• Closed • Seeking Help

Once an isolated and dying township, an influx of academics, adventurers and thrill seekers have made Scalvoris Town their home. From scholars' tea shops to a new satellite campus for Viden Academy, this is an exciting place to visit or make your home!

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Lei'lira
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Mon Jun 25, 2018 1:48 am

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3rd Ymiden, 718



The twins were fussing this morning, so Teia took charge of Kaien in order to allow her to deal with them. It didn't take long for her to learn that they both needed clean diapers. Lei'lira left Tiran and Taerin with Teia briefly so she could get the things she needed. The house they were staying in was equipped with a changing table, so she had an ideal place to work when she was ready.

Tiran was the more demanding of the twins, so Lei'lira started with him first. He seemed to understand that relief was coming, so he lay still when she lay him on the changing table. Gaining access to the dirty diaper was easy enough thanks to the "dresses" she used for the twins; all she had to do was lift up the skirt part of the dress. Lei'lira quickly removed the soiled diaper, and set it aside so that it could be washed later. Then she tickled Tiran's sides, and blew kisses into his chest as a reward for being so good. He chortled and shrieked happily, completely distracted from the task at hand.

Cleaning him up was the next step. It was easier a task than it could have been since there was no poop this time, but unless he was playing in it, Tiran hated the feel of water on his skin unless it was nice and warm. Since Lei'lira hadn't had the time to warm the water she was using first, he fussed a little. Fortunately, she had learned that the twins loved the sound of her voice. So she sang softly as she worked, and Tiran settled down fairly quickly. It didn't seem to matter what she sang as long as she did, and since the only songs that came to mind at the trill were lullabies, she sang a series of nonsense words at her son.

She used a damp cloth to clean her son up, making certain to wipe him from front to back. The healer who had helped her with her first pregnancy told her that by doing so, she could prevent the area from getting infected. She told Lei'lira that this was more important for girls than boys, but that she should do it for both. It was better to be safe than sorry when children were concerned. As she cleaned her son up, she checked for signs of chafing, and the redness and inflammation that would mean that he had diaper rash. When the twins were first born, she'd learned that both could easily be prevented by changing soiled diapers as soon as they were soiled. It was why checking them several trials was so important, and why smell couldn't be relied on as the main indicator of a soiled diaper.

Once she had finished cleaning Tiran up, she made certain to wait until his skin was dry before putting a clean diaper on him. By then, Taerin was quite insistent that it was her turn, so she and Teia traded twins. Kaien's diaper didn't need to be changed yet, so it was breakfast time. This time, it was Lei'lira's turn to watch the kids while Teia cooked. That way, she could nurse Kaien while the meal was being prepared. Once the food was ready, the twins weren't going to want to wait to eat. Lei'lira couldn't help but sigh in relief when her milk came readily when Kaien began to suckle. The tea that Faith had given her had really helped, and she continued to drink a cup each trial just to be safe. It helped that she enjoyed the flavor, and it made a good drink to go along with breakfast.

The meal was a simple one, and the two adults made short work of cleaning up the dishes afterwards. Tiran and Taerin tried to "help" by patting their hands in the dirty dishes before they were brought to the basin to be washed. When everything was finished, Lei'lira and Teia bundled up the kids, and made their way to the clinic. Lei'lira had an appointment with Faith. She was somewhat nervous about the appointment because talking about what had happened to her in the past was very painful for her. But her experiences with the healer she'd worked with in Rharne had taught her that it really did help. And with Faith, she already trusted the other woman enough to talk about things that were deeply private because of everything the other woman had done for her.
Off Topic
Desired Knowledges

Caregiving: how to change a diaper
Caregiving: don't rely on smell to know when a diaper needs changing; check several times a trial
Caregiving: balancing the needs of twins
Caregiving: patience is essential
Caregiving: time management is critical when dealing with children
Endurance: dealing with three young children at once
Medicine: the signs of diaper rash
Medicine: chafing and diaper rash can be prevented by changing soiled diapers as soon as they are soiled
Singing: anything can be a song

Tiran: loves the sound of Lei'lira's voice

Taerin: loves the sound of Lei'lira's voice
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Faith
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Sun Jul 01, 2018 7:41 pm

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Faith was working in Aeon's Hope to-trial. The clinic which had been funded by Isonomia and was run in conjunction with the Order of the Adunih. She had been here for a few trials while they were setting up and she was seeing some clients today. This morning, she'd spent some time working with one of the docks survivors who was experiencing flashbacks and panic attacks. Things were clearly too much for him and he knew that he needed help, which Faith was happy to provide. That was the point of Aeon's hope, after all - to be somewhere where people could come and get genuine help.

