The Necromantress Formerly Known as Ellasin
Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2018 4:05 pm
718 Vhalar 12...
“Come in.”
“You… asked to see me, Fiona O’Conner, the Cataclysmic Nightmare of Emea?”
“Fiona is fine, Mathias. Our Coven-given epithets are unnecessary. This is a safe space.”
“I still prefer you use it, if it is all the same to you.”
“Very well, Shield of Diamond Dawn.”
“Thank you. What is this about, if you do not mind me being direct? I was just starting into the third training module for the new Naxoses: ‘Proper Distribution of Eviscera and Various Other Internal and External Leavings’.”
“Do you find that training module necessary, Mathias? Do-”
“Shield of the Diamond Dawn.”
“-you think it’s an excessive bit of curriculum for the arcane leaders of the Coven’s future?”
“I… of course. How else will people be able to identify our very particular brand of bloody, gruesome, and needlessly violent executions of those who we arbitrarily deem an impetus to the glory of the Coven’s grand mastery over All Things Mundane and Magical™?”
“What if I told you that our brand image of being brutal arcane supremacists is, uh, detrimental in this day and age. What if I told you that Ellasin herself-”
“Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil, the Necromantress?”
“-Why do you people insist on doing that everytime I mention Ellasin’s name-”
“Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil, the Necromantress?”
“Yes. That. Her. She’s re-assigned me from vice chair of the Flaying corps to Head of Arcane-Human Relations in order to foster a new better brand image for a new modern Coven. No longer can we coast on the fear and brutality, Mathias-”
“Shield-”
“Can I meet you halfway? I’ll call you DD.”
“...That is not… I do not understand. Why now? Has something changed? I have no received any new or relevant information from my supervisors, and you yourself are well aware that the very first training module includes ‘Picking the Proper and Completely Relevant and Appropriate Moniker to Add to the End of Your Name as a Self-given Title’ right after ‘What Exactly Is Senseless Murder’.”
“And we will keep it per tradition. But we’re now looking at… softer words. Positive slogans. I’ve already picked out a few names for our next batch of Naxos’. Please take a look.”
“The Helper? Hope Bringer? Dawn of Charity? Gloved Mitten of Compassion? Touch of Love?”
“You sound… upset.”
“These are terrible names, for one. They have no presence, no sense of grandeur and- Friend? That is not even multi-syllabic!”
“It’s comes with a good message, DD, and a good message is what we need to finally bring the Coven out into the light!”
“Into the- what was wrong with the old message?”
“What isn’t? Name me one -one- good thing about the our current slogan.”
“‘Power Is Power’? What about that is not good? And ‘The Coven Is All’ very clearly supports not only camaraderie, but also very grandly suggests - and quite accurately, I might add - the execution exit clause in all employee contracts. They are both awe-inspiring and informative. Especially ‘Abolish the Hierarchies’; the seemingly counter-intuitive nature of that slogan in particular especially points to the absurdity in the general nature of life and why it should - no, must - be toppled.”
“Let’s pretend for a moment that everything you said did not just highlight the need to disband our Empathy Realignment Program-”
“There is no Empathy Realignment Program in Rynmere.”
“-Yes, of course. But the fact remains that mages of this modern seven hundredth century age have other outlets to pursue their talents. They have the Seekers, and the Acaba, and the Dumatos, and then there’s those daredevils who are into ‘just a prank’ employment opportunities enlistments in the Mantises, moving up to Hiladrith mage hunters after no more than a two arc progression scheme. Point is: the whole blood and death and bad bosses-”
“‘Revere the Necromantress’ is still the third, and very important, tenet, Fiona O’Connor, the Cataclysmic Nightmare of Emea.”
“Did I say bad bosses? I meant bad middle management. All hail Ellasin.”
“Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil-”
“YES. HER. SHE’S SWELL-”
“She is, I agree.”
“POINT. IS. WE CAN’T COMPETE.”
“Then why not organize several units of season Naxosi under our very capable Sotrosei and eliminate the competition as we have always done?”
“Because 80% of them die before they complete the fourth -of twenty, I might add- Training Module.”
“That still leaves a sizable force, given the enlistment rates and-”
“And 60% of the survivors die during the initiations.”
“Well, not all of them undergo initiations. After all, as it says in the ‘New Naxos Namuel’: ‘You are not necessarily required to be mages, but you are required to be useful.’ I am certain there are at least… five or so of those around. Doing... something.”
“Yeah. Three of them go into the Flaying Chambers for processing.”
“Oh. I was wondering why my new wells were very distinctly Ithecal shaped.”
“That’s because I got a mandate from a Sae’A’Fei who will not be named coughvincentthemindrenderimmortalwhataprickcough that Ymiden EVIL theme of the month would be speciesism.”
“I do enjoy all the zaney themes they come up with for Eventful and Vile Integration of Loathing. What is the phrase…? ‘How fun’?”
“Do you not see a problem with all this?”
“From the incredulous look on your face, I feel as though I should respond with ‘yes’...”
