• Closed • [Zuudaria] A Pale Shadow (Faith)

[Basilisk]

13th of Cylus, 720

Faith had been called back to Zuudaria by some of the Zuudaria who were watching over Ellasin. Since the war, Faith had been in and out of Zuudaria, but since she was still very active in Idalos, the day-to-day care of the once-Necromancer had been given over to a small handful of Zuuda. After the meeting with Sintra and Labrae, it had become a little unclear whether Ellasin was a prisoner or a patient, and between that, Ellasin's co-operativeness since her capture, and the presence of Famula in Zuudaria, the Zuuda who were watching Ellasin were generally on the low end of the totem pole. Trusted, yes, but not any of the powerful or wise of the Zuuda.

So it was probably a surprise to Faith that she was greeted by Qilae "Apple" Cobaier, an Exalted of Famula and a spy and assassin for the Zuuda. "Your patient had a fit and had to be restrained. You were still in that deadzone your husband found, and Famula wanted us to wait until you got back in and had rested before we called you back." she said, her tone as blunt and cold as it always was. Qilae was far from the most popular of Zuuda, and her tendency to be remarkably unfriendly was a big part of that. "Her watchers brought her a mirror, thought it would help her to clean herself up. She freaked out, broke the mirror and tried to use the shards to cut her face. The watchers managed to restrain her, but Famula had to call me in to sedate her. Now she's putting out any light anyone's bringing in there. She seems to want to remain in her shadow form all the time." she said, before shrugging. "She likes dogs, though. I've been Apple a lot lately, and she seems to find my presence comforting in that form." she said, before frowning. "Anyway, our Lady wants you to attend to your patient, now that you're back and hopefully rested. And if you've no more need of me, I'm off back to Etzori before my shop closes down from lack of business." she said, and if Faith didn't need her, Qilae would shift to her "Atienel Gasener" shape and leave. If Faith did, then of course Qilae would stay.

Regardless, when Faith went to Ellasin's room, she would in fact be able to see that were no light sources anywhere in the room. "Hello, doctor. I was wondering if you'd come back." Ellasin's voice said, coming from where her bed was. The woman that Faith had spent so much time and effort to defeat sounded shaky and nervous, and there was a definite tiredness to her voice, like she hadn't been sleeping very well, though it had recovered from being screamed raw during her initial revival. "My apologies for the lack of illumination, I...haven't been very well, lately." she said, her tone calm. Then there was a pause. "How...how is Rose?" she asked, her tone hesitant.

[Faith Augustin]

Date here

"No, sweetheart, Mama has to go and see your grandmother alone, I'm afraid," Faith said quietly. Rose gave her mother a glance which suggested that there may be some argument, but she sighed instead and glanced back into the living room. All the Immortals bless Katie, Faith thought. "You and Nana, you can play here." Rose nodded. "Are you going to see Ellie?" Faith reached out and stroked the hair back behind Rose's ear, then answered - as she always would - honestly. "Yes, Rose-but, I think so."

Rose thought about and then asked, the earnest expression on her that Faith recognised so well. "Will you take her a present from me, Mama?" Faith nodded and Rose ran off, to fetch it.

So, when she arrived at Zuudaria, Faith listened to what it was that she was told and she nodded. There were clinical questions to ask, of course, and Faith (being who she was) had made sure that Ellasin's notes were carefully and meticulously maintained, and with the kinds of details which Faith firmly believed were important. So, she got there, and she listened to Apple. That Apple was so cold and unfriendly didn't bother Faith in the slightest, however, she corrected her purposely. "Our patient. Kept here under Famula's wishes," she reminded Apple. "I'll be here every two days, more as needed, from this point on." She didn't need anything else, she said, and she made her way.

The darkness, of course, was not an issue for Faith or any of the Zuuda, but it was very much an issue, Faith believed, nonetheless. Because it was indicative of a lot more as far as Ellasin was concerned. "Hello," she said with a smile. "I really do think we can probably just go with 'Faith', don't you?" She looked around the room and then looked at Ellasin carefully. "I've been away, but we're back now and I'll be visiting regularly," she reassured the former lich. Faith sat down and observed Ellasin closely. Being a Zuuda, she could see perfectly in the dark and so she was able to pay careful attention to detail.