Her next client was Lei'lira and Faith had to admit that she wasn't sure that her being Lei'lira's therapist was a good idea. Whilst the woman no doubt felt comfortable with her, Faith knew that there was a danger in terms of boundaries and also Faith thought that maybe the two of them might be friends. That would not and could not ever really be the case if she was Lei'lira's therapist. It was a position which involved power on her part and vulnerability on Lei'lira's. But then, that was what it was and if it was needed then Faith was quite happy to sacrifice any notion of might be in the future for what was needed now.

So, she sat in the small room where she and Lei'lira would meet. It was a nice, bright place with a lot of windows. It looked out over the river which ran through the town. The windows let in lots of natural light, the room was pale and had pleasant but neutral paintings on the wall and the ceilings were high. It felt spacious and roomy and there were comfortable places for Lei'lira to sit, or places to stand and things to look at. When the receptionist popped his head in and asked if she was alright, Faith nodded. "When Lei'lira arrives, just show her straight through, would you?" He nodded his head and put down the cup of tea he'd brought her. Faith smiled at him gratefully.

Breathing in, she sat and sipped her tea, wondering if this was the best idea, but knowing that Lei'lira needed someone to talk to. Boundaries would be something that they would have to be very careful of, but the bottom line was that Faith would help the very best she could. So, when Lei'lira came in, Faith smiled in greeting. "Hello! Come on in." She'd get them set up with tea and then smile. !How are you feeling?"
"To be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

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Lei'lira
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Sun Jul 22, 2018 10:38 pm

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It was probably a good thing that the man who worked at the desk seemed to know who she was, and what she was there for. Between the mere fact that he was a man, and the mood she was in as she tried to prepare herself for her appointment with Faith, it was all she could do not to retreat the way she had come. Speaking to the man was well beyond what she was capable of at the trill. But he seemed to sense her fear because he smiled at her reassuringly, and made an effort to look as non threatening as possible. The man spoke softly, and calmly as he told her that Aeon's Hope had been started and funded by Isonomia and was run by the Order of the Adunih. The small talk helped to calm her somewhat, as did the soothing tone the man spoke in. His seeming to sense that she needed plenty of space helped as well.

Teia and the kids were shown to a place where they could wait in peace while Lei'lira was shown into a small, brightly lit room with a lot of windows, and a beautiful view of the river. The room felt...peaceful, somehow, and Lei'lira guessed that that was deliberate. Perhaps it was the soft colors. Or perhaps it was something to do with the pretty paintings. They were pretty, and nice to look at, but not in a way that really drew attention to them. Lei'lira didn't know much about art, but it was easy to guess that these paintings had been chosen to create a soothing environment more than to showcase their beauty.

Seeing that Lei'lira was taking a few trills to look around, the receptionist used her distraction to have a quick whispered word with Faith. He mentioned how frightened Lei'lira had seemed of him, and that if she was that frightened of him, it was likely that she feared all men. It wasn't like he was an intimidating looking man, after all, and when he had seen how nervous she was, he had taken pains to seem even more unthreatening than usual.

Faith's greeting had Lei'lira returning the other woman's smile, and offering a quiet greeting of her own. When she was offered tea, she accepted the cup with thanks as she took a seat in the corner. As she sipped it carefully, she smiled.

"It's good."

When Faith asked her how she was feeling, Lei'lira's first impulse was to say she was fine, and ask how Faith was doing. It was an automatic response to questions like that. Almost rote, really. But that wouldn't help her here. She was here in the hope that Faith could help her, and for that, she knew she needed to be honest. So she took a few bits to think before responding.

"Better now that I am here. I...I'm really not good with crowds, and there were a lot of people out while we were coming here."

Lei'lira hesitated before continuing.

"Teia had to come with me, so she and the kids are in the waiting room. I hate making them come with me any time I need to go somewhere, but if I don't, I am likely to panic if someone gets too close, or worse, bumps into me by mistake. And if that happens, I won't even make it to wherever I needed to go." she admitted.

