Mouse Friend

[Kira]

sdfds

[Mads]

Kira

Knowledge.........

Necromancy: Swarms can be raised from a skeleton
Necromancy: Undead can crave flesh
Necromancy: My ether has preserving properties
Necromancy: Preserve can make food stay fresh
Music Composition: Treble Cleff

If you would like to add an additional Knowledge, please feel free to PM it to me, and I'll edit this review.

Loot....................

None

Consequence......

-1 SN

Renown..............

None

Experience...........

10 - Novice Necromancy

Gramatically sound with... one? spelling error! Two things I'd say to consider, when you're writing about the tutor, you switch from girl to wonan once, which is a little confusing. I can also help to give someone a name, even if they're just temporary, to help with distinguishing between the characters in a story, as there were a few instances where I wasn't sure who was doing what. Also, not incorrect but a bit jarring, switching from the past tense/past perfect tense to the future tense felt unecessary in this solo. Typically "would" is used when threading with another person to help smooth transitions, espcially in combat threads. Here, you are in control over everything, so you can simply write out what they though, why, what they did, etc. without using "would" to allude to it as a possibilty of happening. Otherwise, it was a very nice, linear progression of story and grind. Kira seems pretty curious, and it would have been nice to see a little more of her thoughts along with her actions. Keep it up!

Please edit your grade request.

Code: Select all

[center][img]/gallery/image/15032/medium[/img][/center]