IC - Don't Read This

This section is for players to post about things unrelated to the Standing Trials roleplay. You may talk about anything from world issues, to your personal life, to funny things you found on the internet. You are free to use this forum to express yourself as a player and not as your actual character. You can also post in other players journals so long as they give you permission to. Please remember not to post anything relating to pornography or anything with extensive use of profanity.
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Alistair
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Posts: 2255
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:12 pm
Race: Human
Profession: Doctor
Renown: +520
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Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:12 am

Hey! I know this place is mostly OOC journals, but I love having a character journal and I think one for Ali would be swell. So I'mma put one right here, ya hear me!

Also, as a note, I am averse to the paper-parchment templates people use for this. Not because I don't think they fit, but because I can never find a decent one myself! So my shit will look nigh modern. #dealwithit

P.S., It's called Don't Read This because I'm a troll. I hope I made you endure a moment of thinking to yourself "I want to see what this is and why I shouldn't read it, but I should also respect his wishes for me to not read it!" Nevertheless, you read it, and now you are tainted for life. Not even God can save you.
Last edited by Alistair on Wed May 23, 2018 11:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Alistair
Approved Character
Posts: 2255
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:12 pm
Race: Human
Profession: Doctor
Renown: +520
Character Sheet
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Plot Notes
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Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:34 am

7th of Saun, Arc 716

I despise such things as a 'personal diary'. So girly. The stigma attached to a writer of such things must be colossal; and let's not forget the scandal that often follows the personal writings of prominent individuals. Truths unveiled that should have never been. Oh lord, I have avoided this. But I have to write tonight... because my heart is racing and I don't know what else to do. I am a lonely man. I live by myself, I spend my days by myself, without a companion whether animal or man, without a friend. Without love. Without anything but my books and my tools. I mean, there's Damien, but it's just not the same - no matter how close I get to him, I'm always so far away.

He's dead, and I'm not. How much larger of a divide can there be?

This time though, I met someone, and they're not dead. They're not my next prospective minion, or my new political opponent, or someone I expect to milk me dry for my influence and walk away. No... this person is different.

...

Blond of hair. Tall, though not much moreso than I. Somewhat rugged. Attractive. He has a good look to him - certainly worthy of the attention he must get. But that's not what interests me. No, I've been acquainted with more attractive men before. It's not the looks that draw my eye. It's something else - I can't properly describe it. To call it the heart, the mind, the spirit would be wrong. It's something like that, but not the same.

It's an air about him that distinguishes him from everyone else, as if he's the only one around me for miles. I don't understand from where this distinctive feeling comes from, but I describe it as a fragility; a nervousness, a lightness of my head, a difficulty to function as usual. What is that? Is he some sort of agent of Lisirra, making me ill in his presence? It doesn't feel like illness, it just feels so... disarming.

And the way he looks at me - so dangerous. I should not involve myself with dangerous individuals. Individuals that make me feel like this. I have avoided this sort of predicament for all my life. But... I've also never quite been as jovial as I am now, I think. I can't believe it. It's ridiculous. Even now I'm all bloody smiles. No clue what's gotten into me, but it's scary. I feel. I really do. For the first time in so long, perhaps in my entire life, I feel good. And I don't know why. I was almost bloody assassinated! I have a trained killer on my head - one who's been trying to lure me into complacency! There's a civil war about! Everything should be terrible. Seriously...

But it's not. Somehow. Because of this one person. This one absolute wreck of a man. And there's no reason for it, any of it. But I feel good. I feel alive.

I said something I'd never have seen myself saying to anyone else. He said he couldn't say no to a pretty face - I told him that if so, he'd never be able to say no to me. Isn't that flirting? Oh gods, I don't know. Everyone should know by now that I'm socially handicapped.

This trial was absolutely bonkers. I'm going to need a heart surgery if this keeps up.
Last edited by Alistair on Wed May 23, 2018 11:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Alistair
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Posts: 2255
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:12 pm
Race: Human
Profession: Doctor
Renown: +520
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Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:59 pm

1st of Cylus, Arc 717

I have not written here in quite a long time. As someone who prides himself on his practicality, the wastefulness of a journal with only a singular page filled is something I find quite a lot of issue with. Especially considering the fact that the sole page I have written is one that profiles both girlish fantasies of mine, and a love gone lost...

A lot's happened since I last wrote here. So much that I can't even begin to stop, or think. Every day is an endless cycle of activity; small things, big things, wild things, new things, old things. And people - beautiful, wise, educated, uninformed, hideous, crass, kind. I feel as if my life this past arc has been something of a dream, perhaps one I could have scrawled about in my mind before my fantasies went awry by the harsh touch of reality.

Oh, little me, lost in a chamber of fanciful gleaming. Where does reality begin, when this halcyon period of my life inevitably comes to an end?

I won't bore anyone with the details of the past arc. It's a new one, the 717th. Let's start from here, anew, and witness if the future can be as wonderful as the past.
Last edited by Alistair on Thu May 24, 2018 12:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Alistair
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Posts: 2255
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:12 pm
Race: Human
Profession: Doctor
Renown: +520
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Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:26 pm

18th of Cylus, Arc 717

Journal,
Things are not as they seem. Despite the recent complications in Rynmere's political affairs, I am doing well. Today, I am off to investigate the local businesses, as I've heard tales of looters and lusty fiends prowling the area. Maybella is a marvelous woman, for the most part, but moreso are her children -- I'd have loved an opportunity to come to the Garden earlier, if only to see the smiling faces of Venora's future.

I often wished to be an orphan in my youth, of course, as per the abuse I faced. Would I have been happier if I had been sent off to an establishment like that, away from my nobility? Perhaps. I can only imagine myself now -- a slummy accent, a ridiculous bounce in my step, a life of crime and searching for more. Perhaps my lack of father would have led me to desire to be one, rather than constantly swatting away marriage proposals and breaking the hearts of Ladies all lined up to meet me in a mid-Saun cathedral.

Regardless, I go on tangents. I've done well, lately. Sincerely well. I've met a man named Fridgar, and I love him. I'm a bit worried for him, and the way things will change when others know of us, but I'll stride through it. I've come to accept that maybe I'll never be the Lord I wanted to be, because of my deformity, as some would call it. My inability to simply marry a noble woman and go on with it all. My will for freedom, to pursue what I want.

And I want Fridgar. I'm supposed to be seeing him now. I'll have to make myself look nice.

Alistair
Last edited by Alistair on Thu May 24, 2018 12:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
Alistair
Approved Character
Posts: 2255
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:12 pm
Race: Human
Profession: Doctor
Renown: +520
Character Sheet
Prophets' Notes
Plot Notes
Player Review
Personal Journal
Letters

Sat Jul 08, 2017 2:11 am

66th of Ymiden, Arc 717

Journal,
I don't write in my journal, anymore. I don't want to, these days. I'm too happy. Regardless of what's to come, and what challenge I'll find, I know I'll survive. I have Fridgar, I have my dreams, and really. Not the ones assigned to me by inheritance, but my own. Life is mine to command.

This will be my last entry. Goodbye.

Alistair
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