“I… We’re EVIL. We’re capital letter ‘E’ EVIL. That’s not good. That is literally not good and it’s chasing our prospects away. I mean which Sae’A’Fei’s idea was it to dress up the orientation in the entrails of their infants?”
“Well, certainly not Talia the Night Sky. There are not many stars up there, if you get my meaning.”
“... I don’t.”
“...oh.”
“No, seriously, I don’t. What is that suppose to mean?”
“It- it was something I heard during that event. I assumed you would know what it meant, since you are… well... anyway. They did not even have the traditional ‘Rend the Flesh From Your Parent and/or Guardian’s Living Screaming Body’ at the end. Just a mixer. I do, at least, agree that that orientation was a complete letdown.”
“No.”
“I don’t think ‘that orientation was good’ is the opinion of any self-respecting Coven elite-”
“No, I mean… I’m not a gay mage. You just did that thing with your hands.”
“What thing?”
“That thing where you waggle your index fingers and bash them together and coil them around each other erotically. YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW.”
“I do not know what you are referring to. This is how my hands always are.”
“No, they were on your lap a bit ago. CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT.”
“Doing what? This?”
“GODS DA-”
“Or this?”
“YES. THAT. In the new modern Coven, this would go to Inhuman Resources straight away-”
“More reason for me not to endorse it, hm?”
“I don’t need your endorsement! This is a mandate from Ellasin-”
“Ellasin-”
“YES. HER. SHE WANTS THIS. OBEY.”
“Well, I do not see her here backing you in this. It is ‘Revere the Necromantress’, after all. Not ‘Obey Middlemanagement’.”
“That epithet is being changed and, with it, its tenet. From next season onwards, there will be no more Necromantress to revere.”
“...excuse me?”
“I did not stutter.”
“Yes, well, you will have to forgive my surprise at the mention of the removal of Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil, the Necromantress, the creator and leader of the Coven of Ellasin.”
“Why is that necessary every single time?”
“Why in the world do you think it is not?”
“Because my tongue is sore six syllables in! I’m not an empath!
“Clearly.”
“I can’t coast my way through life on useless charm and a fat mouth!”
“Well, at least you have… fat. I have heard it helps when life tosses you out like old refuse. Extra padding.”
“That comment has been noted-”
“Good, I am a bit behind on Mandatory Derogatives this month. I have been trying to get them in where I can.”
“-and disciplinary action will be executed when the new policies kick in next season. Any mention of the word ‘Necromantress’ will also be punished with a strict-”
“Please say beheading. I so love my taboos.”
“Come in.”
“You… asked to see me, Fiona O’Conner, the Cataclysmic Nightmare of Emea?”
“Fiona is fine, Mathias. Our Coven-given epithets are unnecessary. This is a safe space.”
“I still prefer you use it, if it is all the same to you.”
“Very well, Shield of Diamond Dawn.”
“Thank you. What is this about, if you do not mind me being direct? I was just starting into the third training module for the new Naxoses: ‘Proper Distribution of Eviscera and Various Other Internal and External Leavings’.”
“Do you find that training module necessary, Mathias? Do-”
“Shield of the Diamond Dawn.”
“-you think it’s an excessive bit of curriculum for the arcane leaders of the Coven’s future?”
“I… of course. How else will people be able to identify our very particular brand of bloody, gruesome, and needlessly violent executions of those who we arbitrarily deem an impetus to the glory of the Coven’s grand mastery over All Things Mundane and Magical™?”
“What if I told you that our brand image of being brutal arcane supremacists is, uh, detrimental in this day and age. What if I told you that Ellasin herself-”
“Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil, the Necromantress?”
“-Why do you people insist on doing that everytime I mention Ellasin’s name-”
“Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil, the Necromantress?”
“Yes. That. Her. She’s re-assigned me from vice chair of the Flaying corps to Head of Arcane-Human Relations in order to foster a new better brand image for a new modern Coven. No longer can we coast on the fear and brutality, Mathias-”
“Shield-”
“Can I meet you halfway? I’ll call you DD.”
“...That is not… I do not understand. Why now? Has something changed? I have no received any new or relevant information from my supervisors, and you yourself are well aware that the very first training module includes ‘Picking the Proper and Completely Relevant and Appropriate Moniker to Add to the End of Your Name as a Self-given Title’ right after ‘What Exactly Is Senseless Murder’.”
“And we will keep it per tradition. But we’re now looking at… softer words. Positive slogans. I’ve already picked out a few names for our next batch of Naxos’. Please take a look.”
“The Helper? Hope Bringer? Dawn of Charity? Gloved Mitten of Compassion? Touch of Love?”
“You sound… upset.”
“These are terrible names, for one. They have no presence, no sense of grandeur and- Friend? That is not even multi-syllabic!”
“It’s comes with a good message, DD, and a good message is what we need to finally bring the Coven out into the light!”
“Into the- what was wrong with the old message?”
“What isn’t? Name me one -one- good thing about the our current slogan.”