"Rose is well," Faith said and she reached down. "She did you a drawing. I didn't realise you wouldn't be able to see it. But I'll leave it here, and when you feel like, you can have a look?" Faith put it down, on the table next to where Ellasin was sitting. Looking at Ellasin with calm silver eyes, Faith wondered just what it was that prompted that question from the former necromancer. She wasn't surprised that Ellasin had asked - but that she'd asked that first? That was important.

"So," Faith said, her hands folded in her lap as she asked, "would you like to tell me about it?" Open question, clearly stated. That was, Faith believed, best.

[Basilisk]

When Faith corrected Apple about Ellasin being all the Zuuda's patient, the assassin just shrugged. "I'm no doctor, Faith." she said, her tone holding just the slightest hint of amusement. "I think we'd all prefer if medical care was done by qualified people, and there are some idiots, even among the Zuuda, who would take "our" far too literally." she said. When Faith said she didn't need her assistance, Apple nodded and went back to Etzos.

Ellasin was in her shadow form when Faith walked in, so she had no real discernable facial features or the like, but she was sitting up on her bed and there was an air of fear about her. "All right." she said, when Faith said to call her by name. She did, however, look up when Faith said she'd be visiting regularly. "Thank you, Faith. The dog was comforting to have around, but I get the feeling Famula needed her for more important things than keeping me calm." she said, her voice still shaky. When Faith brought up Rose and her drawing, Ellasin reached over and picked it up. Even all this time after the Necromantress' defeat, Ellasin still didn't quite move naturally. There was a jerky stiffness to her movements, almost like she was a poseable manikin come to life. She tended to move one body part at a time, and always completed the first movement before she started a second.

Though she didn't have discernable facial features, there was a noticeable shift in her mood when she looked at the picture, a lightening. "Oh, we were playing with Gnash. That poor dog was so sweet, Rose thought he was adorable. This just before...before..." the was a cutoff in Ellasin's train of thought and she looked to the side, pondering. "I don't...someone's missing. Who could I have known back then that got cursed by Vri?" she mused, before she turned back to Faith. "Nevermind, whoever that was has to be dead by now." she said, before putting the picture back down. "Tell Rose I said thank you, please. She's a sweet kid, and...I don't even know for sure if she was really there when I was little." she said, before pausing again. "I'm so sorry, for what my mother did to you and yours. If I hadn't been so stupid, it never would have happened."

When Faith asked if Ellasin would like to tell her about what happened, the former Lich shook her head. "Not particularly. But I was a doctor too, and I know that's not how healing happens, so..." she said, before taking a deep breath. "My...guards? Caretakers? The people who usually take care of my daily needs brought me a mirror. I think they thought it would help me if I could do something that was normal. A sound enough principal for trauma victims and the like." she said, her tone getting shakier as she spoke. Whatever calm and peace she had gotten from Rose's picture was going rapidly. "But...I don't see me in the mirror anymore. It's...not my face or my body that looks back. All I see is her, the Necromantress, my Spark, that damned parasite that stole my body and destroyed or corrupted everything that my friends and I had tried to build!" she said, her voice rising to a panicked angry shout towards the end.

Then there was a pause as Ellasin put some visible effort into calming down. "So I broke the mirror so I could stop seeing her. But it was still her face, not mine anymore. So I tried to destroy that too, cut it off and get rid of it." she said, her voice going shaky again. "Needless to say, I was restrained and sedated. I was...calmer when I woke up. She's gone, can't get me while I'm here. But...I can't get past it. It's not my face anymore." she said, letting out an almost broken whimper. "But there was one thing, she was always scared of the dark. Not because of things without, but because of me. This shadow form scared her, she thought I would be able to regain control if we were shadows." she said, a slight confidence coming back into her voice. "So I put out all the lights. Naer can see perfectly fine in the dark, and this body is still mine." she said, before letting out a sigh. "But it isn't right, is it? I can't hide here in the shadows forever."

[Faith Augustin]

Chatting with Ellasin....

As a medic, Faith knew, there was a time for action and a time for stillness. Sometimes, all you could do was sit with someone while they died; but other times - and most times - it was important to move and act and do. But, in a mirroring of the physical and the psychological, Faith knew that sometimes it was important to just let the patient talk. She listened to Ellasin, carefully paying attention to what the former lich said. Faith was more than able to attend carefully and she noticed nuance and tiny cues and clues. Then, when it came time to respond, Faith was able to with thoughtfulness and consideration.

