more than what she already had? Perhaps it would be best to take a leap forward in time, and focus on a child born to the pair? That had promise. Seira thought she could work with that idea.

On a whim, she decided that the character in this song ballad should be the daughter of the girl in the first. She would be born into the pack, and unlike her mother, she would have many friends. But she would be a dreamer, always believing the mysterious unknown to be better than what she had. So she would have grown up with stories about how her mother was once something other than what she was now. But unlike her mother, she would be fascinated by her mother's village. As a cub, she would sneak off to watch them from the woods surrounding the village whenever she could. No matter how many times she was cautioned to stay away, her endless curiosity would draw her back. She would meet a young boy, and become his friend. And as they grew, she would watch over him whenever he ventured into the forest. As time passed, she would fall in love with him.

Seira began jotting down an outline of the first few verses of the song. These were the ones that would deal with the young girl as she met the boy, and watched over him as they grew up. There was something to be said about series of songs that came full circle. And she needed something magical that would allow the girl to become human whenever she wished, not just during the night of a full moon. But she didn't want to use an eclipse like the original song had. That would make them too much alike. So what could she use? After a while, she decided on a magical pool of water. When she gazed upon the surface of the pool while in her wolf form, her reflection would be that of a human girl. And when she was human, she would see a wolf gazing back at her. Seeing her reflection would trigger the change, and she would turn into whichever form she saw gazing back at her.

With that decided, she started writing out the middle verses of the song. The ones that would describe her falling in love, and discovering the magical pool that would allow her to change form at will so that she could be with the man that she loved. When she was done with that, it was time to decide how the song would end. Would the girl live happily ever after the way her mother had? There was some appeal in that. Happy endings made for good songs. But then, so did tragic ones. And a purely happy ending would mirror the original song too much. At the same time, Seira didn't feel like turning her song into a tragedy, either. So something in the middle was needed.

Seira gave the matter some serious thought. What about a happy ending...but one where a sacrifice of some sort had to be made in order to get it? Losing something to gain something else. A choice to me made...one that could not be reversed if the girl should change her mind. Not without severe consequences, at least. It would turn the ending into something bittersweet. Not exactly happy, but not a tragedy, either.

Decision made, Seira's thoughts turned to what kind of choice would have to be made. What kind of sacrifice would fit the story told in the song? After a few breaks, it came to her; what if the girl had to choose between the man she had fallen in love with, and her family and friends? He might love her in return, but be terrified of wolves, or magic. Possibly even both. So if she married him, she would have to become fully human, rejecting the wolf within her, and losing the ability to change back. In doing so, she would lose her family, her pack...everything that she had ever known or loved.

So. The question then became...what would the girl choose? Love, or family? Comfort and safety, or an uncertain future with the man that she loved? The obvious answer would be that the girl chose love, of course. It was predictable. Standard fare in a love song. But what if she were to throw an unexpected twist into the song? Done right, it would work well. Some of the most popular songs were the ones that strayed from the safe, predictable path.

Seira knew that if she were faced with such a choice, and had a family that loved her, she would never be able to give them up. Not even for true love. Even with the family she had had, she knew that nothing would ever even tempt her to give up her twin. With that thought in mind, Seira decided that the girl in her song would choose family, and the familiar world she knew, too. In doing so, she would come to appreciate them more. The feeling of wanting something more would ease...but it would never leave her entirely. She would see the man she fell in love with from time to time. Watch as he married another, and had children even as she found a mate, and had cubs of her own. But the fascination for a world that was not hers would never leave her, and every time she saw a human, she would wonder...had she made the right choice?
word count: 1096
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Seira Shiryu
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A Challenge Between Sisters

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Seira had decided what she wanted her song to be about, and the key events that she wanted to include in it. So now it was time for her to start trying to work in the nine lines that her sister had come up with for her to use as part of their challenge. Looking at the list of lines she had been given, Seira quickly realized that it would be easier for her to use some of the lines than it would be for her to work others in. A few of the lines, such as "Torn between two worlds, where is my true home?" fit the subject of her song perfectly. Others weren't a perfect fit, but they were close enough that they could be made to fit without too much effort. But there were a few the Seira dreaded working with.

Seira decided that she wanted to work with the easiest lines first. That way she would have more time to devote to the more difficult lines later. Otherwise, she'd risk running out of time, and having to admit defeat if the hard lines took more time than she anticipated. It didn't take Seira more than a break to work the first three lines of the challenge into her song. They fit the story perfectly, and Seirei might well have come up with something similar on her own. And since they were so perfect for her song, Seira was able to work them in while writing the lyrics rather than waiting until she was finished, and looking for places to add the required lines.

Working with the next set of three lines was harder. They weren't a perfect fit for the story her song told the way the first three were. But they did fit the mood she was trying to achieve with the song. So they weren't impossible to work with. After giving the matter some thought, Seira decided to add another verse to the song. One that described a date that the girl and the man she loved went on while they were getting to know each other. It would take place on the beach, and have them going for a moonlit walk along the shore. Lines such as "The sound of the waves beating against the ancient shore," and "Bathed in moonlight, her fay form glowed from within, proving the strength of her love" made more sense within the setting of her new verse.

Finally, it was time for Seira to work the last three lines into her song. Seira scowled at the page in front of her darkly. These lines would be the hardest for her to deal with.

How, exactly, am I supposed to include "Juice of pear, rich and sweet, dripped from his mouth like tears of gold" without ruining my song? she thought in frustration.

It took her well over a break for her to deal with each line. And even then, Seira wasn't fully satisfied with her efforts. The line about the pear was eventually added to the verse that included the date. "Shouts of fury woke the sleeping glade," and "Woe the folly of youth, they heed not the wisdom of their elders" required that she add yet another verse, this time, about an argument between the girl and her mother over her fascination with humans.

Her song was finally finished. Seira sang it softly a few times, wanting to make sure it sounded okay. Then she decided to go find her sister, and see if she was having as much trouble as Seira had had with their challenge.
word count: 614
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Vluharqih
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A Challenge Between Sisters

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Seira Shiryu

Skills
Collaboration 0/5
Structure 5/5
Story 5/5
Basic Knowledge
Song Writing: Fitting Words to a Tune
Seriel: Competition prompts Creativity
Song Writing: Working under a Deadline
Specific Knowledge
Performing: Crowds Love Love
Song Writing: Unexpected Twists are Good
Fame
+2 for Writing somewhat original music

Rewards/Injuries
None


Remarks
:

I really enjoyed reading this. When you outlined her ‘new’ song, I was worried it was just going to be the reverse of her mothers trip, but I was pleasantly surprised by the twist you put in.

I noticed several very brief sentences that could’ve been combined just to make the story flow a little better. For example, in the first paragraph "Seira and her sister had been practicing a new song they had just learned. It was a popular song that seemed to have sprung into existence overnight. But all of the bards were singing it now."

Could be combined into "Seira and her sister had been practicing a popular new song they had just learned. All of the bards were singing it now, but it seemed to have sprung into existence overnight."

A couple of other places had too many commas, which made it choppy again, but these are minor issues. Just something to keep in mind.

If you wanted some more precise outlining, or wanted to discuss anything else about this, feel free to shoot me a PM! I look forward to reading more of your threads!
word count: 253
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