She felt worse than useless. What kind of adult needed to be escorted by someone they trusted like a young child? And yet...no matter how much she tried to tell herself to grow up and act like the adult she was supposed to be, the thought alone of leaving a place she considered to be safe without someone she trusted with her was enough to cause her to panic.
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Faith
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Tue Jul 31, 2018 7:33 pm

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Faith hadn't said anything to the receptionist, merely nodded her head. She'd heard him and understood but equally, she wouldn't be talking about a patient in front of them. She hadn't told him that she knew Lei'lira already, Faith was a private woman who saw no reason to gossip with anyone, so she did not. However, that being said, she would speak with him later and work out a way that he could give her such information without whispering it. Just in case. She did her best to be professional, as much as she could.

Turning her attention to Lei'lira, Faith sat opposite her and asked what was fundamentally a very important question. How was she feeling? That question told Faith a lot about these sessions, how they would go and what she would need to do. There were a number of different responses to therapy and treatment and how it was going to go was usually summed up in the first answer. She'd had all sorts of responses to it, and she was pleased to hear the one Lei'lira gave. It meant that she was open, willing to talk. She wanted to affect a change. Equally, though, the young woman was held up on her own insecurities, Faith thought. Her faults were where she took comfort and she needed to break that. Still, the fact that she was open to change, to making progress and that was half the battle.

"Alright, well if you don't mind, I'd like to agree how things are going to go in these sessions?" Faith said. She was a clear and pragmatic woman and she tried to always be that way with people she was treating. "Neither of us can change what has happened to you, what you have experienced." Would she, if she could? Oh, yes, absolutely. But that was no use to go to. So, instead, Faith spoke of what they could do. "There are, however, things that we can change and you've just identified two of them. To be able to feel like you can go out on your own and to feel more safe and comfortable in crowds." Both of these things were entirely achievable, Faith said with a slight smile.

"What I would like to do, in these sessions, is work on goals for you. Achievable, measurable goals. So, I think that the place to start is for you to identify what goals you'd like to work on? One at a time, two maybe if they're related," as the two mentioned were, Faith said. But what the goals would be, that was up to Lei'lira.
"To be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

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Lei'lira
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Sun Aug 12, 2018 5:07 pm

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Faith suggested that they come to an agreement on how their sessions would go, and Lei'lira nodded her agreement. She had a little experience with sessions like these, But the healer she had worked with in Rharne had told her that different healers had different methods they used with their patients, and that part of the process was finding a healer whose methods worked well for the individual who was seeking help.

Goals...goals were something that she could handle. Lei'lira had a lot of them floating around in her head. So many that it was overwhelming, and it felt impossible to achieve any of them. And one tied into the next in such a way that prioritizing them was a difficult task at best. She remained silent for several bits as she tried to find the words to explain what she wanted.

"I think...no. I want to be able to feel safe again. That is the underlying goal. Everything else ties into that. Like my problems with crowds. Growing up on a farm all my life, I have always had plenty of space. We had neighbors, of course, and there were always times when everyone got together for festivals, and such. But because we were all farmers, and because of the amount of space in between farms, and the travel times involved, there were rarely more than twenty or thirty people at even the biggest farm festival. And while I did on occasion get dragged into some of the parties at my grandmother's estate, I was the youngest twin, so I didn't have to attend that many. Even when I did, I was usually able to escape into the stable without being noticed. So I never really got used to large groups of people. They have always made me feel nervous, and cramped. Now, though...I tend to panic. There are too many people to keep an eye on, and they're too close. In my head, I know that they are just people going about their business like I am. I do. But I can't help feeling that they are all potentially people that want to hurt me or my family if they could. So I feel outnumbered, and I panic because I don't feel safe. It's even worse if someone touches me by mistake because it feels like an attack, or an attempt to capture me again."

Lei'lira paused before continuing.

"One thing I am already working on is to learn how to defend myself."

She shuddered.

"I hate fighting. I don't even like to argue with people. The thought of hurting someone else is just as bad as being hurt myself, just in a different way. I don't know that I could bring myself to fight unless either I, or someone I loved was in danger. But I think that if I could defend myself, or Teia, or my children if someone tried to hurt us, knowing that I could would help to make me feel safer. I started learning a few things while I was visiting my cousin in Rharne, and I plan to continue once I have sold my farm in Warrick, and move to Rharne."

Lei'lira hesitated again, this time because while this was a goal that she wanted to achieve, she didn't have the first idea how to go about doing so.