"I think," she said, her forehead creasing slightly in a frown, "that both you and Rose remember it as real ~ and that makes it as real as it can possibly be. So, I think so." As for who she knew that had been cursed by Vri, Faith smiled slightly and said "His name is Alistair Venora. You and he were close, you initiated him, I believe." Faith didn't linger there, because there seemed to be no point to do so. Although, "You met a man called Patrick through Alistair." Patrick's trial was coming up and Faith was called as a witness, she knew. There were all sorts of emotions around that for her, but it was what it was and, right now, she needed to focus.

As for Ellasin's apology for what her mother had done, Faith shook her head. "We are where we are, today. There's no point dwelling on the past," and, as strange as it might be, Faith knew that she would change nothing from her childhood. Not a single thing. Because it made her who she was, and she had no wish to be anyone else. But as for the hiding in the shadows idea? Faith smiled slightly at Ellasin and gave a slight shrug. "You can," Faith said, of Ellasin staying in the shadows. But that wasn't what was important. "It's hard to look in the mirror and see a stranger," she said softly. Not so long before the war, Vri had removed Faith's memories and she had been transported back to referring to herself as "this slave" - it had been a very tricky time for her and Padraig. But it meant that, in this moment, she understood what Ellasin meant and for that, Faith breathed a silent prayer of thanks to the Immortal of Death.

"It's not your face any more - not the one you recognise," Faith said. There was no point hiding that fact, it was true and that was that. She spoke calmly and looked at Ellasin as she did. "But it's not hers, either. Being the Necromantess, the arcs which have passed - they've changed you and you no longer recognise yourself." That was, in Faith's mind, undoubtedly true. "But she's gone. So, you're not who you used to be, and you're not her." Faith considered her next words carefully, but she did not hesitate to speak them.

"I would like to offer an alternative to you," she said. "That, fundamentally, is to think about the future. It won't be easy, and there's a long road to get there," Again, there was no point sugar coating that - they both knew better. "But rather than who you were, rather than what has happened - if you can think of this - what is it that you'd like to do?" Faith gestured around, slightly. "Stay here? Go somewhere? Do something?" She smiled and said - for she knew that the woman was more than aware of what she was doing. "I'm suggesting that, together, we start to try and build who you become. " Gesturing at the drawing which Rose had done, Faith's shoulders lifted just slightly in a shrug.

"If the future is a blank piece of paper, what would you like the picture to be?"

[Basilisk]

When Faith said that the memories Rose and Ellasin shared were probably real, there was a slight shift to Ellasin's mood, as though the thought comforted her. When Faith explained about Alistair and Patrick, the ex-Lich thought for a moment, then shook her head. "I vaguely remember a man named Patrick. I don't think he liked us much, but the Necromantress didn't consider him important and it seemed a minor detail at the time. Another hopeful seeking greatness in a power they didn't fully understand." she said, a note of bitterness entering her voice in the last sentence. "Though in the end, I wasn't so different myself, was I?" she said, before turning to the next topic.

When Faith said that Ellasin could hide in the shadows if she so desired, and gave a pretty succinct summary of Ellasin's mirror problems, her patient let out a quiet laugh. "Yes, that's it exactly. And spending the rest of my life here is...tempting, I'll admit. I'm safe here, after all. She can't take me again, not while I'm here." she said, a distinct note of utter terror very clear in her voice at the end. When Faith spoke about how her face wasn't hers anymore, Ellasin considered it, then nodded. "It isn't. Literally speaking, it isn't. I'm a Naer, after all. This shadow form, this is how we really are. Our creator made us from shadow and so shadows we are." she said, her tone musing. "Our more human faces, they're a sort of illusion. Made from mud from Augiery." she said, before falling silent as Faith spoke of the future.

When asked her what she wanted her future to be, Ellasin fell silent for a long while, several bits at the least. When she finally did speak, it was in halting, almost hesitant tones. "I...it's strange, really. I was one of the first Seekers, and I should want to build the future my friends and I dreamed of together. I don't, though. I am the Champion of Sintra, and I should want to return to my lady's service. I don't want that either. Maybe I'm not ready for such things, if they're even possible, and maybe I won't ever be. I'm...not what once I was." she said, before looking down at her hands. "Not like that, anyway. But I do know what I want. I was a surgeon before, and I should so very much like to be a healer again." she said, her voice sounding almost like a child confessing to a closely held dream.