“‘Power Is Power’? What about that is not good? And ‘The Coven Is All’ very clearly supports not only camaraderie, but also very grandly suggests - and quite accurately, I might add - the execution exit clause in all employee contracts. They are both awe-inspiring and informative. Especially ‘Abolish the Hierarchies’; the seemingly counter-intuitive nature of that slogan in particular especially points to the absurdity in the general nature of life and why it should - no, must - be toppled.”
“Let’s pretend for a moment that everything you said did not just highlight the need to disband our Empathy Realignment Program-”
“There is no Empathy Realignment Program in Rynmere.”
“-Yes, of course. But the fact remains that mages of this modern seven hundredth century age have other outlets to pursue their talents. They have the Seekers, and the Acaba, and the Dumatos, and then there’s those daredevils who are into ‘just a prank’ employment opportunities enlistments in the Mantises, moving up to Hiladrith mage hunters after no more than a two arc progression scheme. Point is: the whole blood and death and bad bosses-”
“‘Revere the Necromantress’ is still the third, and very important, tenet, Fiona O’Connor, the Cataclysmic Nightmare of Emea.”
“Did I say bad bosses? I meant bad middle management. All hail Ellasin.”
“Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil-”
“YES. HER. SHE’S SWELL-”
“She is, I agree.”
“POINT. IS. WE CAN’T COMPETE.”
“Then why not organize several units of season Naxosi under our very capable Sotrosei and eliminate the competition as we have always done?”
“Because 80% of them die before they complete the fourth -of twenty, I might add- Training Module.”
“That still leaves a sizable force, given the enlistment rates and-”
“And 60% of the survivors die during the initiations.”
“Well, not all of them undergo initiations. After all, as it says in the ‘New Naxos Namuel’: ‘You are not necessarily required to be mages, but you are required to be useful.’ I am certain there are at least… five or so of those around. Doing... something.”
“Yeah. Three of them go into the Flaying Chambers for processing.”
“Oh. I was wondering why my new wells were very distinctly Ithecal shaped.”
“That’s because I got a mandate from a Sae’A’Fei who will not be named coughvincentthemindrenderimmortalwhataprickcough that Ymiden EVIL theme of the month would be speciesism.”
“I do enjoy all the zaney themes they come up with for Eventful and Vile Integration of Loathing. What is the phrase…? ‘How fun’?”
“Do you not see a problem with all this?”
“From the incredulous look on your face, I feel as though I should respond with ‘yes’...”
“I… We’re EVIL. We’re capital letter ‘E’ EVIL. That’s not good. That is literally not good and it’s chasing our prospects away. I mean which Sae’A’Fei’s idea was it to dress up the orientation in the entrails of their infants?”
“Well, certainly not Talia the Night Sky. There are not many stars up there, if you get my meaning.”
“... I don’t.”
“...oh.”
“No, seriously, I don’t. What is that suppose to mean?”
“It- it was something I heard during that event. I assumed you would know what it meant, since you are… well... anyway. They did not even have the traditional ‘Rend the Flesh From Your Parent and/or Guardian’s Living Screaming Body’ at the end. Just a mixer. I do, at least, agree that that orientation was a complete letdown.”
“No.”
“I don’t think ‘that orientation was good’ is the opinion of any self-respecting Coven elite-”
“No, I mean… I’m not a gay mage. You just did that thing with your hands.”
“What thing?”
“That thing where you waggle your index fingers and bash them together and coil them around each other erotically. YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW.”
“I do not know what you are referring to. This is how my hands always are.”
“No, they were on your lap a bit ago. CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT.”
“Doing what? This?”
“GODS DA-”
“Or this?”
“YES. THAT. In the new modern Coven, this would go to Inhuman Resources straight away-”
“More reason for me not to endorse it, hm?”
“I don’t need your endorsement! This is a mandate from Ellasin-”
“Ellasin-”
“YES. HER. SHE WANTS THIS. OBEY.”
“Well, I do not see her here backing you in this. It is ‘Revere the Necromantress’, after all. Not ‘Obey Middlemanagement’.”
“That epithet is being changed and, with it, its tenet. From next season onwards, there will be no more Necromantress to revere.”
“...excuse me?”
“I did not stutter.”
“Yes, well, you will have to forgive my surprise at the mention of the removal of Ellasin Dathlande, Sera ba Randil, the Necromantress, the creator and leader of the Coven of Ellasin.”
“Why is that necessary every single time?”
“Why in the world do you think it is not?”
“Because my tongue is sore six syllables in! I’m not an empath!
“Clearly.”
“I can’t coast my way through life on useless charm and a fat mouth!”
“Well, at least you have… fat. I have heard it helps when life tosses you out like old refuse. Extra padding.”
“That comment has been noted-”
“Good, I am a bit behind on Mandatory Derogatives this month. I have been trying to get them in where I can.”
“-and disciplinary action will be executed when the new policies kick in next season. Any mention of the word ‘Necromantress’ will also be punished with a strict-”
“Please say beheading. I so love my taboos.”
