Thundering in the Night

Once an isolated and dying township, an influx of academics, adventurers and thrill seekers have made Scalvoris Town their home. From scholars' tea shops to a new satellite campus for Viden Academy, this is an exciting place to visit or make your home!

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Hikaru
Posts: 199
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 3:04 am
Race: Human
Renown: 0
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Wealth Tier: Tier 1

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Thundering in the Night

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Last edited by Hikaru on Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:37 pm, edited 3 times in total. word count: 1
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Mads
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Posts: 382
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:37 pm
Race: Human
Profession: hex hawker
Renown: 65
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Wealth Tier: Tier 5

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Re: Thundering in the Night

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Hikaru
Knowledge.........
Stealth: Breathing quietly
Seduction: Don’t be too touchy
Seduction: Keep the offer open

Rupturing: Roaring – is louder than a normal portal
Rupturing: Roaring – serves as a great distraction
Rupturing: can do more than make portals

These knowledges have been removed. If you would like non-magic related knowledges to replace them, please PM the list to me, and I will add them in retroactively.
Loot....................
None
Consequence......
If you would like to keep this particular event canon, the overstepping is as follows:
For the remainder of the cycle, Hikaru will spontaneously vomit blood - this will mark an onset of extreme nausea and a piercing headache that makes him extremely sensative to sound. Nausea will last for roughtly six hours; the headache will last until he is able to sleep for the night; the sound sensativity will last for 36 hours. From this point on, whenever Hikaru makes use of Roaring, he will be temporarily completely deafened for the duration of the Roar and for one minute after the Roar has ended.
Renown..............
None
Experience...........
10
Note on Review Requests: if you are requesting experience in a magic that is close enough to a competency threshold that the awarded points will be enough to push the skill into the next competency rank, you must either apply for the level up or not request magic experience at all. This is to avoid mages writing multiple novice solos, hoarding points, and putting them all into the magic at once. Magic should be a progression.

Note on Magic Use: Hikaru is a novice rupturer. As a novice, he is limited to the abilities within his competency level. "Roaring" is a competent level ability which he does not have access to. Additionally, a competent level mutation occurs during or after the mage has reached a competent level in their respective magic. Magic points and knowledges cannot be awarded for this thread. If you would like to keep the events of this thread cannon, you will need to accept an overstepping pentalty for Hikaru trying to access abilities his spark isn't yet prepared for; otherwise, I am willing to award the non-magic knowledges and points, and Hikaru doesn't need to have this event be a canon part of his story.

Interesting enough thread. Your use of "would" severily jars the overall flow of your writing. Typically, in a play by post roleplaying format, players will use "would" to denote a potential outcome for a specific action to give their partner an idea of how their character might react and to preserve the flow of their collaborative writing. In a solo, you don't really need to do this, so it becomes an uncomfortable hopping back and forth between tenses. While you had a few spelling errors, overall it appears as though you do some self-editing and removie any large enough issues that would be overly noticeable. The progression of the story was quite nice, though overall the content felt a bit empty - in this case the randomness of the event without any real closure or suggestion of closure offered nothing to ground the event. Hikaru's advance on the woman, however, was nicely done. It very accurately captured the manner in which some men believe women's bodies to be their property as well as portrayed the unapologetic mindset in his reaction.
Please edit your grade request.

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