Then she let out a small laugh. "I'd have to go back to school, though. I haven't exactly been able to keep up to date with medical advancements. I mean, by now they must have thought of a better way to put someone under for surgery than ether rags or absurd amounts of alcohol. Or of a way to treat consumption. Or why some blood has different properties." she said, before pausing and looking at Faith. "Wait. I remember, when we were learning about you. You cured Brain Rot, yes? I had a patient with that once, I couldn't get anywhere with him. However did you manage to cure it?" she asked, her voice eager and excited for the first time since she'd been brought to Zuudaria.

[Faith Augustin]

Chatting with Ellasin....

"It seems to me," Faith said softly, after Ellasin had answered her, "that your situation is such that there is no 'should' to deal with. No one can know what you should do." Not even Ellasin herself, as far as Faith was concerned. There was not any rush, either, for her to be making decisions. They had time, and she had a safe space.

It wasn't a surprise to Faith to know that Ellasin had once been a surgeon, a medic. That was information she had gathered during the investigation and intelligence-gathering of the War. However, she had to admit that she was surprised when the former necromancer said that she knew what she wanted - and that it was [t]that[/i]. Faith's mind worked, quickly considering the situation and just how to deal with it. Then, Ellasin asked about the Rot and Faith nodded. "I did, yes," she said. Ellasin wanted to know about it? Faith never had any objections to teaching someone, never any concern about sharing knowledge and that was what she did. "There is a doctor in Etzos who had developed a treatment for it, which staved it off and extended life but didn't kill it," she said. "And that was done by inserting needles into the head at very specific points - the base of the brain. That seemed to work, but only for a while." Faith recalled the time clearly - of course - and so she explained to Ellasin in more detail.

"I'd been working on a study of how targeted sub-zero temperatures can help in cases of necrotic tissue, or to minimise infection spread. It occurred to me that the Rot seemed to be spreading like an infection and so I used needles which were maintained at a steady sub-zero temperature. Not as non-invasive as I'd have liked, but tiny punctures in comparison to the incisions of surgery." She looked at Ellasin, then, and she spoke quietly and earnestly. "I'm not going to offer to teach you, because you don't need teaching." That was very true in Faith's mind. The woman in front of her was not a student, but a medic who needed to update. "But I'm very happy to offer to help you get up to date." Faith said with a smile. She could bring books, notes, things like that. If Ellasin wanted to be left alone to study, she'd do that, but equally?

"If it helps to talk through things, then I'm happy to do so." Faith said, and she gave a slight shrug. "Whatever works best." At some point, the woman here would be needing to have a conversation with Famula, Faith knew, and there would be punishment for the crimes Ellasin had committed. However, she was of the opinion at this points that, if what Ellasin was speaking was the truth, then she was self-punishing more than any sentence could. It led to the question, of course, of whether Faith believed Ellasin when she spoke and, in this moment, she had to say she did. Faith was in Zuudaria, Famula's realm, and she was marked by Pier and Pre as well as Famula. She could spot a lie.

So, it came down to a single, simple thing for her. She'd help where she could, do good where she could, and make what difference to the world she could.

Because she could do nothing more, nothing different. It simply wasn't her way.

[Basilisk]

Ellasin fell quiet as Faith started to explain how she cured The Rot. "The base of the brain? Relieving pressure or draining fluid, or something else?" she asked, when Faith brought up the doctor from Etzos who had been able to extend life expectancy. When Faith started talking about her method for curing it, she went a bit still, then let out a soft, self-mocking laugh. "You're method for dealing with necrotic tissues is a lot less likely to go catastrophically wrong than mine, I think. And it's really very clever, freezing an infection to counteract it." she said, before pausing again. "How were you able to tell it's permanent, though? Or do you have to check on it every so often?" she asked, her voice curious.

When Faith said she wasn't going to teach Ellasin because she didn't need it, Ellasin smiled slightly. "Everyone can always be taught something new. But thank you, it's...good to know that I haven't been out of the field so long that I'm back down to the student level." she said, her tone soft. At the offer to help her get up to date, Ellasin nodded. "I would like that very much. As a healer, I can try to...I don't even know the word. Counteract, maybe, all the harm I caused." she said, her tone an odd mix of longing and hopelessness.

