1st Ashan, 722
Solitude stands by the window
She turns her head as I walk in the room
I can see by her eyes she's been waiting
Standing in the slant of the late afternoon
And she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame
Solitude stands in the doorway
And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette
By her long cool stare and her silence
I suddenly remember each time we've met
And she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame
And she says "I've come to set a twisted thing straight"
And she says "I've come to lighten this dark heart"
And she takes my wrist, I feel her imprint of fear
And I say "I've never thought of finding you here"
I turn to the crowd as they're watching
They're sitting all together in the dark in the warm
I wanted to be in there among them
I see how their eyes are gathered into one
And then she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame
And she says "I've come to set a twisted thing straight"
And she says "I've come to lighten this dark heart"
And she takes my wrist, I feel her imprint of fear
And I say "I've never thought of finding you here"
Solitude stands in the doorway
And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette
By her long cool stare and her silence
I suddenly remember each time we've met
And she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame
Faith stood in the bedroom of the home they had built here and she looked out of the stained glass window. There were things which she needed to attend to, she knew, and so she started to think about it. About what to do.
Or, that was not strictly true. She allowed herself to admit to thinking about it. She had been doing exactly that, and not much of anything else, since Vhalar of the season before. But, this morning, she had woken up alone in their bed and she had known, without a doubt, that she had wallowed in self-pity enough. Of course, Faith's idea of "wallowing in self pity" was far from most peoples, but that wasn't the point.
Padraig wasn't here. His absence was something which Faith felt in her soul ~ literally in her soul. However, he wasn't here and she didn't know when - or if - he would return. Their links were broken and so she was alone. Faith felt the solitude of that creeping in to her very soul and she looked down at her hands. Since she had been a child in the slave school in Athart, Faith had been taught to put her emotions into her hands. But this emotion was too much, too far, too deep.
If her whole body ached from needing him, how could her hands hold that?
The sun lifted over the horizon - the first beams of light since the cycle before. Watching the light hit the stained glass windows, Faith was aware of the glorious sight which surrounded her in the room where she stood. It was glorious and beautiful and it left her feeling cold. No, Faith considered as she looked at the beauty of the first light, she didn't feel cold. She felt alone. Just that.
And she knew that she felt it because she was it. She had nothing in her heart for Padraig except love; he was doing what he needed to do. But that had an impact on her and Faith knew that she needed to make some decisions. She needed to take action and to do. She needed, fundamentally, to not allow herself to worry about him any more. He was where he was, she didn't and couldn't know about it and - when this had happened before - she had gone frantic with worry.
She couldn't afford to do that now. She simply couldn't. They had children, his grandparents, this settlement. She understood her responsibility, and she knew that now she had to be focused on looking after others, not allowing herself to fall into the panic she had fallen into when Padraig had first disappeared behind the barriers. So, Faith held out her hand, palm upwards, and she looked at it. Studied it.
"I can't be split any more," she whispered. "I'll break into too many pieces. I have to make it mine. Make it what I know." It was like she was split. Straight down the middle and without direction. So she looked down and she observed the settlement. She thought of the children there, of the people there. Of who she could be to them, of her own skill set.
It was all twisted and Faith knew what she had to do.
She had to make the twisted thing straight and there was only one way she could do that without Padraig here.
She had to do it her way, on her own.
Simply put: she had to get on with it.