"I want...I want to feel safe in my own home again. Even when I am in a place that is relatively safe, I find myself waiting. Wondering. When I was captured last Vhalar, the bandits took me out of my own farm. I was supposed to be safe there. Now when I fall asleep, I find myself listening for sounds that might mean that someone else is coming. I wake myself several times throughout the night, still listening for signs of danger. Throughout the trial as I am tending the kids, or doing my work, I find myself pausing for a few bits, still listening. I can never truly relax. And the nightmares only make things worse. I feel exhausted all the time because of them, and that leaves me less alert than I should be. And that only makes me more nervous and afraid because I know I'm not alert enough and that might make me miss the signs of danger, or a warning sign in the animals that I take care of."

"I also want to be able to trust people again. That might not be the right word for it because some people shouldn't be trusted. I trust you because you saved my son, and you haven't done anything to make me feel that I can't. I trust my kids, of course. And I trust Teia. Neither of us would still be here if it weren't for the other. I also trust my cousin. But anyone else...every other adult is seen as a potential threat. I want to be able to look at people I don't know and not wonder if they are going to try to hurt me, or the people I care about. I also have problems with men. They terrify me. In my head, I know that some men are good people. My father was a wonderful man. But after Drayas, and everything else, when I see a man, I want to hide somewhere. It's worse if one comes near me, or tries to talk to me. Especially if they look imposing in any way. And if one tries to touch me, even if by bumping into me accidentally, or says or does anything that might be an attempt to flirt, I am almost certain to panic. I just can't handle it."

"When I start to panic, there are a few things that happen. I might have an anxiety attack severe enough to make me pass out if Teia can't pull me out of it in time. Or I might get lost in the past if something about the situation reminds of something that happened while I was a captive, or of Drayas. The other thing that might happen is that I might just get overwhelmed, and...go away until someone I trust can bring me back or until I feel safe enough to come back on my own. Sometimes more than one of those things happens. Especially if I am coming out of one of my nightmares. I can't go out on my own for fear that I will have an episode. But I can't be left alone for too long either for the same reason. Unless I have something to do to distract me, my own thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming enough to trigger an episode at times. Teia says that she doesn't mind looking after me, and her being there really does help a lot. But I don't want to need her in order to function. She was a captive, too. That's how we met. She says that looking after me gives her something to do so she can focus on that instead of her own problems, but I don't think that that is really helping her. I want to be able to help Teia as much as she is helping me with everything."

Lei'lira hesitated as she struggled to get her thoughts in order.

"More than anything, I want to be able to feel safe again, and to be strong enough to not need someone else to help me function. But I don't even know where to start in order to make that happen." she finished softly.

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Faith
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Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:04 pm

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One of the most important things that she could do, Faith knew, was to listen when her patient talked. And Lei'lira certainly was willing and able to explain in a lot of detail. It meant that she had thought about it a lot, had considered it and that was a good thing, in very many ways. However, it was also a case that she was risking creating, or maintaining, the very situation which she feared. Still, Faith sat back and listened carefully, then she was quiet for a few moments, just keeping a silence between them while she thought about Lei'lira's words.

Then, folding her hands together in her lap, she spoke. "I think that maybe the issue you're facing is that the jump from feeling how you do, to feeling safe is too big for one step." Lifting her hands out in front of her, Faith separated them out. "If the distance between where we are and where we want to be is too big, it can seem like an impossible thing." Moving her hands closer together, she smiled. "So, the trick is to break that big gap down into steps. So, let's maybe aim for feeling safer, not safe yet. Safer, as a step on the way to safe."

Lowering her hands again, Faith looked at Lei'lira and gauged her reaction to this. "You've talked about crowds a lot - but again, that's a big first step. However, being touched is something that we can work on first. It isn't possible to be in a state of panic and relaxed at the same time. So, there are a series of techniques that we can use to help you remain relaxed. You can help yourself, too, by trying to identify the thought process, before you start to panic. Think about it, try and break it." She smiled, encouragingly.

"While we're doing that, what I'm hoping to is to use an ability granted to my by Moseke. Like the one I used to heal your leg, but this one helps with emotional trauma. I need to be touching your temples. The point of it is that we just get you relaxed at first."

Faith paused, waiting there to see what Lei'lira thought. If she was happy to do it then Faith would ask her to sit in the chair where she was - it was a comfortable and well padded soft armchair and Faith would stand behind her and put her hands on Lei'lira's temples. If Lei'lira wanted it, they could have a mirror in front of them, Faith said, so she could see who was there. Then, Faith would talk her through some guided visualization exercises and use her Moseke ability as she did. But very much, Lei'lira was in the driving seat.
"To be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

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