When it came to discussing how she would learn best, Ellasin thought for a moment. "Studying on my own would give me something to do besides sit here and ruminate on my existence. Unless the, admittedly very basic when I was last able to check on it, field of mental health has changed a great deal, spending all my time dwelling on my failures and their consequences is not exactly good for me." she said, her tone holding the same self-mocking note as her laugh. "But both would be good. I can study on my own, and we can talk through things when you're here." she said, before pausing a bit. "For now it...might be best if I stay away from necrotic conditions, though. While they were, arguably, my specialty when I was alive before, my research into that field is what created the Necromantress. It is...probably unwise for me to immediately resume such studies." she said, before looking down as a notable aura of terror came over the Naer. "I don't know if there's anything left of her in my mind, and I don't want to risk waking her up if there's anything left of her."

[Faith Augustin]

Chatting with Ellasin....

"I checked on it regularly for two arcs," Faith said softly. "The speed of the Rot is such that, even if it was progressing at one tenth its usual speed, it would be very noticeable then. Also, he has a list of symptoms which he's to call me for, immediately, and I check in on him twice an arc now." Faith shrugged slightly. "I'm confident as I can be that it's gone. " Of course, there was never a guarantee, she knew that. But so did Nir'wei.

The rest of Ellasin's response though, saw Faith simply listening and it was only when the Naer finished speaking that Faith considered responding. She herself was quiet for a moment as she gathered her thoughts, the tips of her fingers pressing together hard. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and betrayed how intently she was thinking as she vocalised. "I can't - nor would I - begin to think that I could understand, but it seems to me that the Necromantess got hold of you because you ... well, you were a frog." Just the slightest smile lifted Faith's lips as she looked at the woman who had killed so many. "My husband, as you know, is a physicist. He studies all manner of things. Once, he told me about frogs." The subject might be odd, but Faith had an earnest expression on her pale face. "If you drop a frog into a pan of boiling water, it will hop out, struggle, try to escape. Effectively, it will attempt to save itself." That made sense, of course. However, that wasn't what was most interesting. "However, if you put the frog in a pan of warm, comfortable water which you slowly heat up - it will sit there and let you boil it to death."

It was odd, really, Faith considered. Here they were, the great Ellasin and her. Faith, the slave who was given that name by Jamal, her first owner. Before that, she'd never had a name and yet, the moment Famula affirmed it, it became a treasured thing. How odd the world was. "It seems to me that, in this analogy, you are the frog - and the necromantess is the boiling water. Having escaped boiling alive by the skin of its teeth, that would have to be a very stupid frog to allow a repeat of the situation, wouldn't you say?" Faith grinned, suddenly and added - just in case it needed to be said. "And you really don't strike me as a stupid frog. You won't let it happen again, because you let it happen once." Faith let out a slight chuckle, but then added with a serious tint to her tone. "The point behind that story, for me though, is that it's important you remember who's the frog. You're in control."

If Ellasin thought of the Necromantess as able to be "woken up" and given power, Faith thought, she'd make things harder for herself. But Ellasin had to come to that on her own terms. So, instead, Faith turned to the topic of medicine. "Well, I've got some things which Padraig and I invented, which you might like to have a look at?" The Raft, and a Magnifier - along with notes on both - those she had with her and could leave with Ellasin now. That said, Faith figured it was probably enough for this visit. "I'll get them, and then I should get back to work." She smiled at the woman, leaning over and touching Ellasin's arm, gently. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said.

[Basilisk]

Review

EXP: 20

Renown: 0 (All this is secreted away in Famula's Domain, so I don't see how it could gain renown. Sorry. =[ )

Knowledge: Psychology: Every psychiatric patient is unique
Psychology: Figuring out why your patient tried to cut off her face
Psychology: Helping a patient figure out how to move on
Psychology: Pictures can help a patient relax
Medicine: Spark-induced trauma has strange symptoms
Socialization: Frog analogies can help people not repeat their mistakes

Notes: I am very sorry about how long this took, all the more so because this was a really fun thread. Seeing Faith try to help someone she has a lot of reasons to be angry with is a very heartwarming thing, and it shows off how fundamentally kind Faith is. Despite that, she doesn't let Ellasin off the hook for her own faults, even if Ellasin is doing a very good job of punishing herself for it. I'm down to do more of these in the future if you want, hopefully with faster reviews. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns!