49th Zi'da 717
Immediately following: this
Immediately following: this
She was shaking with fury and she sat down, trying to breathe out through the fury. She didn't have to turn around, at the sound of the door opening she knew who it was. It was Xander, come to tell her that she shouldn't have done that. Come to berate her, remind her that she hadn't been polite. It was Rafael Warrick all over again, she thought to herself, but it was just on a smaller scale. Rafael, the bastard child of House Warrick had stabbed her at their engagement party and rather than do anything about it, rather than act he had wanted to keep quiet, not say anything. It was just another person out there who had tried to kill her and he was still out there, and yet Xander wanted to not make a fuss.
It would be the same here, she did not doubt. He wouldn't like that she made a fuss. He wouldn't want a fuss made. Those people could be political allies, they could be helpful in the great cause, could be useful to his future. His future. If they weren't in someone else's house, she'd be throwing ornaments about now, she considered. But, of course, they were in someone else's house and more than that, she was pregnant and so she couldn't move fast enough.
Turning to look at him, she saw the disapproval in his face. He looked angry, she thought, angry and tired and frustrated. Angry with her, tired of her and frustrated by her. "You were right," she said, her voice quiet. "I shouldn't have come. I've embarrassed you in front of potential allies." What was the point in anything else? He knew how terrified she'd been at the thought of what Valeria might have been doing when she visited. Gwen, the maid who had poisoned her and then tried to suffocate her, she had glowed like that as Celeste had fought her. The fear that Celeste had experienced for herself was magnified a thousand times by her feeling of protectiveness for this life within her and she had been afraid.
"I hate being afraid, Xander. I've felt afraid since I found out I was pregnant."
Why did she make that admission? As soon as she had said it she shook her head. "That doesn't excuse it, I know. I'm sure you apologised for me," like she was a child, unable to control her emotions. Just once, she thought, just once she'd like him to put her first. Not the political alliances, not the goal he was working for, not the revolution of anything, just her. Like she had, when she married him. When she had chosen him for love, not politics. That Xander loved her Celeste did not doubt, but where that love sat in his priorities? That was something which she was more and more unsure of. He had, it seemed, out maneuvered her and that stung. But she loved him and there was nothing that either of them could do which changed that. "I'm sorry you felt you had to do that." Turning back to look at the room. "I'll wait here, if you want, and you can go and build alliances, make new friends and cement old relationships."
It was why they were here, after all.
It would be the same here, she did not doubt. He wouldn't like that she made a fuss. He wouldn't want a fuss made. Those people could be political allies, they could be helpful in the great cause, could be useful to his future. His future. If they weren't in someone else's house, she'd be throwing ornaments about now, she considered. But, of course, they were in someone else's house and more than that, she was pregnant and so she couldn't move fast enough.
Turning to look at him, she saw the disapproval in his face. He looked angry, she thought, angry and tired and frustrated. Angry with her, tired of her and frustrated by her. "You were right," she said, her voice quiet. "I shouldn't have come. I've embarrassed you in front of potential allies." What was the point in anything else? He knew how terrified she'd been at the thought of what Valeria might have been doing when she visited. Gwen, the maid who had poisoned her and then tried to suffocate her, she had glowed like that as Celeste had fought her. The fear that Celeste had experienced for herself was magnified a thousand times by her feeling of protectiveness for this life within her and she had been afraid.
"I hate being afraid, Xander. I've felt afraid since I found out I was pregnant."
Why did she make that admission? As soon as she had said it she shook her head. "That doesn't excuse it, I know. I'm sure you apologised for me," like she was a child, unable to control her emotions. Just once, she thought, just once she'd like him to put her first. Not the political alliances, not the goal he was working for, not the revolution of anything, just her. Like she had, when she married him. When she had chosen him for love, not politics. That Xander loved her Celeste did not doubt, but where that love sat in his priorities? That was something which she was more and more unsure of. He had, it seemed, out maneuvered her and that stung. But she loved him and there was nothing that either of them could do which changed that. "I'm sorry you felt you had to do that." Turning back to look at the room. "I'll wait here, if you want, and you can go and build alliances, make new friends and cement old relationships."
It was why they were here, after all.